It all seemed to be going so well. The chemistry between the two of you was obvious. You both shared most of the same interest and the conversations you had whether online by phone or face to face were filled with incredible talks and laughter. Things were just about to go to the next level in your relationship i.e. get more serious. It was not just you who felt that way either. Your partner was on the same wavelength.
And then it happened. The message on your cell phone was pretty direct in fact it seemed downright cold. Almost like hearing the voice of a total stranger instead of someone you had started to build a good relationship with. The words were short and to the point: “I never want to see or hear from you again.”
What went wrong? You call the person and try to find out the reason. When they answer the phone, they sound even colder than the voicemail. They tell you in no uncertain terms that they do not owe you anything and the relationship is thru. Click. End of conversation; end of relationship.
The reasons can be varied but in reality it does not matter. The main point is that being dumped is one of the most painful things that can happen to anyone. Rejection is a powerful force that can hit us like a tidal wave. Why? Because no matter how tough or hard core the person, deep down we all want to be accepted in some way. It is even more painful when love is involved.
Love puts us in a position where we are the most vulnerable. To share your life experiences with someone only to have them turn around and reject you seems like they are laughing in your face. It hurts. Anyone who says otherwise is only fooling themselves. If you have to grieve in you own way to get over it that is fine.
What you must not let rejection do to you is to create a permanent wall of self doubt. That has the potential to sabotage any relationships you will have in the future (and you will have future relationships). If you want to analyze what went wrong, then go ahead. Are there things you could have done differently? Possibly. No relationship is perfect. But remember also it takes two to tango. It is more than okay to assign some of that blame to the other person. That does not mean you call them up and start telling them what they did wrong. The relationship is over so respect their wishes.
What do you do? Move on. You were a good person before the relationship and you are still a good person. Understand it is their loss not yours. Now they will never get to know all about wonderful you. That is not arrogance or desperation. It is just the plain truth. Rejection in a relationship should never mean you stop loving or caring about you.
Don’t internalize any of those silly poems or love songs that say they (meaning you) will never love again. Of course you will. Leave all that self doubt in the past and move on. The only song you should be internalizing is the one written by Jerome Kern:
“Nothing’s impossible I have found,
For when my chin is on the ground,
I pick myself up,
Dust myself off,
Start all over again.”
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