While this study was done on college age dating couples, some of the findings are certainly relevant to a wider group – including married folks of all ages. For example:
“Overall, the study found that both men and women who reported being more true to themselves also behaved in more intimate and less destructive ways with their partner, and that led to them feeling their relationship was more positive. In addition, they also reported greater personal well-being.”
and
“Men who were more true to themselves had partners who showed more healthy relationship behaviors. However, there was no significant relationship between women being true to themselves and men’s relationship behaviors.”
What I see in this is that being ourselves, being true to who we are at our core, is good for us and for our wife. Being true to ourselves can actually change how our wife feels and reacts, making her feel better about herself and the marriage.
Beyond that, the fact that men don’t react to a woman being true to herself is a bit disturbing to me. Those who did the study suggested the reason for this was societal gender roles. Maybe it would have been just as accurate to suggest men are more self-sufficient… or maybe more selfish?
Is it important to you that your wife is true to herself? How important is it, and how much are you willing to sacrifice to make it possible for her to do that more completely?
[This post first appeared March 22, 2010.]
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