Is Sexting Cheating? The Answer You Really Won’t Want to Accept

The internet has made cheating a lot easier than it ever used to be. You can send naughty pictures and texts easily. But is sexting cheating?

Talking about cheating is a sensitive subject for pretty much everyone. Nobody wants to think about their partner being unfaithful. But sometimes this topic is unavoidable and we need to talk about things like virtual cheating. Is sexting cheating? What about emotional cheating? If they don’t follow through, should it still count?

Many people won’t want to hear the answer to these questions but they’re very important to understand in a relationship. In order to build boundaries, both partners need to understand where to draw the line.

How to handle a cheater

Some people will always cheat. They just can’t commit and, no matter how hard they might try, will end up being unfaithful to their partner. Those people should obviously never be in a relationship but knowing how to deal with one when you are with them is important to know.

The bottom line is that you’ll need to leave. Trust is broken when someone cheats. You’ll never be able to build it up to the place it once was and without trust, you’ll have many more issues. Therefore, the only way to handle a cheater is to say goodbye. [Read: What to do about that nagging cheating suspicion]

But is sexting cheating?

Now, what if the person didn’t actually physically cheat on you? What if they were just texting? Does it still count? While some may argue the right answer to this question, I think the truth is pretty clear.

Yes.

Sexting is definitely cheating and here’s why.

#1 It’s betraying trust. If someone is doing something to betray your trust, clearly there’s an issue. And betraying your trust in the form of engaging in something inappropriate with someone else, is called cheating.

Sexting is even worse that emotionally cheating because it’s naughty. They’re being sexual with one another, even if it’s not physical. That type of behavior is clearly cheating, no matter if they were acting on those sexts or not. [Read: How to trust again in 8 simple steps]

#2 They’re emotionally involved. When a person is emotionally invested in someone else, it’s cheating. It might not seem like it, but it is. The difference between someone who might be crushing on another from afar and the person who’s actively seeking out their crush’s attention is that the latter usually leads to physical cheating.

You can’t have a partner who’s emotionally involved with someone else. And sexting is definitely something that has emotional involvement along with visual physical involvement.

#3 They’re being intimate with someone else. Just because someone isn’t being intimate in person doesn’t mean that intimacy doesn’t exist. Even showing someone else private parts of themselves over a phone screen is intimacy in a way that would betray their partner’s trust.

Someone who’s sexting is also describing, in intimate detail, what they’d do to the other if they engaged in sexual acts. That alone is considered cheating. Being intimate with someone besides your partner is not being faithful. [Read: 9 sure ways to find out if you’re dating a cheater]

#4 It’s usually done with intent to act upon it. Normally, if someone is sexting another person, it’s usually done before the physical stuff happens, or even after. Regardless, the person who’s sexting is clearly into the other and is even talking about doing stuff physically – not to mention sharing pictures of physical stuff.

Which means, while they might not be physically cheating, they’re kind of planning on it. This type of behavior is uncalled for and horrible for your relationship. And sexting will often lead to physical cheating.

#5 They’re keeping it from you. The fact of the matter is, if your partner is engaging in any way with someone else and feels the need to hide it from you, they’re cheating. If you can’t be open and honest with your partner about who you’re talking to, then you’re betraying them in some way. If sexting is the case, then it’s definitely cheating. [Read: 25 surprising secrets we keep from our partners]

#6 If they were being physical, it would be cheating. Just because they’re not actually doing anything with that person physically doesn’t mean it’s not cheating. They’re doing all the same stuff that a cheater would do in person, just over the phone.

When it’s the same like that, it’ll always be cheating. Imagine if you were in their shoes. Would you feel guilty enough to hide it forever? If so, you’d probably feel like you were cheating. Because you would be.

How to deal with a partner who’s sexting someone else

Not everyone will react the same way to their partner sexting someone else. Certain people will end things immediately while others might choose to talk it out first. Here’s what you can do.

#1 Confront them. Just ask them what’s going on. You clearly know or have a very strong idea that they’re sexting someone else and you deserve an answer. Ask them why they’re doing it and how long it’s been going on.

Get the details so you can fully understand what they’re truly doing. You may be misunderstanding a situation if you jump to conclusions. Sit them down and just talk about why it hurts you and why they feel the need to do it. [Read: 8 ways to confront a cheater who plays the victim card]

#2 Discuss their cheating. Talk about cheating. Is sexting cheating? That might be up to the two of you to decide. Even if you don’t want to call it cheating, it’s still a massive betrayal of trust. You need to talk that out and decide where the lines need to be drawn.

In some cases, you may need to talk about how far is acceptable to both of you. In pretty much all cases in a healthy relationship, sexting is uncalled for and unacceptable. But you and your partner need to decide that together.

#3 Decide if it’s forgivable or not. Personally, this type of behavior is never forgivable. Breaking trust that can’t be rebuilt is like a death sentence for relationships. However, depending on your relationship, it might be salvageable after discussing the matters with your partner.

It’s really up to the two of you as a couple. However, if you decide it’s forgivable, then it needs to be forgiven. You can’t bring it up in later arguments. [Read: 18 signs of an emotional affair you probably didn’t notice]

#4 Get a support system. You’ll want close friends and family with you when dealing with this type of situation. Talk to them and tell them what happened. Have them give you advice and build you up if you’re feeling down.

After you’ve made a solid decision on how to proceed, you’ll want to tell them so they can be there for you because dealing with a cheater is an emotional process. [Read: 10 signs of someone who is truly supportive]

#5 Pack up and leave. Ultimately, it’s really hard to mend things with someone who’s cheated on you. Your best bet would just be to leave them. If they’re disrespecting you in such a horrible way, they’re probably not worth your time. Save yourself the added trouble late and leave them now.

[Read: Snapchat cheating is the new sneaky trend in the ultimate betrayal]

So is sexting cheating? Yes. Yes, it is. Being intimate in that way with someone other than your partner is definitely cheating. There doesn’t need to be physical contact. If their emotions are in it, it’s cheating.

The post Is Sexting Cheating? The Answer You Really Won’t Want to Accept is the original content of LovePanky – Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Article from: LovePanky – Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships, by Bella Pope

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How to Cope with Shame

A salesman started seeing psychotherapist Greg Struve, LAC, SEP, because he feared he was getting fired from his current position. The fear was legitimate: He’d been there for almost 18 months—the same time it’d take for him to get fired from previous jobs. Initially, when he’d start a new job, Struve’s client would work incredibly hard. After 6 months, however, he’d become terrified that his boss and coworkers didn’t like him and might even be trying to sabotage him. He’d start ruining these relationships and making major mistakes. And then, inevitably, he’d be fired.

Unconscious self-sabotage is a common symptom of shame, Struve said. “I’ve seen many clients with a long-standing pattern of making big mistakes at just the wrong time to prevent themselves from achieving something that they unconsciously don’t feel worthy of.”

Trauma therapist Britt Frank, LCSW, SEP, worked with a client who had profound shame about her sexual assault. “She told herself that she ‘should have fought back,’ and ‘should have tried to get away.’ [She] was sitting in a deep pool of depression as a result of the shame,” said Frank, who has a private practice in Kansas City.

Another client struggled with profound shame over her drug addiction. She felt shame (and guilt) for the pain she’d caused her family. And this shame would reignite a cycle of addiction and relapse.

Shame comes in all shapes and stripes. Shame can reside in everyday occurrences. In a conversation with our spouse. During a work meeting. During a class. At the gym. It manifests as people pleasing or chasing perfection.

