Save My Marriage Or Relationship – Getting to the Core of Relationship Problems

Many people search on my website because their relationship has run into difficulties and they are looking for help or ideas. The truth is that sustaining a successful romantic relationship is one of the hardest things we will ever do in life. After falling in love and the ‘honeymoon’ period, we all have to work on our relationships. This is because relationships bring up our deepest fears and insecurities. We can even think of relationship problems as our best opportunity to heal our personal issues – that is why we have come together with our partner.

I could offer you some temporary fixes to an ailing relationship, but if we are really going to save it and turn it into a lifetime partnership we must learn how to work on the negative issues that come up between us and a partner. To save a relationship and make it sustainable into the future we must be willing to heal the core issues that have caused it to run into difficulties in the first place.

Unexpressed Fear and Needs

All relationship problems arise from a breakdown in the loving connection between two people. There will always be some negative emotions that have not been expressed in the relationship – it is the fear associated with these, usually unconscious, feelings that destroys the relationship. The unexpressed feelings cause us to separate from our partner because we do not want them to see our negative side in case they reject us. Ironically, this is exactly what our protective strategy brings about!

Out of our fear comes our needs and these create demands on our partners. If there is a problem in a relationship, one or more significant need is NOT being met. Interestingly this will be the same need that your partner also feels is lacking in the relationship. By identifying your unmet needs you can give this same thing to your partner and they will automatically begin to give this same thing back to you. It is even better if you can talk about your fears and needs with your partner in an emotionally mature way. Honest and heartfelt communication is the best way to save a relationship. It can take courage to express your feelings but this is the way forward in a relationship problem. Sometimes it takes time and the help of a third party to do this, so you might consider some counselling. As you communicate about your unmet needs and fears you will find that your partner shares them and any problems will then fall away.

Arguments and Rows

Relationship fights are about who is going to meet the needs of the other person. Given that they are always shared by both partners, you can see how futile this is. To end an argument and prevent others occurring you must be willing to stop the fight over needs and think about what you could give to the relationship to make it better. Such leadership only comes when we recognise the cause of the fights and gain sufficient emotional maturity not to be triggered into anger and attack.

Judgements

Our judgements about our partners are really our self-judgements. We project out the parts of ourselves that we do not like on the people around us. What are you judging in your partner? What annoys you about them? Perhaps they are always busy at work and you don’t feel they value you. If so, how much do you value yourself and how much quality time do you give to yourself. By working on your own self-esteem (see my website for more ideas) you will become more attractive to your partner. After all, they fell in love with you because of the positive qualities they saw in you – find these again in yourself, embody them with all your senses and start giving them once again.

Spirituality

If you have a spiritual or religious belief you can ask for help and guidance from God (or however you know a divine or spiritual presence in your life). At the core of all relationship problems is a loss of faith in our own spirit and divine, loving connections. In fact we are afraid of this much connection – afraid of a spiritual oneness where there is just love for ourselves, everybody and everything. It seems that we create our relationship problems to avoid accepting our true loving destinies. Any spiritual practice will help with re-connecting with our spirit and help us to find peace and love in our romantic relationships.

Love

I assume you first got together with your partner because you felt so much love for them. At that time you both put aside your fears and needs and discovered unconditional love. Being human means that those fears often return but we can heal them best with a partner providing we are willing and brave enough to go into those areas of pain in our mind that we have hidden away. We avoid expressing our pain because we don’t want our partner to see what we perceive as a weakness – we fear they will reject us and leave us, and yet if we don’t express them the relationship is at great risk. Therefore a willingness to open our hearts and just become more authentic will always reveal the truth in a relationship and allow both partners to grow and take their lives forward.

So what is it that is holding your relationship back? Now is the time to grasp the nettle and open your heart. Feel into your own pain and hidden insecurities and realise that these are also in your partner, but probably cleverly hidden by compensatory behaviour. Your partner needs your help and you currently have more emotional awareness. They need your forgiveness for any failings and your emotional courage to inspire them to heal their own insecurities. Pour your love, appreciation and gratitude onto your partner and re-discover all those things that you adored about them in the beginning.

Peter Granger is an acclaimed relationship counsellor and a Psychology of Vision Trainer (an organisation that specialises in helping people have happier and more fulfilled relationships. You can find lots more advice and tips about love, romance and relationships on http://ift.tt/2nyNmc3

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Dating Senior: Where Senior Singles Find Love and Companionship

Are you a senior single who is thinking about dating again? Meeting new people can be challenging especially to older people as they often face unique circumstances.

One of the greatest challenges is that many older people have been in a relationship that may have lasted for decades. Having to learn the dating game all over can give one an awkward feeling.

It is beyond the scope of this article to offer support to the person who, for any reason, is unable to let go and start over. Such a person may need help from a professional. This article is for the relationship-ready person who does not know where (or how) to start.

Another obstacle to senior dating is that there are not too many avenues open to this age-group. Singles clubs and bars and clubs are not exactly made with this population in mind. Well, being the one senior person in a club full of twenty-something year olds is not particularly endearing, and is open to the wrong interpretation.

Added to this is feeling, real or imagined that one is no longer as attractive as they once were. Physical limitations that sometimes inevitably come with age complicate things even farther. People of the same age-group might be more understanding and accommodating to these limitations.

So, where to go for the senior single seeking a companion or partner?

While joining a group or club consisting of people with similar interests may be a starting point, there still might not be as many available (and compatible) seniors. Dating has always been a numbers game. Cruises and vacation packages for seniors could cost a fortune, with zero end-results.

One option that offers the best value is senior online dating. There are dating services dedicated specifically to helping people over 40 or 50 years old find partners.

Surveys by dating sites indicate that the fastest growing segment in online dating (aka internet dating) is the above age 40 bracket. This can be traced to the virtual non-availability of other convenient dating methods open to senior singles.

Senior dating sites are very active and are not just for retirees. Nor are they for perverts simply out to satisfy their twisted cravings. Most people in this age group seek serious relationships. Plus, you need not worry about competing with younger people as they won’t be on these sites!

A senior dating service offers several advantages over other dating methods. One big advantage is ability to search among hundreds of senior singles all of whom have one goal, to find a mate. All are there because they are available (no guessing).

Another advantage is that you can search by geographical area, age, height etc., as well as interests. This greatly increases your chance of finding a compatible partner.

Reputable dating sites make huge efforts make your mate-finding experience easy through user-friendly interfaces. They also go to great lengths to protect your privacy.

Online senior personals help bring this segment of people together from the comfort and privacy of their own homes, 24/7. Seniors are able to meet on the internet without having to worry about physical limitations, loosing face, or feeling out of place.

Little wonder then, that senior dating is such a growing phenomenon on the internet. Most of the top-rated sites offer free trials. You should at least give senior online dating a try for one simple reason. It works.

David Kamau is webmaster of e-DateCentral.com Find top-rated dating services for seniors seeking love, marriage, friendship, fun and more at:

Senior Dating Services

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What Triggers You?

Getting “triggered” is an opportunity to heal and grow. The more hurts we’ve endured and the weaker our boundaries, the more reactive we are to people and events. Codependents are off the charts when it comes to reacting to others’ feelings, needs, problems, opinions, wants, and more. When we react, we permit our insides to be taken over by someone or something outside of us. There’s no filter or boundary. We’re pulled off our center and might start thinking about that person or about what might happen in the future. Negative reactions can easily escalate hurt feelings and conflict. Often, however, we’re really reacting to someone not even present from a different time and place.

A wise and apropos Al-Anon slogan is “Q-Tip,” — “Quit Taking It Personally.” When we interpret someone else’s words or actions as a comment about us, we’re taking other people’s feelings personally. We might react with guilt or defensiveness, because we assume we’re the cause of someone else’s negative emotion or problem. We have just taken on the other person’s problem or shame when they shame or blame us. Our peace of mind and self-esteem now resides with someone else.