However, what underlies different shame-filled situations is the same: The belief that we are unworthy. “Shame is a pervasive sense of ‘I am a mistake, and if people knew me they would reject me,’” said Frank, a certified somatic experiencing practitioner and an adjunct professor at the University of Kansas.

Shame is thinking: There is something fundamentally wrong with me. I am defective. I am damaged goods.

Shame is universal and has the same physiological sensations, Frank said: “a pit in the stomach, a feeling of weight on the shoulders, a red face, an inability to look people in the eye, and a desire to isolate and hide from the world.” Shame also triggers a state of survival physiology that spikes stress and shrinks our capacity to function, she said.

A lot of us create a “persona” to mask our shame, said Struve, who offers therapy sessions via online video at GregStruve.com, and serves as executive director of The Way Recovery, a Christ-based therapy clinic and IOP in Phoenix, Ariz. “We do what we can to project an image that will make us worthy of belonging in this world—making lots of money, becoming more attractive, being more religious, becoming an activist, trying to be famous… the list goes on.”

(According to Struve, “The way to decide if your motivation for wanting excellence is rooted in shame is simply to ask yourself: Do I believe that once I achieve this goal I’ll feel good enough? Is my goal to become excellent or to become worthy?”)

Shame stops us from being fully, authentically ourselves, because it convinces us that the true, at-the-core, us will just get rejected, he said. “For the primitive brain rejection equals death.” Shame isolates us, Frank said.

It’s also a vicious cycle. “When people feel shame, they turn to unhealthy coping behaviors to distract from the shame. These behaviors, once completed, end up producing even more shame, so the cycle continues.”

Even though it doesn’t feel like it, shame actually isn’t bad, Struve said. Shame has helped us survive for thousands of years. “A human being who was rejected from their tribe would find themselves at the mercy of the elements, predatory animals and, perhaps most dangerous, other people.”

The key is to work through your shame. While this is best done with a mental health professional, you can start with these suggestions:

Find an empathic person. According to Frank, “When people are locked in a shame spiral, the subcortical parts of the brain tend to take over, and logic and reason become difficult to access.” The part of the brain that’s wounded doesn’t think rationally. Which is why “to heal from shame, it is crucial to be connected in relationships to people who have the capacity to provide empathy.”

Create a collage. Struve suggested gathering a handful of magazines, and cutting out images that represent the parts of you that are hiding beneath your shame. Tape the cut-outs to a large piece of tag board, and hang it somewhere visible. “The reason this works so well is because your unconscious mind deals primarily in pictures, not in words. Simply noticing the collage on a daily basis allows it to go to work.”

Use compassionate self-talk. Frank and Struve both stressed the importance of using affirmations. Frank shared these examples: “I made a mistake, but I am still a good person. I am lovable and acceptable, and I can learn from my mistakes.” “I did not make good choices, but I am still worthy of love and acceptance, and I can make changes that can help enable better choices.” “I have the right to exist, even if I am not perfect.” She also suggested talking to ourselves like we would to a child.

Similarly, Struve talked about identifying limiting beliefs and regularly telling ourselves the opposite. To help you pinpoint limiting beliefs, look for patterns of difficulty in your life, he said. For instance, if you pick partners who cheat on you, your limiting belief might be: “I don’t deserve relationships with people who love me for me”; “all men/women cheat;” or “Sooner or later, I get betrayed.” So you’d tell yourself, “My life is filled with women/men who love and respect me and who behave honorably in relationships.” (You also might make a list of your ideal partner’s traits, he said.)

Use your senses. “Experiencing sensations can stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for producing calmness and a sense of overall well-being,” Frank said. For instance, smell essential oils, listen to music and take a walk in nature, she said. What other ways can you appeal to your senses?

Forgive yourself. Self-forgiveness is speaking to ourselves with kindness and practicing self-acceptance. Which means accepting ourselves exactly as we are, and loving ourselves enough to keep growing, Frank said. If we’ve hurt someone, it also means “making amends, taking ownership over our mistakes, and doing our best to repair what we can.”

Shame is painful, and it can feel permanent. Thankfully, it isn’t. Again, you can work through it (on your own or with a therapist).

Struve’s client ended up changing his ways after doing somatic experiencing around his belief that his father didn’t want him as a child. “His difficulties at work subsided and he was able to focus on his performance and get it back on track.”

Frank’s client who struggled with her sexual assault started making peace with her body, particularly after understanding that the “freeze” response is one way our bodies keep us alive. Her client who struggled with addiction found healing through understanding the dynamics of addiction, receiving acceptance from her peers, starting to forgive herself and changing her shame-soaked self-talk.

No matter how deep or severe your shame, you can be free of it.

Article from: Relationships & Love – Psych Central, by Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S.

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How to Deal with an Insecure Boyfriend Without the Frustration

One of the hardest things when dating is having an insecure boyfriend. Knowing how to handle his insecurities can make your relationship a lot better.

Anyone can have insecurities. Either they grew up with them or something happened to make them feel self-conscious. You probably have insecurities, too. However, when you have an insecure boyfriend, things can get a little tricky to deal with.

Insecurity should never be a deal breaker. If you like someone, you should stay with them regardless. But that doesn’t mean having an insecure boyfriend will be easy. In fact, it can get difficult at times if you’re not sure how to deal with it.

How some people show their insecurities

You might be wondering how you’d even know if your boyfriend is insecure and let me tell you, there are a lot of ways to figure it out. More than likely, you’re reading this because you have already picked up on the fact that he has some issues going on.

Jealousy is easily the most universal sign that a guy has insecurity issues. He’ll get upset when you talk to or even about other guys. He might get upset, actually tell you that you can’t talk to some guys, and he might even accuse you of being unfaithful simply because he’s dealing with some insecurity issues on his own. [Read: How to deal with jealousy in a relationship]

Dealing with an insecure boyfriend made a little easier

Yes, you can deal with these types of behaviors and even make them go away altogether. You alone can’t fix those problems, but you can do certain things to make your man feel secure with you. Here’s how you can handle your boyfriend’s insecurity with ease.

#1 Keep the communication going strong. This is really the most important part of a relationship and oftentimes, the responsibility will fall on the women to keep this up. Men aren’t very good at talking about their feelings.

As long as you continue to prompt your man to talk about the things that are bothering him, you’ll be able to work it out. Ask him questions. Tell him how you’re feeling. Just get him talking about how he’s doing. [Read: 9 ways to get your man to start communicating with you]

#2 Tell him how much he means to you. He should already know, but hearing it time and time again doesn’t hurt. Knowing you want to tell him how much you love him will make him feel good. He’ll feel as though he doesn’t have to worry about you running off with someone else.

#3 Figure out how he feels loved and do that. People don’t feel love the same. You might need physical affection or verbal affection to feel love whereas he might feel love by being needed by you.

Figure out which way he feels the most loved. You can even as him. Ask what things you do make him feel the most appreciated and cared for. Then do those things more often so he’s not as insecure.

#4 Reassure him often. Sometimes you just need to tell him that he has nothing to worry about. Verbally confirm that you’re only there for him and want no one else. It might seem tedious to do this all the time but it’ll be worth it. Just don’t over do it or he might just think you’re saying stuff to throw him off. [Read: How to reassure and win over a super jealous type]

#5 Keep in contact without being asked. Just check in throughout the day. It’s really not that big of a deal. Tell him when you walk from the coffee shop home. Send a quick text when you’re done from work. You don’t have to give him a play by play of your entire day, but just let him know what you’re up to so he doesn’t need to feel anxious and worry.

#6 Ask him to communicate. If he’s an insecure boyfriend, you just need to be upfront with him. Tell him you need him to talk to you more so you can work together. He might not be very good at this at first but the more you ask him to tell you how he’s feeling, the more naturally it’ll come to him.