Defining Triggers

What we react to — our “triggers” — are unique to our personality and individual history. Think of triggers as wounds — often past trauma. When we’re triggered, we’re re-experiencing a past injury in present time — similar to a post-traumatic stress reaction. It’s reopening a painful wound that hasn’t had a chance to heal. A sign of being triggered is when our reaction is disproportionate to the present event or not reasonably related to the actual present facts.

Internal Triggers

Primary triggers are internal, dysfunctional personal beliefs that we learned in childhood. We can trigger ourselves into feeling ashamed if we don’t measure up to standards we’ve adopted for ourselves. We can easily activate our inner critic to ruin our day or our life! Do the steps in 10 Steps to Self-Esteem: The Ultimate Guide to Stop Self-Criticism to quiet your critic and overcome the “tyranny of the should’s.” An example is the belief that we should self-sacrifice for other people. Codependents generally deny or devalue their needs. Given this belief, it thus makes sense to put the needs of others first and feel guilty or ashamed not to. Someone asking for help would thus trigger our automatic offer of assistance, even when that could harm ourselves or be counterproductive to the person asking.

Shame-based beliefs about ourselves can make us vulnerable to being triggered by the words and behavior of others. When we’re criticized, whether or not it’s intentional, we can easily surrender our self-esteem and sense of well-being. A common trigger for codependents is being told they’re “too sensitive,” or “selfish.” Frequently, their parents dismissed their feelings or needs with these shaming labels. However, labels stick, despite the fact that they were said by an insensitive or selfish parent. We can grow up feeling branded for life, even though the judgments were untrue.

External Triggers and Overreactions

In some cases, triggers are imminent signs of danger that preceded an earlier wound. We learned to react to them in order be safe and loved. Sometimes these warnings are helpful, but when applied automatically to a different situation, our reactions can be dysfunctional. This is particularly true when we overreact. Overreactions occur when the intensity and duration of our feelings and/or behavior are disproportionately greater than normal under the present circumstances. We overreact when we’re reminded of an experience we’ve had with someone or something important in our past. They may be hard to recognize in ourselves because we believe our perceptions are accurate, but they’re easy to identify in others. For instance, when a returning war veteran is hypervigilant and draws his gun upon hearing the walls creak at night — appropriate in a war zone, but not when he’s safe at home.

Similarly, we might appropriately slow down if we see a police car to avoid a speeding ticket, but if our past experience with the police has endangered us or a loved to us, we might attempt to flee, drawing the police’s attention and leading to a serious conviction for reckless driving. An overreaction can bring about exactly what we’re attempting to avoid.

In some cases, overreactions are learned behavior that was modeled by a parent. Some people catastrophize everything, creating constant melodrama and mountains out of molehills. They may have grown up living in a perpetual state of crisis, and although they claim to hate it, they repeatedly recreate their stressful childhood environment.

More common examples of overreactions are: Marge worries that her husband is having an affair when he has to work late. This triggers for her, because her father worked long hours and cheated on her mother. When Marge asks her husband to help with the dishes, he becomes angry that she’s “telling him what to do.”  In fact, he’s reacting to his domineering mother from his youth, not his wife. Marge was intimidated by her mother’s anger, so when her husband is angry, she accepts his blame and apologizes, though she did nothing wrong. By doing so, she not only reinforces his erroneous projection, but she also is encouraging his abusive communication.

Healing Our Triggers

The first step in healing triggers is being able to identify them, as well as your internal beliefs. Remember that these are wounds, and approach them with compassion and tenderness. Depending upon what the trigger is, healing may involve the stages of grief and/or re-evaluating the context and validity of learned beliefs. There are exercises and a handy chart in Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You that are very helpful.