#7 Don’t point out his insecurities. Never point out his insecurities and never mention them in front of his friends. He knows what they are and it’ll make him feel worse if you point them out and especially if you make fun of them.

He also really doesn’t need his friends to know of his insecurities. Guys feel very emasculated when their friends know their weaknesses. Just keep it to yourself if you know about them. [Read: 20 signs of insecurity people will always try to hide]

#8 Openly discuss his past. Since a guy’s past can tell you a lot about their insecurity issues, go ahead and discuss it with him. At first, he might not want to open up about it. Make sure he knows you’re willing to talk about anything he has to say so he’ll feel more comfortable going to you.

#9 Don’t lie to him about anything. If you lie and he catches it, he won’t be able to trust you. And not having trust will make his insecurities a LOT worse. So if you can avoid it, just don’t lie to him. Tell him the truth whenever you can and make sure it’s right away. This will build up your trust and that’ll help his insecurities settle down. [Read: How to regain your partner’s trust after you’ve lied to them]

#10 Let him meet all your friends – even the guys. If anything, he should be meeting the guys you spend time with right away. Otherwise, it’ll be really easy for him to paint them in a negative light before he even knows them. He’ll get really insecure that you’re spending a lot of time with other guys and it’ll become a really big issue for the two of you.

#11 Open up about your insecurities. Knowing he’s not alone with his insecurities will help him feel a lot better. So talk about yours! Let him know you have issues too and you’re not always happy when it comes to certain things. If he feels like he can be vulnerable with you about something you both are dealing with, it’ll be much easier to handle. [Read: How to feel beautiful even on your darkest days]

#12 Ask him what he needs from you. Be honest and just ask what he needs from you. How much communication does he need throughout the day? What are some things you can do to make him feel better? Knowing exactly what’ll help his insecurity will make your relationship better.

#13 Prove he has nothing to worry about time and time again. This is easy. Just be faithful and be there for him. Always prove his worst fears to be false. This is all it takes for his insecurities to be less and less prominent. He’ll still have them, sure. But the stronger and healthier your relationship is, the less he’ll feel insecure.

[Read: 12 common guys’ insecurities that women don’t realize]

Truth be told, it’s really not that hard to deal with an insecure boyfriend. Just reassure him of your feeling and be honest with him. Doing these things will ensure he knows he has nothing to be insecure about.

The post How to Deal with an Insecure Boyfriend Without the Frustration is the original content of LovePanky – Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Article from: LovePanky – Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships, by Bella Pope

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Dealing with Borderline Personality Disorder

Those with borderline personality disorder (BPD) suffer from a pervasive fear of abandonment and are often triggered into feeling put down or mistreated. They defend against feelings of abandonment, with rage and anger, and become misunderstood when they’re longing for love. In the heat of the moment, they can send the angry text. They can look like a toddler that gets angry, when they protest as a bid for love. It is important to look at what is behind the actual behavior of a borderline person, rather than react. Most of their behavior is a way to communicate how they feel, but it comes out the wrong way.

The individual with borderline personality disorder gets angry in order to defend against deep fears of rejection, often pushing away loved ones, who do not understand them.  Since they feel worthless, they test their partners love, to see if they will abandon them. They are often seen as attacking, so loved ones withdraw from them, misreading their actual behavior as offensive.  It becomes self-perpetuating that the borderline person ends up becoming abandoned, by not being aware of their triggers and projecting their abandonment fears onto others, who may not actually be treating them this way. Because they doubt themselves, they do not understand why anyone would really want them.

As a child the borderline toddler tested the parent by wants or demands, in order to push the boundaries to see how much they could get away with. The toddler needed a parent who could respond to their needs, while also be calm and strong to not give into their wants or demands by setting limits on their behavior. The mother often gave into their tantrums or testing behaviors, so the child didn’t learn limits on their behavior, which later become acting out behaviors. By giving in to their testing behaviors, the parent ended up losing control over the child’s behavior, who keeps acting out, causing the parent to over react by being aggressive or abandoning the child’s needs, when they’ve had enough . The parent was either loving or mean / abandoning.

The borderline child became abandoned or mistreated, unless they complied or met the parent’s needs. Therefore, they give up their self to please others, so they can feel wanted, often not taking care of themselves, ending up in crisis and not having the conviction within themselves to have healthy boundaries or set limits to protect themselves. They usually do not want to hurt others and cannot say no. They end up solving other people’s problems, rather than focusing on fixing their actual life.

They often end up in situations that are destructive, because they do not have a strong enough conviction within themselves to trust themselves, when they notice red flags in relationships. The borderline person will put up with abusive treatment, because they associate abuse with the love they received in the past. They will often pay a high price to feel loved, to avoid abandonment, at the expense of themselves. They often do not know that they are mistreated, because it feels normal, often re-capturing a lost loved parent to meet their unmet needs in their present relationships. They repeat their pattern of putting up with abuse to feel loved, by hoping to recreate the love they’re longing for. Finding abusive or unavailable partners does not actually give them what they didn’t receive and they certainly cannot fix the past by attaching to partners who represent their past.

The borderline person often had parents do things for them, so they learned to depend on others to do things for them or take care of them. Other times they never had parents to support their growth or development. They replace the focus on themselves by focusing on others, to feel good about themselves. The borderline does not have confidence in themselves, often seems vulnerable, appears helpless and sometimes clings to destructive relationships to feel love. So, others feel worried about them and want to help. However, they often didn’t develop the capacity to help themselves, so others tend to rescue them. When others give unwanted advice, it can feel imposing or belittling. When the borderline does not think for themselves, and takes on the advice of others, it prevents them from working things out for themselves. They will not grow, but will stay helpless and dependent on others to take over their life for them, so they do not have to take responsibility. It enables them to stay stuck. Others feel annoyed at their efforts to help that seem to go nowhere, so friends give up on them or have enough, abandoning them when they’re most vulnerable.

The borderline can feel patronized by others taking control of their life for them. All they want is the space to be themselves, so they can understand themselves. They feel others impose and overstep the mark, by telling them what to do. It doesn’t help them to take responsibility for themselves, but reinforces how silly they feel.

How should a borderline individual deal with their emotions?

Firstly, do not react to your feelings. Check out whether your feelings are warranted or if you are being triggered. Recognize your triggers and situations that trigger you. This will help you work out what belongs to you or others. Are the feelings inside of you, or external by being caused by others.

If you are triggered, then digest and process the feelings, to understand them, rather than react to discharge them. Getting in touch with your feelings will help you to manage situations calmly and use your emotions as a tool to understand yourself.

Recognise that the feelings of worthiness or abandonment belong to your past, so do not let them impact the way you see yourself or others. Talk yourself out of it, to overcome these negative self-beliefs or irrational fears. No one really thinks you are as bad as you really think. Learn to deal with feelings and let it go. Be mindful of what belongs to the past and what belongs to the present. Therapy can help to deal with the past so that it doesn’t get in the way and distort one’s perception of reality.

Be aware that the wish to be taken care of or get support from others, can actually push loved ones away and not help you sort your own life. People do not want to be responsible for others, all the time. Also, leaving  your life up to others, means you make them responsible for your life, rather than taking control of our life.

Learn to say no, take care of yourself, set limits on others, so that you are not overwhelmed with everyone else’s problems, to start to sort out your own life. You will not be present in your own life, if you’re dealing with everyone else, but yourself.

If you feel abandoned, by not focusing on everyone else, it is not true. Focusing on others (e.g parent) was a way to prevent feelings of abandonment, but it got in the way of self-activating. The borderline person will get better when they focus on themselves, not others. Lean to centre yourself, by listening to yourself and staying true to your real self, not base your life on what others think you should do.

Do not avoid the areas in your life that make you unhappy; avoidance or denial will further set you back. Listen to yourself. Facing the problems helps you to sort your own life out.

Do not beat yourself up or give up, if things do not work out straight away. Rome was not built in day. Understand that change or reaching one’s goals takes time; the more you do it, the more confidence in yourself you will gain. Share your goals with others, let them know what your set out to do for yourself. Share your aspirations. Become solution-orientated, not problem saturated. When you are positive, you will draw positive things toward you.

When the borderline person can take ownership for their life, and not be derailed by relationships, they can move forward and harness their real self.

Article from: Relationships & Love – Psych Central, by Nancy Carbone

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Am I Manipulative? 11 Behaviors Showing You Manipulate People

Am I manipulative? If you ask yourself this question, it’s time to do some soul searching if you have any of these 11 behaviors.

Am I manipulative? Admit it or not, at one point we used some mental trick to make another person do something we want. We probably did it for fun at first, but once you feel all clever and powerful from doing it, you’ll start the downward spiral to addiction and start manipulating the people around you. That is, until they find out and then start hating you.

Am I manipulative?

As you can see, nobody wants to be manipulated and no one wants a manipulative person in their life. Manipulative people end up being alone as they cannot sustain a long term relationship based on deception. They are hated when discovered, and they cannot be trusted after.

But the question is how do manipulative people play their mental games? Who knows, we might be manipulating people and we are none the wiser. So, if you wonder, am I manipulative, these 11 behaviors say yes.

#1 Being deceptive. Deception is manipulation. By either lying straight to another person or deliberately withholding vital information that concerns the person, you manipulate them into a course of action devoid of the facts.

Example: Gossiping that a guy your friend has a crush on is a player so that you could pursue him yourself.

#2 Gaslighting. Gaslighting is a covert form of deception where instead of withholding information or lying, you make the person doubt their very own thoughts and decisions by implying they are mentally incapacitated.

Example: “You were drunk that day so you couldn’t have seen me with another woman. It’s the booze playing tricks on your head.” [Read: The 16 signs of a gaslighter]

#3 Guilt tripping. Guilt tripping is a form of manipulation that attacks emotion. As we all know, guilt is a strong emotion most people avoid as much as possible. Feelings of guilt cause a great amount of distress. People who experience this would be easily driven into a course of action that somehow alleviates their feelings of guilt. Guilt tripping involves using a person’s sense of guilt to do their bidding.

Example: “You should feel bad forgetting our anniversary. Now, you should make up for it by doing this for me.” [Read: 10 guiltfree ways to handle guilt trippers]

#4 Playing the victim. Playing the victim is another form of emotional manipulation. Humans with their altruistic nature tend to feel sympathy for the victim even when logic advises us against it. By playing the victim, you divert another person’s attention or sometimes diffuse hostility towards you by appearing as the aggrieved party even if you are not.

Example: “I cheated on you because I’ve been cheated on my whole life.”

#5 Shifting the blame on others. Shifting blame towards others is how manipulative people get away with being accountable for their mistakes. While normal people apologize or make up for a mistake, seasoned manipulators concoct a scenario where other people except for them are to blame for a screw-up.

Example: “I only did it because you made me jealous. It’s all your fault.”

#6 Passive aggressive. Passive aggressive is also a form of manipulation. It involves indirect hostile activities such as procrastination, forgetfulness, stubbornness, and silent treatment.

Passive aggressive is particularly annoying since it requires little effort from the person doing it while doing more emotional distress compared to normal aggression. By being passive aggressive, manipulative people emotionally wear down the target of their hostility to do their bidding while at the same time appearing innocent.

Example: Saying that you did not receive the text when your dad asked you to buy something for him. [Read: How to stop being passive aggressive]

#7 Sabotaging relationships. Sabotage is self-explanatory. It is a physical act that immediately results in a strained relationship. By sabotaging relationships, manipulative people influence people’s perceptions or decisions that results in their favor. This way manipulative people pit people in a good relationship against each other, or sway people to agree with their ideas.

Example: What Littlefinger tried to do in Game of Thrones Season 7 Episode 5. [Read: 10 things you do that sabotage your love life]

#8 Being nice to get something they want. We all hate this sort of behavior. We’ve met some kind of person who tried to do this to us. Similar to the saying, “You don’t bite the hand that feeds you,” manipulative people butter up others by flattery and act nice to them until they get what they want from the person.

Example: Flirting with a classmate that you bully in order to get him to do your homework.

#9 Feigning concern. Similar to playing nice until you get what you want, feigning concern is another type of emotional manipulation to make you appear as someone genuinely empathetic to a person experiencing distress in order to gain something from them. Usually they would surprisingly be present in your time of need, offering empty words of support while doing nothing helpful. This way they undermine your suspicion and gain your trust for the day they find your use.

Example: That friend who keeps acting nice and concerned in order to borrow money for you but isn’t there once they already got that they came for.

#10 Raising their voice and acting hostile in an argument. During an argument, people want to resolve disagreements through a mature, intellectual conversation.

However, manipulative people suddenly go into a fit of rage and turn the conversation into a shouting contest in order to raise pulses and veer the conversation off its course. They usually do this once they feel cornered and at the losing side of the argument. [Read: 10 unassuming signs they’re a jerk]

#11 Playing dumb. Ignorance is bliss and innocence. If you are unaware, then you are not culpable. This is how manipulative people use the playing dumb tactic  to manipulate others. It is usually used to get out of a pinch, and more commonly, to avoid responsibilities.

Example: “I cannot do this task since I’m not trained to use this software. Ben here knows how to so he can get this assignment.”

[Read: How to spot manipulative people and stop playing the victim]

Am I manipulative? Nobody wants to be manipulated and no one ever trusts a manipulative person. But as much as we hate manipulative people, there’s a high chance that we may be manipulating others unwittingly. 

The post Am I Manipulative? 11 Behaviors Showing You Manipulate People is the original content of LovePanky – Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Article from: LovePanky – Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships, by Paul Mangay

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Hangry Spouses Lash Out More

It’s a known fact that conflict will happen in marriage. You and your spouse are going to disagree, argue, and perhaps even fight.

But did you know there’s a way to possibly curb the severity of these disagreements?

You’ve heard the old adage “don’t go to bed angry” but it may also be important to eat a snack before going to bed, especially if you’re planning to discuss any tense subjects on the way.

One issue with tackling tough issues in married life towards the end of the day is self-control is a finite resource. If you or your spouse have spent your energy all day on other tasks it is more likely that you’ll have less control of your reactions and responses to marital stress in the evening.

Self-control requires energy, and that energy is provided in part by glucose. Glucose is made from the food we eat being converted into neurotransmitters that provide energy for brain processes. Low glucose levels can undermine self-control because people will have insufficient energy to overcome challenges and unwanted impulses.

Put another way, there is a direct correlation between the severity of marital arguments, time of day the arguments take place and one or both spouse’s “hangriness.”

Being hangry is a combination of hungry and angry, and it merits consideration because low blood sugar can make people touchy and quick to react. This was confirmed in a 2014 study led by Ohio State University psychology researcher Brad Bushman who found that evening glucose levels could predict aggressive impulses and aggressive behaviors in married couples.

A quick snack may stave off more than hunger. It could also prevent major fights between husbands and wives, or at least keep them from escalating.