People have different styles of reacting. One person might withdraw, while another attacks. It’s important to identify your reactive behavior and learn to detach rather than react. Then, evaluate the function and effectiveness of your behavior, and experiment with more productive responses. (For suggestions and exercises, see Codependency for Dummies.) As noted above, both overreactions and dysfunctional reactive styles can contribute to the problem we want to avoid. For example, placating an abuser invites more abuse, while setting effective boundaries diminishes it over time. (See How to Speak Your Mind: Become Assertive and Set Limits and How to Be Assertive.)

With healthy self-esteem and intact boundaries, we’re able to see that another person’s actions and point-of-view are not a reflection on us, but express his or her unique perspective, experience, needs, and feelings. There’s no need to react, only to listen and respond. Once we’re more connected to our real self, we can tolerate differing opinions and even negative feelings about us. We can listen to our own feelings and think about the other person’s words and actions. We can decide whether we agree and whether we’re responsible to the other person. We alone determine what we want to do, if anything, and whether we owe an apology.  

When we’re reacting, sometimes anger covers up real hurt or vulnerability, blame may be hiding guilt, and self-blame may be displaced anger we have toward someone else. When we take time to connect to our true self, if we have feelings about what was said, we can respond authentically, which is different from an automatic knee-jerk reaction. We needn’t feel angry just because our partner is, nor guilty because he or she is hurt or upset with us, and we needn’t stop speaking to him or her when we’re being stone-walled. By not reacting, we can relate in a more authentic manner, which invites the same from other people and dramatically changes our interactions with them. See http://ift.tt/1ifDU4s for “14 Tips for Letting Go.”

©Darlene Lancer 2017

 

Article from: Relationships & Love – Psych Central, by Darlene Lancer, JD, MFT

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Best Husband Ever! 10 Gestures that Make a Man a Bragworthy Catch

We all want to live happily ever after, but no one gives us a rule book for how to do that. But here are some tips for how to be the best husband.

We didn’t think it would be this difficult, right? You know… marriage. The Disney movies and chick flicks make it seem so easy. Find someone who’s cute and you like to be around, date for a while, propose, and then ride off into the sunset. Easy as pie!

Well, maybe not.

Whether you are a newlywed or have been married for decades, you know that marriage can be challenging. But you know what? It doesn’t have to be.

You see, it’s not that marriage is complicated, it’s that people don’t know how to do it right. No one taught us how to have a good romantic relationship… for the rest of our lives. And unless your parents were the perfect model for marriage, then most of us just didn’t have anyone to teach us.

How to be the best husband – Little changes that lead to happiness

Don’t worry. You really can be the best husband to your wife. But you know what? There is one thing you definitely need to know right off the bat. You need to put some effort into it. Yes, you heard me. You can’t just sit back, be lazy, and expect her to be happy. You have to actually take actions in order to be the best husband. [Read: 12 subtle signs of a loveless unhappy marriage]

I know, I know. We all just want to magically have the perfect relationship while simultaneously being selfish. Yeah, umm, that can’t happen. But the effort required to be the best husband isn’t really that difficult, so let’s take a look at some things you should be doing.

#1 Talk to her. This should be obvious. But to some men, it’s not. Believe it or not, a lot of husbands think it’s a chore to talk to their wives. They think that women talk too much and give too many irrelevant details about their lives that they just don’t care about.

But listen to me… your wife wants you to care! And even if you don’t, you’re going to have to fake it. Talk to her. I mean really talk to her. Don’t just sit there like a blob and listen. Engage in conversation. She’ll love it. [Read: 10 little details that’ll make you a much better listener in your relationship]

#2 Share the chores. Sure, who wouldn’t love to have a maid to do all the household chores? I know I would! In fact, that’s one of my regular fantasies. But I digress. Here’s a newsflash – this is the 21^st century. Gone are the days when the wife was the one who did all the cooking, cleaning, other household chores.

These days, women work outside the home too! They are tired. They can’t do it all by themselves. So, you need to be her partner and do your half. Don’t wait for her to tell you to do it, otherwise she’ll think of you as another child. And no wife wants a man-child around.

#3 Share the kid responsibilities. I know you don’t like to change diapers. Who does? I know your wife doesn’t. I mean, it’ smelly and gross. But beyond the diapers, kids can be just downright exhausting. Sure, we love them. They’re our kids. But we need a break.

So, make sure that you are her partner in parenting. Feed them. Bathe them. Discipline them. Love them. Give your wife a break. Let her go take a bath or get a massage. [Read: How to be a better husband – 15 ways to a happy wife, happy life]

#4 Help her keep track of plans. According to research, the most stressful thing for a woman is to be the only one who keeps track of plans for the family. She knows that Johnny has soccer practice at 4:00 on Tuesday, and Suzie has an appointment at the dentist Friday after school.

She also knows that you are getting together with the Johnsons next Saturday, and that you have to participate in a 5K run in May. This is exhausting to be the only one who keeps track of everything. So, in order to be the best husband, you have to be her partner.

#5 Pay attention to her needs. The world doesn’t revolve around you. While you rationally know that, a lot of men don’t get it. They are kind of selfish. Don’t be selfish. A marriage is about two people trying to meet each other’s needs, not the wife trying to please her husband 100% of the time.

Ask her what she needs. Does she like back rubs? To be alone for an hour with a glass of wine and a good book? Does she need you to hold her hand and cuddle with her on the couch? Ask her. She’ll tell you. Then do what she wants and needs. [Read: Selfishness in relationships – 15 ways to do the right thing]

#6 Don’t forget to be affectionate.  I know that a lot of men aren’t highly affectionate outside the bedroom. But women are emotional creatures. We love touch. We love when you hold our hand or lay with us with your arms around us.

Yes, lots of men would rather just touch their wives in the bedroom. But here’s something you need to know. Touching your wife outside the bedroom gets them much more in the mood to be intimate with you inside of it. Touching is an extension of your love. [Read: 16 ways to show your appreciation for someone you love]

#7 Learn the Love Languages. This is huge. There is a famous book called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Basically, it says that we all give and receive love differently. They are: (1) touch, (2) giving of gifts, (3) spending time together, (4) words *saying I love you and other compliments*, and (5) acts of service *doing things to help them*.

So, if one of you expresses love by touch, and the other person wants to hear words, then this can be tricky. Each one of you doesn’t recognize that the other person is expressing love in different language. So, ask her how she wants to receive love, and then express your love that way. [Read: 16 non-sexual touches to feel connected and loved]

#8 Understand each other’s personality types. Another really helpful hint for being the best husband is to learn more about each other’s personality types. Go online and take a Myers-Briggs personality test. It will tell you everything you need to know about each other.

Once you understand the personality differences between the two of you, then you can be more tolerant and patient with one another. You’ll never be exactly alike *that would be boring*, but appreciating the differences will help you get along a lot better. [Read: 15 subtle things that change when you get married]

#9 Don’t get lazy or let yourself go. Some people think that once they’re married, they don’t have to put in any effort anymore because the “chase” is over. But that’s when the real work starts! The fun part was the pre-marriage phase.

Don’t get fat and unhealthy. Don’t lay around the house like a blob while she’s running around like a crazy person trying to hold the family and household together. Take care of yourself, take care of her, and take care of the family. [Read: 7 eye-opening tips for how to survive a sexless marriage]

#10 Don’t forget date nights. Just because you’re married, that doesn’t mean that the romance has to die. Sure, having kids is exhausting, but you can’t forget to be lovers just because of that. The two of you need to have time alone to keep the romance alive.

So, in order to be the best husband, you have to plan date nights. They don’t have to be expensive or elaborate, but you do have to have them. Trust me, you’ll thank me for this advice someday.

[Read: 25 must-follow relationship rules to follow for happy love]

Now that you have these tips for how to be the best husband to your wife, it’s time to get to work! With the divorce rate so high these days, you don’t want to become another statistic, do you? I didn’t think so.