This research studied 107 married couples for three weeks. Each night, the levels of the blood sugar glucose was measured and each participant was asked to stick pins in a voodoo doll representing his or her spouse. This indicated levels of aggressive feelings.

The researchers found that the lower the blood sugar levels, the more pins were pushed into the doll. In fact, people with the lowest scores pushed in twice as many pins as those with the highest blood sugar levels.

According to this study, there’s a good physical reason to link eating to emotion: The brain, which is only 2 percent of our body weight, consumes 20 percent of our calories.

So, eating a candy bar might be a good idea if you and your spouse are about to discuss something touchy, but fruits and vegetables are a better long-term strategy for keeping your blood sugar levels up.

Clearly if your marriage is defined by gridlock, a chocolate chip cookie is not going to solve all your problems.

But taking note of your diet and your energy may indeed help you curb your aggression toward the ones you love.

So what’s the best way to replenish your self-control and decrease the odds of a major quarrel?

Meet each other for lunch.

 

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How to Scratch the Seven-Year Itch and Rekindle Your Relationship

The seven-year itch has become something of a joke, but it is no laughing matter. Statistics show that it is a real thing. So, how do you override it?

There is an old phrase called the seven-year itch. It is the magical number that allocates the number of years two people are married before the spark goes out and people are tempted to squelch their temptation with someone other than their significant other.

The phrase has been around as long as time. Although it was originally used to describe things irritating like skin rashes, scabies, and STDs, in 1955 good ol’ Marilyn Monroe made the phrase famous in marital terms by citing it in the film adaptation of The Seven-Year Itch.

6 ways to scratch the seven-year itch

So, is there such a thing as a seven-year itch? There is no doubt that at some point every marriage experiences a lull where the lust and dreaminess of the first couple of years are overridden by the mundane nature of the everyday and sex with the same person night after night. But, why seven years? Is there really any scientific research to back it up? [Read: Naughty ideas to spice up married sex]

Apparently, yes. Statistics indicate divorce rates appear to explode in about the seventh year of marriage. The NCHS estimates that the average duration of marriage in America is about 7.2 years and consistently stays there since they began recording data on marriage and divorce in the early 70s.

Although a trend, the seven-year itch doesn’t have to define you or your marriage. I know a plethora of marriages well into their 20th-year mark and going strong. Maybe not having the passion that those who just start out have, but they also don’t have the turmoil of getting to know one another or learning to live together.

If you experience feelings of the seven-year itch, try these six ways to scratch it the right way so you don’t end up in divorce court.

#1 Introduce some new things into the bedroom. Yep, it gets kind of old eating vanilla ice cream for dessert every night. If you are always on top and they are always the one initiating, find a new way to spice things up.

Introduce toys, try watching some movies together, or just make the first move if it isn’t typically your role. Little changes create big excitement. Light your smoldering bed back on fire. [Read: 10 ways to make married sex feel like a one night stand]

#2 Sext it up. Technology is an excellent way to regain the passion that might be missing. Instead of texting about daily chores, try making your significant other feel good about themselves.

Sending them love notes, notes of appreciation, or even sexting during the day, takes you both out of your element. It might feel weird and awkward at first, but you will be surprised at how quickly your marriage responds if you just send a simple sexy picture or text, telling them how hot you still find them. [Read: How to initiate sexting and make your partner hot and horny for you]

#3 Let go of the past. If you want to know how to get over the hump of the past seven years, learn to let go and move forward. All of us keep a record of our past hurts and grievances. It is human nature.

After a while, it’s akin to carrying around a backpack. Who wants to do that? If you are upset about something in the past, let it go. I mean like truly forgive. If you put the backpack down and move around a little more freely, you might just find the person that you fell in love with instead of the person who did you wrong three years ago.

As the old Cherokee proverb says, “Don’t let yesterday take up too much of today.” Let go of whatever resentment  you have from the past. What you find is the same two people who fell in love.

#4 Work on yourself. Sometimes our unhappiness with our significant other stems from being unhappy with ourselves. If you give up the things you love to do, put on a bunch of weight, or just weighed down with career choices, it is easy to lump them into your relationship and put the blame where it doesn’t belong.

Instead of holding your partner responsible, think about the ways you change yourself to make you happy outside of your marriage. That saying that you can’t be happy with someone until you’re happy with yourself is absolutely true.

If you find you aren’t happy in your marriage, consider the fact that it might not be your marriage at all. Create some change in your life that revolves around you alone. [Read: 20 habits of incredibly happy people that can change your life]

#5 Remember that it took you seven years to get where you are at. Change is not easy. Otherwise, we would all be walking around perfect, wouldn’t we? It took you seven years to get to where you are at all the way around. If you want to get over the seven-year itch, then it takes some continual and constant change on both of your parts to straighten things out.

If you make the first move and they respond in kind, then it is your turn. It is those small alterations we make consistently that make a big overall difference in ourselves and our relationships.

You aren’t going to find the magic you lost overnight. But, if you are willing to be creative and put in the extra work that it takes, you can find the love and lust that you felt right up front. [Read: The 14 secrets to rekindling a marriage]

#6 Do the things that turn the other person on. If blow jobs are his thing, do them just because, even if you are tired. If sensual touch is hers, forget your “O” for a bit and make her feel good. Sometimes we forget what sex is for to begin with.

Sure, it is about feeling good. It is also about making our significant other feel good. Instead of getting yours on before you get some sleep, put some real time and effort into spending sexual time together and explore. You just might find that the sex is better than the dreams you have of how good it was when you first met. [Read: How to get a selfish lover to be more giving]

You are older, wiser, and more giving now. So, use that to your sexual advantage to find out how to take sex one step further and beyond.

The seven-year itch might be folklore in words. However, there are some real statistics behind the notion that seven years is when people reevaluate their commitment and consider if they made the right choice. When the romance dies, it is easy to look around and think that being with someone else might be more exciting.

Marriage is NOT easy. Over time you build resentment and put up some walls. If you want to get past the hurdle of the seven-year mark, then it takes some forgiveness, creativity, and imagination. But, the two people hot for each other and in love are still in there, just hidden by the shit that covered them over the past seven years.

[Read: 25 hobbies for couples who want to have fun together]

If you peel away the layers, what you will find is the lust that you lost, and hopefully, the enduring love and friendship gained over the first seven years, not just the seven-year itch. If you merge the two and work with them, the next 70, will be more fulfilling than you can ever imagine.

The post How to Scratch the Seven-Year Itch and Rekindle Your Relationship is the original content of LovePanky – Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Article from: LovePanky – Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships, by Julie Keating

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Feeling Smothered: How to Learn to Give Space and Breathe Again

If you are feeling smothered, then speak up. If you don’t get some space, you are going to get to the point where there is no going back.

When you are in love, those first few weeks are, well, spectacular. You can’t get enough of each other. You giggle at every little ping of your phone telling you your sweetie says “Hi.” You might even give them their own ring tone. But, what happens when you start feeling smothered? Does that mean the romance is over?

Every relationship goes through a natural course of stages. Lust is first, where you can’t get enough of them. The second, a cooling down period where you reconnect with the things in your life that fell invisible while you got to know each other. If you are ready to reintroduce reality back into your life, but the person you are with is not, it might feel more like they smother you. [Read: 9 relationship stages all couples HAVE to go through]

How to grow your relationship beyond feeling smothered

Fear not, just because you want your space, that doesn’t mean that it is splitsville time. What it does mean, is that if you let it continue without saying anything, there is going to come a time when you won’t want to be around them anymore. In relationships, honesty is truly the best policy.