The post Best Husband Ever! 10 Gestures that Make a Man a Bragworthy Catch is the original content of LovePanky – Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Article from: LovePanky – Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships, by Dr. Carol Morgan

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Is She Really A Lesbian?

What is sex? It is an instinct, an impulse, a drive, a raw, irrational energy that flows through all animals. It is the means by which different species survive. In human beings, it assumes rather complex forms. The highly developed and flexible nature of our minds gives us all bi-sexual tendencies when we are young. We are open, uncertain, and experimental while growing up. As we reach pre-pubescence, our instincts become more settled. Most men go with women; most women go with men; a great many individuals go with members of their own sex.

Our bisexual natures are never completely eliminated however. And it is important to keep this in mind when answering the question that constitutes the title of this article.

You may have met your latest crush when she was out with her girlfriend. She is beautiful, warm, and charming (your crush, that is)—the kind of girl you would like to be with. It may seem that the fact she is already with someone is the least of your problems. You may assume that because she is with another girl she will not be attracted to you. But this is just not how human sexuality works.

The longer I live the more I come to realize that sexuality simply cannot be fixed. If you and your crush are in college, you should be especially wary of giving up on your desires. Living near a university has given me some insight into the habits of twenty-somethings. One of my most significant discoveries is that people in that age group—women especially—experiment openly with sexuality.

For the life of me I cannot figure out what is driving so many young women into what can only be described as make-shift lesbianism. I suspect that many of these relationships begin as really good friendships. Away from home for the first time and looking for a bit of steadiness and security, many young women throw themselves wholeheartedly, at times obsessively, into new friendships. The passion and intensity with which this takes place drives the two women into greater intimacy than either expected, which results in the blurring of lines between non-sexual and sexual love.

In any case, you should not assume that the woman you like is not interested in men just because she happens to be with another girl. Writing her off would be doing yourself a tremendous disservice. The most obvious sign that she is not completely in the nappy dugout, that she is not as committed to playing for the other team as she seems, is if she flirts with you. This can occur explicitly—through the usual varieties of eye contact, touching, and hitting—or in ways that are more subtle.

It is sometimes hard to read the latter. The mean, man-hating lesbian is and has always been a rather nasty meme promoted by the ignorant and the bigoted. No such lesbians exist; and if they do they are in the minority (though I will say that I have been at lesbian parties in which a few of the women found my very presence an annoyance and almost refused to acknowledge my existence).

The point is that you should not confuse warmth, charm, and common civility with an attempt at flirtation. Although in some cases, that may be exactly what it is. If you are unsure, it is best to press ahead and ask your crush out for a coffee or a lunch. That will tell you for sure where she stands.

Article from: TSB Magazine | Dating and Lifestyle Advice for Men, by Christopher Reid

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Signs That Your Relationship is in Trouble

Most relationships start on a promising note but many among them hit a rough patch after a few months or a few years. Misunderstandings start creeping in and suddenly your relationship doesn’t seem perfect anymore.

If situation continues for a few months and is not addressed, it may go out of hand and you may be headed for a split.

You might be wondering if there are any warning signs that can prevent an imminent separation. Sure there are many warning signs that you need to address promptly to save your relationship.

The most common signs of a troubled relationship are:

1) Decrease In Passion

It is natural that passion will wary from time to time as it depends on many factors such as stress, fatigue, day to day pressures. However if you stop responding to your partner’s responses, it is a wake up call that needs some serious attention.

2) Arguments

A healthy relationship allows free exchange of ideas and feelings. However when you are unable to talk about your feelings and most of your conversation is happening through arguments, it can lead to disastrous results. An argument solves nothing but only increases the tension and hastens the separation.

3) Avoidance

A healthy relationship allows solving problems together by straight talk and sharing. Everyone faces a lot of problems on a daily basis and a healthy relationship gives the courage to face and solve them. This comes from the fact that your partner respects you and is willing to help you in your problems. But when you start avoiding your partner, remain silent to his / her problems, it can quickly deteriorate your relationship.