You don’t have to hurt someone to let them know that you need a little breathing room. If you use these ten tricks, it won’t sound nearly as harsh as saying back off for a bit! But, I guarantee you if you don’t let them know and take some time off, you find yourself sick of them the way you get sick of your favorite song. Too much of a good thing is just too much, any way you slice it.

#1 Remind them of the things they used to do that they miss. If you are feeling smothered, there might be a chance that they are too and might not know it. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in things that we forget about what matters to us.

Your significant other might be blowing off their favorite things so that they don’t hurt your feelings or thinking you want them around all the time. Remind them of the things they used to love to do on their own and encourage them to take the time to do them again without fear of losing you.

If you make it a win-win scenario that you both get what you want out of a little space, then they won’t view it as a negative or get nervous that you are saying adios. [Read: How to make the absolute most out of your alone time]

#2 Calm their nerves by letting them know nothing changed about your feelings for them. It might be that your partner is afraid if they aren’t in your sight all the time, you will find someone new.

Make sure to calm their fears when you ask for some space by telling them your feelings haven’t changed. You just need some room to breathe. Everyone needs some time and space alone, everyone.

If you let them know you still want to be with them, just not every waking moment, and that nothing has changed, they will probably grant you the time needed without fear or anxiety. You’ll both feel better and give them the license to take the same time without worry. [Read: The 15 phases of a healthy relationship]

#3 Make a schedule of your time, their time, and together time clear. If you want some time to yourself, then make it a regular thing. If you make up a schedule of your time, their time, and then togetherness time, you send a clear message that it isn’t that you don’t want time with them, it is just that you need some time without them.

Knowing you have a plan and that you will be back is a very important part of telling your partner you need some space. Making up a schedule says to them they are still important and you have no intention of getting rid of them.

#4 Don’t be sneaky or lie. If you are feeling smothered and without any freedom, the WORST thing you can do is lie to your partner. If they catch you lying, then they not only cling harder but are resentful and distrustful of you. That ups their anxiety and makes them fearful of you ever leaving their side.

When you lie to someone, you put them on guard. It makes them think, “Well, if they lie about one thing, they can lie about anything.” It is okay to tell someone you feel smothered and need some freedom. It isn’t okay to find your freedom through sneaking and lying. Not cool, man or woman-up and just be honest. [Read: 10 common reasons why all of us lie in relationships]

#5 Make it gradual. If you go to them one day and say “I want some space” they are going to wonder what went wrong and what they did. Small changes are much easier on someone highly attached. Maybe suggest that you are going to go out for the night and leave for a couple of hours.

The next time, stay out a little longer, and then consider vacationing or going away for an extended time. If someone clings to you, then they are dependent on you. If you take it gradually, they learn to lean on themselves a little more, and it won’t sound so harsh or be a shock to the system.

#6 The harder you pull away, the more they will chase, and then it is ON! If you aren’t honest about feeling smothered, what you don’t know is that the person who loves you feels it. They feel a change in you. Maybe it is an additional irritation, maybe just that you pull away to find some quiet time by hiding. Whatever it is that you feel, they feel in you.

And, it probably drives them to cling harder. Be honest, or you just create an atmosphere of anxiety. It makes your partner wonder if something is wrong or if you aren’t interested in them anymore. [Read: How to tell someone to leave you alone and get the space you crave]

#7 Know what you want so you aren’t leading them on. If it is more than just feeling smothered and you lost interest and need time to figure out what you want, then take the time. It is never easy to tell someone that you might not be into them and need the space to figure it out.

It hurts way more if you lead them on for another couple of months knowing what you already know in your heart. Rip off the Band-Aid and figure things out. Staying with someone when you don’t know how you feel about them isn’t doing either of you any favors. In fact, it hurts you both! [Read: How to make taking a break work for you]

#8 Explain to them why you need time apart. Explain to them why you need some space. If it is that you miss your friends, say so. If it is that you just are someone who needs “me” time, say that too.

The more you explain what goes on, the more they understand that it isn’t or is them. Whatever it is, telling them the truth is always better than leaving them guessing, that I promise you.

#9 Make the time you are with them more concentrated. If you don’t want them to be so smothering, stop making them fight for your attention. Take your time alone and apart. Remember when you have made the promise to be with them, make it concentrated time and time to connect.

Staring at a television screen with them after you spent four days with your friends having the time of your life isn’t a good habit. It only tells your partner they are your downtime. If you want them not to smother you, then give them the attention they crave. [Read: 10 fun relationship games for couples to feel really close]

#10 Cut them loose. Maybe you aren’t feeling smothered, maybe you just know that things aren’t right. Sometimes we know in our hearts that someone isn’t good for us and they aren’t what we want. We are afraid to be alone or to tell the other person.

If you tried the whole cooling off and backing away, and you still feel smothered, then the answer might be that you are with the wrong person, period. [Read: Breaking up with someone you love – 20 right reasons to walk away]

Feeling smothered is an awful feeling. Whether it is that your significant other clings to you like an octopus or they get upset if you want to do anything without them, be honest and find a way to create distance. You can’t go on feeling caged. You will just end up being resentful.

If you tell someone you need a little more freedom and it is true love, they will understand. They will find security in the fact that your love might just need to move onto another level.

[Read: Should you break up? 17 signs you’re past the point of no return]

But, that doesn’t mean that the love isn’t there. If it is meant to be, it will. Feeling smothered isn’t any way to live nor can you survive that way.

The post Feeling Smothered: How to Learn to Give Space and Breathe Again is the original content of LovePanky – Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Article from: LovePanky – Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships, by Julie Keating

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If marriage is nothing like you thought it would be

The following is an excerpt from Naked Marriage

I believe a majority of married couples have a false notion of what marriage truly is, and those rose-colored assumptions tend to heighten expectations to such unrealistic levels that these couples often find themselves in predicament’s like Amy and Daniel’s. Because they don’t understand what marriage is and could be, they hide from each other.

To keep the peace, they continue the charades, each spouse reluctantly believing, “I guess this is just how it’s supposed to be.” Consequently, they refuse to get naked with each other in all of that word’s scary yet glorious permutations: emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Naked Marriage encourages you to find yourself and fully reveal yourself, so your marriage can become fully alive.

Many married people enter into marriage thinking they know what they’re signing on for only to discover what they thought are really myths, like “my spouse completes me” or “all fights in marriage are bad.” Each of the following chapters considers one major myth and the practical steps you can take to release that myth’s stranglehold on your marriage.

Every marriage is unique: you may not struggle with certain myths, but I’m willing to bet at least a few of these falsehoods have attached themselves to your marriage.

The unfortunate truth is that all marriages have problems. Size and frequency may vary, but every marriage encounters problems because every marriage involves two very human people. In fact, I believe all marriages are meant to have problems so we might better see ourselves and be matured. From my perspective, marriage is more about two people becoming better humans than it is about two people becoming happy. To that end, let’s consider how rediscovering your individuality will help you grow closer to your spouse.

In other words, let’s start stripping away the myths we wear like fig leaves to hide who we truly are.

Created to Be Naked

Marriage reveals what you wrestle so hard to keep hidden. But what if marriage is supposed to do exactly that? What if marriage is supposed to expose you for who you really are? What if you strip off the myths of marriage so you can clearly see yourself and allow your spouse to really see you too? Isn’t that rather enticing—to be truly, deeply, and fully known and loved for you?

What if, instead of protecting yourself from your spouse, you leaned into the nakedness of marriage? What if the way we all once were—naked and unashamed—is the way we’re supposed to be?

At the dawn of history, the author of the biblical book of Genesis wrote, “Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame” (Gen. 2:25). Imagine what it would be like to be naked with your spouse, fully exposed and vulnerable, and to feel no shame.