4) Jealousy

Jealousy is a dangerous emotion that can ruin relationships very quickly. When your relationship is in trouble, it leads to unwarranted jealousy that may not stem from infidelity. This type of jealousy is often a reflection of loss of self-esteem and a deep sense of insecurity.

5) Depression

When a relationship is in trouble, it quickly leads to depression. This depression is a reflection of a person’s innermost fears that leads them to believe that the trouble in relationship is their own fault, or there is nothing wrong with their relationship, or they might be left alone after the break up.

6) Lack Of Time

When your relationship is going great you can find the right balance between love, responsibility, and other demands even if you have less time. But when a relationship turns sour, you are often unwilling to share your time and love with your partner even when you have time.

7) Anxiety

An unresolved issue in your personal life can lead to increased anxiety. The most telling sign of anxiety is change in sleep patterns. It could be a pointer that your sub-conscious mind is grappling with some aspect of you relationship that needs an immediate overhaul.

8) Dependency

Too much dependency can also ruin a relationship. Due to increase in dependency, one person is likely to feel burdened, the other frightened by their needs. The one in power feels unappreciated and undervalued. The needy one frequently feels disappointment. This leads to resentment between both the partners.

9) Manipulation

You may sideline your partner by siding with your children, friends, colleagues or family members during conflicts. Your partner will feel manipulated and this can lead to bigger problems in future.

Is your relationship in trouble? Did you know that most relationships can be saved if you act early enough? Find out exactly what you can do to save your relationship by clicking on the link below: Saving Relationship

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Senior Dating Can Transform Your Life

At an older age, many people think that they should be lonely and that dating is something that they would not even think about. Fortunately, there is no need to be like this. With the changes in our lives today, and the coming of the Internet as an enormously popular and successful medium, senior dating has become more popular than ever. With the Internet and its abundance of resources, it is easier than ever before for older people, amongst others, to find a date.

In your later life you will probably have less commitments and be more laid back, with little or no pressure keeping you back. You probably aren’t interested in having children now and you will find it better to meet people because of your casual lifestyle.

Your judgement should be better at a later age and it is likely that you know exactly what you want and what you should be looking for. Older and wiser, you are far less likely to make those blunders that you might have made back when you were young.

Another beauty of senior dating is that you do not need to put so much time and concern into your physical appearance any longer. While looking healthy, clean and presentable is as important as always, you do not need to worry about looking trendy and much younger than you are any more.

While you probably have no interest in marrying, or remarrying, at such a late stage, more people are looking for companionship with a member of the opposite sex. This is entirely natural and normal and can bring a wonderful change to your lifestyle.

Senior dating is a highly pleasurable experience and definitely something that people should be considering in their later times.

Thomas Voullemier is an expert in online dating relationships. He dedicated many years of his life researching the senior dating field and publishing useful articles to successfully help thousands of senior people in the world find friendship and love through his safe and secure senior dating sites. Join now his senior dating service for free and find your senior soulmate immediately.

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The Best Dating Tips You Should Use

You want to find dating tips that truly work? Fret no more. There are plenty of those out there. But you need to look for the tips that suit your personality and you feel good about them. Once you have obtained these, you will be having great dates soon enough.

If family and friends have given you dating tips in the past, it may be the wrong motivation. Sometimes your parents give you advice because they are ready for grandchildren and wish you would just settle down with the first person you find and start pumping out children.

This doesn’t truly fit your reality, does it? Things don’t usually work out like that. You need, therefore, to regard the source of the advice you get, and see what’s behind it.

There are many sites on the internet that can assist you to find your one and only. You may want to seek some of the dating sites. These sites didn’t always have a good reputation.

This has changed in the last five years or so. These sites are a great way to meet people and even find the person that you want to date. You can even date several people until you find the “one”.

Some of these dating sites offer their own dating tips. And this can add to their value for you. It’s also likely to get insights from your fellow members, and see what has worked for them.