After creating Adam and Eve, God said His creation was “very good,” which should lead us to assume that being naked and feeling no shame is a very good thing. Practically speaking, I agree. Not having to worry about what I’m going to wear every day would be great. Emotionally speaking, feeling no shame and being content with who I am would definitely be very good.

When you were born you were perfectly OK with who you were. You experienced no shame because you didn’t know what shame was. You also didn’t know you were naked.

So why do we wear clothes? Why do we hide who we truly are from the one person we believe who truly wants to know us?

Because we learned the meaning of shame.

Do you know the first thing that happened after Adam and Eve defied God by choosing to eat fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil?

Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.

Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?”
[Adam] answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”
And he said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?”
The man said, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.”
Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?”
The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate” (Gen. 3:7–13, emphasis added).

Men, here’s some free advice: never answer any accusation, whether from God or man, with, “The woman you put here with me…” It’s not a good idea. That said, there’s a more important point to be drawn from this tragicomic exchange between God and his creation.

Why would Adam and Eve’s illicitly-gained, newfound knowledge suddenly lead to a desire to wear clothing? Because the knowledge they’d acquired signified a deep internal change.

For all its fun in appropriate settings, nudity makes us uncomfortable in almost every area of our lives. Aside from dogs forced to wear ridiculous sweaters, we’re the only species that wears clothes. In fact, no culture on the planet walks around completely naked. Even those who wear less clothing than what’s acceptable in our culture, like certain tribes deep in the jungles, feel shame when the one string around their waist comes off in public.

We all feel shame when our outer layers reveal what we strive to keep private.

That’s as true for our souls as it is for our bodies.

Drop your fig leaves and strip the myths away

Whether you realize it or not, you and your spouse are the modern-day equivalents of Adam and Eve. Ashamed of revealing who you truly are, you’ve woven and worn emotional fig leaves throughout your life in order to hide your shame. In the following chapters, we’ll discuss these fig leaves and the shapes they take in your marriage. More importantly, we’ll discuss what you can do to strip away these myths that have developed so you can be naked and unashamed within your marriage.

As humans, we’re often very adept at hiding who we really are, especially from those closest to us, despite the fact that we desperately want those people to know us and to know us deeply. Why do we suffer from such a subtle, internal tug-of-war when we were created to be emotionally naked in our marriages?

Because of our fear of being naked, we struggle against ourselves, our spouses, and the world at large to get back to being naked, to return to a state where we’re content with who we are. I believe that marriage was designed to help grow you into who you’re meant to be. It’s the only kind of relationship where two different people can learn how to become comfortable being naked with each other. In other words, marriage is the best place to be truly seen and known, which makes marriage simultaneously awesome and terrifying.

In this life, you will never be able to experience physical or emotional nakedness without shame the way Adam and Eve did, but I promise, you can overcome shame a little at a time and grow more comfortable with your own nakedness. Relationships where both spouses can be emotionally naked with each other result in closeness, trust, security, and love, and those are strong, deep, foundational feelings we all secretly want to experience deep within our souls.

That’s what marriage is supposed to be like, but it takes hard self-focused work to get there. Remember: as you grow, so grows the marriage.

So let’s get growing.

Pick up your copy of Naked Marriage: Uncovering Who You Are and Who You Can Become Together 

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Why Women Pull Away: 12 Reasons Why Girls Run as You Get Closer

You’re dating a girl and want to take it to the next level, but do you feel like she’s pulling away? Here’s why women pull away in the first place.

This always happens, even to the best of us. We’re hanging out with someone, we start to develop feelings, and just when you think everything’s going great, boom. It ends. Don’t worry, you’re not the only one wondering why women pull away.

Sadly, this happens to most of us, even me. I went to Australia for a guy, and he pulled away while I was there, so don’t think it’s so cheery on our side either. So, if you’re dealing with this right now, I understand.

Why women pull away

You probably think that women are complicated, but it’s not women, it’s people in general. People are complicated and make things so much more dramatic than they need to be. Listen, I don’t know what’s going on in their heads, but, I have a pretty good idea behind why women pull away. I know it’s cliché, but it’s not you. It’s them.

I mean, they may not be sure or into you, but that’s not because you’re doing something wrong. So, don’t think you’re the problem.

#1 It’s all happening too soon. She didn’t expect this to happen. Now she’s freaking out. It’s normal when people fall in love, everything just falls off balance and you’re taken down this whirlwind that you didn’t expect.

But at the same time, she’s scared. When things happen all of a sudden it becomes very overwhelming, causing people to just take a break and get some air. Maybe all she needs is some air. [Read: What a woman really wants when she pulls away]

#2 You’re too aggressive. You’re too much and not in a good way. You’re too much in her face, too lovey dovey, just too much. This isn’t bad, but for her, it’s overwhelming. Take it easy, cowboy. Your aggressiveness is causing her to freak out and retreat. If you want her, it’s cool, but don’t make her feel like she’s being hunted.

#3 She’s terrified. Falling in love is a big deal. It’s terrifying. I fell in love and got rejected, so you can only imagine how she’s feeling. Not everyone is so willing to jump into a relationship like you or me.

Some people take longer to process their feelings and really decide if it’s for them or not. So, maybe she really likes you, but she’s scared as shit. Don’t pressure her, give her space, and talk to her. If she’s scared, she’ll tell you what she needs from you. [Read: 10 clearest signs you should back off when pursuing a girl]

#4 She’s trying to figure things out. She likes you, but she’s trying to grasp onto the railings, if you get what I mean. Maybe this was unexpected and now she’s off balance. She just needs to figure out if this is what she wants and how this relationship will work for her. In this case, she needs time to adjust. Communicate openly with her.

#5 She isn’t feeling the same way. She went on a couple dates with you, tried it out, but she’s not into you like that. Sure, she thinks you’re nice and a good person, but for her, you’re missing something. This doesn’t mean you miss something, you are who you are, but you’re not for her. She knows that, hence, why she’s pulling away from you. [Read: Is she flirting or just being friendly? The real differences]

#6 She’s not sure. She likes you, but she’s just not sure if you’re the one she wants to date. I know, it’s harsh to read that, but it happens. She tests you out and if she pulls away, maybe you’re not the one for her. Which, on the bright side, is good that you found out now.

This has probably happened to you as well, maybe you liked a girl, but not enough to be exclusive with her. Right now, this is what’s happening.

#7 You’re not being patient. One of the biggest reasons why women pull away is because you’re rushing things too quickly. She likes you, you like her, but you’re already looking for the ring, and it’s only the second date. You need to slow it down and take a breath.

If you’re too impatient, she feels it and that makes someone uncomfortable very easily. So, just try to enjoy the moment and though you want a future with her, don’t make it so obvious just yet. [Read: 8 signs you’re coming on way too strong]

#8 She actually really likes you. She really likes you. In fact, she likes you a lot. This is a terrifying thought for many people. I mean, when you like someone, you open yourself up to getting hurt. And what’s the best way to not get hurt? To not see anyone or at least to keep things casual. If things get too serious and she sees herself falling for you, she’s out.

#9 She’s suffering from “FOMO.” Or, also known as the fear of missing out. Listen, she likes you, but she’s also interested in the guy that works at Starbucks. Do you get what I mean? She doesn’t want to commit to you because she’s not fully ready to stop seeing other people.

You’re too serious for her, and she still wants to play the field. This doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you, she does, but not enough. [Read: 15 signs she’s leading you on and taking you nowhere]

#10 You’ve become “soft.” Now, I don’t think you should become an asshole to try to keep her, this isn’t what it’s about. But she liked the chase and she liked that you didn’t always give her what she wanted.

Now, you’re in love with her and you want to do nothing more than shower her with gifts, I get it. But don’t do it. Treat her well and treat her with respect but don’t throw in the towel and surrender yourself to her. She may be bored now that she’s getting her way all the time.

#11 You’re not giving her space. You clearly see that she’s pulling away. Instead of communicating with her or giving her space, you suffocate her. Which, I understand, you’re scared of losing her so you try to pull her back to you. But, by suffocating her with yourself, you won’t get her back.

You need to give her the space she needs since she’s clearly already in her head with thought. Instead of being in her face, talk to her. [Read: How to give space in a relationship and not drift apart]

#12 You’re not communicating how you feel. She may really be into you, but you’re not letting her know that you’re into her. So, why would she invest her time into someone who she can’t fully read? How does she know you’re into her if you don’t express it in some fashion?

She may be pulling away because she feels she’ll get hurt in the end. Now, it doesn’t matter if you really like her, she can’t tell if you do, so it’s the same as not liking her.

[Read: How to let a girl know you genuinely like her, without even telling her]

Now that you know why women pull away, don’t be so hard on yourself. Sure, what she did wasn’t nice, but she’s clearly not the one for you. So, be happy, you dodged a bullet.

The post Why Women Pull Away: 12 Reasons Why Girls Run as You Get Closer is the original content of LovePanky – Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Article from: LovePanky – Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships, by Natasha Ivanovic

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Relationship Therapy: 25 Clues to Know If It’ll Help Your Romance

Knowing if you and your partner need relationship therapy can be tricky. These 25 signs help you decide if it’s time to seek professional help.

Admitting that your relationship might be on the rocks is not easy. However, recognizing what it is and wanting to fight for it is the only way to save it. Relationship therapy can provide a lot of help in a struggling relationship.

If you ignore your relationship problems and bury them, the likelihood is you’ll only make things worse, argue more, and become more miserable. When you do try to finally sort it out, it will be too late and feel like the only option is to end it.

25 signs relationship therapy might work for you

The good news is that if both parties are willing, if they love one another, and really want to make their relationship work, then a lot of problems, yes, even really big problems, get sorted out. There are some instances where perhaps it’s a better idea to walk away. Only you really know if your relationship is worth the fight.

If it is and you want to do something about it, relationship therapy might just be the answer that you seek. Relationship therapy has helped thousands of couples get back on track. But how do you know if your relationship really needs it?

#1 You have big fights. If you have big fights with your partner, relationship therapy could be very useful. Constant screaming matches over issues, however big or small, are not healthy in a relationship.

Everyone fights from time to time, but these should be infrequent and certainly not reach the level where you really shout, being deliberately hurtful or aggressive. [Read: The top 20 reasons for divorces most couples overlook]

#2 You put one another down. Being deliberately hurtful and mean to one another shows things turned bitter. If you find yourself putting your partner down, or vice versa, you might need to turn to the professionals. [Read: 6 things you should never, ever say in relationship fights]

#3 You are no longer affectionate. Did you hold hands and cuddle up in the evening, but that’s now gone? This is a sign you aren’t connected in the same way you used to be.

#4 The sex has dried up. Everyone’s sex life slows down in a long-term relationship, but if being physical is off the radar altogether, or one of you is unhappy with your sex life, a relationship therapist could help.

#5 You struggle to find reasons to be together. If you can’t remember why you are with your partner and struggle to find positives in your relationship, things can feel pretty dire. Some counseling and talking can get to the bottom of it and help you remember why you want to be together once more.

#6 You don’t appreciate one another. If you feel unappreciated and your partner complains of the same, you lost the ability to appreciate and respect one another. Sometimes you can find it again with relationship therapy. [Read: 16 really easy ways to instantly show your appreciation for someone]

#7 You can’t forgive one another. Sometimes old arguments and disagreements are hard to let go of. You might need some help to work through your issues and find a way to forgive one another.

#8 You bicker constantly. Constant bickering is incredibly draining and could be a sign of something more serious. To get to the bottom of it, a relationship therapist helps tease out the issues.

#9 You both become selfish. If you only think about yourself in your relationship, you might as well be out of it. Being considerate of the other is so important. [Read: Selfishness in relationships and 15 tips to do the right thing]

#10 You think about finishing the relationship. If you often think about breaking up with your partner, you are clearly at the end of your tether, and relationship therapy could bring you back together.

#11 You fantasize about cheating. Do you think about cheating on your partner? Do you flirt with other people or behave inappropriately when they are not around? This is a sign they hurt you, and you don’t respect them anymore. This needs addressing ASAP.

#12 You are unfaithful. If you or your partner has been unfaithful, it can be an incredibly difficult thing to get over. External help encourages you both to address it and work your way through it.

#13 You fantasize about another life. Do you feel like you want to escape? Do you imagine what your life would be like without your partner? When things aren’t going well it can be easy to give up. However, relationship therapy helps you find another way.

#14 You always moan about your partner to your friends. Do you feel like you have nothing good to say about your partner? Do your friends turn against them because of your stories? This is a sign your relationship needs help.

#15 You feel you can’t communicate with your partner anymore. If you don’t know how to express yourself to your partner, or don’t see the point, a third party helps teach you how to communicate well once more. [Read: 15 rules to be a good partner in a relationship]

#16 You don’t talk about your relationship to anyone else. Do you stay quiet about your relationship because you know it’s so bad? This could be a sign that you need some help to make it through.

#17 You never go on dates. Have you stopped bothering to make time to do things together, just the two of you? You need this in a relationship, find a way to get back on track.

#18 You never make an effort to look nice. Relationships require work. If you aren’t making an effort any longer it could be your relationship is on the rocks.

#19 You make big decisions without consulting your partner. Making big decisions without talking to your partner shows a lack of respect. Respect is hugely important in a relationship.

#20 You turn to other people for advice. If you would rather talk to anyone but your partner when you need advice, it shows that you do have things you want to talk about. Your partner, who ideally is the first person you turn to, is not who you want to talk to. A counselor helps you figure out why, learn to trust in one another, and value one another’s opinions once more.

#21 You fight about money. Fighting about money places a massive strain on your relationship. Seek help to talk through these issues. [Read: What to do if your partner makes more money than you]

#22 The same issues keep coming up. If your arguments always seem to be about the same thing, a relationship counselor helps you to get to the root cause.

#23 You want to have relationship therapy. If you feel relationship therapy could be the answer, then there is no reason not to give it a go.

#24 Your partner wants relationship therapy. If your partner suggests relationship therapy they clearly feel you need it, but also want to fight for your relationship. Try to be open and amenable to the idea. [Read: 18 critical signs of an unhealthy relationship]

#25 You want to have a healthy relationship. For some people, relationship therapy is a way of life! It often leads to a wonderfully healthy relationship where you are both open, honest, loyal, and loving. So, it could be the best thing you’ve ever done!

Admitting to yourself and your partner that you need relationship therapy feels extremely daunting. However, it can actually be a really positive sign. You don’t want to waste months or even years being unhappy in your relationship. Make a huge difference in your relationship by giving it a try.

[Read: 20 signs you should break up and throw in the towel]

So, if the above signs seem like you, are you willing to give relationship therapy a try? You could well be on your way to a healthy, happy, long-lasting relationship—and who wouldn’t want that after all?!

The post Relationship Therapy: 25 Clues to Know If It’ll Help Your Romance is the original content of LovePanky – Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Article from: LovePanky – Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships, by Bethany Cadman

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