This is a sure way for you to get going and start having dates. You will also find this all fascinating as you begin to have lots of dates. Don’t forget that there is someone out there who has a lot in common with you.

Dating tips abound all over the place. Just go and find the right ones. Do listen to all advice seriously. Be open to attempt something new, and you’ll soon have dates.

There is an amazing Dating Method that will teach you the ways of Dating at Online Date Tips so that you can get that person you like. If you need to increase your chances then there is no faster way than this program. Read more about it at Dating Tips For Men.

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Join Together in Prayer

It’s the first Sunday of the month and time for a cyber prayer meeting!

Pause right now and ask God to move in all the marriages represented by this blog (add in the marriages of your family and friends as well).

Ask Him to help those couples troubled by porn, financial issues, or difficult in-laws. Ask Him to help couples find good marriage resources and any help they might need.

If you have any personal prayer requests, feel free to leave them as a comment to this post (please be discreet and kind, as this is a public forum).

Is prayer your steering wheel or your spare tire?  Corrie ten Boom

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♥ Prayer Prompt: Please spend a little time praying for the marriages of family, friends, and generous wives everywhere.

♥ This Month’s Marriage Challenge: Be present in conversation with your husband. Pay attention and listen well.

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How To Save Or Improve Any Relationship – No. 1 Tip

No. 1 Relationship Tip – Apply this and you will be amazed at how your relationship recovers or improves!

“Give whatever it is that you feel is missing in your relationship and you will immediately receive the same thing in return.”

How this works…

At first sight this seems a crazy thing to do, after all, if we do not have something, how can we give it to somebody else? We may even feel resentment towards the other person for having failed to give us what we desire – why should we give them anything?

Although this tip does initially seem counter-intuitive, it contains within it the single most powerful method for improving the quality of our relationships and indeed, finding more happiness in life. Let’s look at a typical relationship difficulty to see how it might work…

Let’s imagine I am in a romantic relationship and I have begun to have had serious doubts about it. Over recent months my partner and I have grown apart and find ourselves either arguing about things or just withdrawing into our own space. Those wonderful feelings of love that we started out with at the beginning of the relationship have faded and now I wonder if she is the right woman for me. I would stay with her if she gave me more love and attention.

This is a situation that millions of us find ourselves in and can easily lead to a broken relationship. The first thing to recognize is that when two people come together they both bring to the relationship their NEEDS – these will vary but all of them will include the need to be accepted, understood and loved. It is in trying to have our needs met that problems arise in a relationship because it can easily become a fight to make sure ours our met at the expense of our partner.

Typically, in any relationship there will be aspects that we feel our missing – our partner is not giving us something – they are not fulfilling one of our needs. In my example it might be that I feel my partner is withdrawing from me and feels distant. In this case she is not moving towards me with a sense of love and connection. I will tend to assume that this is something she is failing to do. The way through this is to realize that it always takes two people to withdraw. At some level I must also be withdrawing and she will be feeling exactly as I do about me and the relationship, even if she is unable or unwilling to express this due to a lack of awareness or a fear that to do so would jeopardize the relationship.

The solution is therefore to recognize that WHAT I WANT from the relationship (more closeness and love) is what I am CALLED TO GIVE. If I can let go of my need for her to make the first move and come to me and instead move towards her with love and compassion, then she will feel better about the relationship and move towards me with the same sentiments. This technique brings us back into partnership and allows for meaningful communication and increased connection – this is why it is a relationship saver!

This will always work and solve any relationship problem. The trick is to spot the needs that are not being met and then giving them unconditionally to our partner (or anybody else we are in relationship with – this works for all relationships). Whatever we feel is lacking in a relationship is exactly what the other person is feeling. By gaining the empathy for their feelings and having the courage and determination to give what we feel we are lacking, transforms the relationship. This in itself is beneficial but this giving through our own needs is also the key to a happy life.

You may be doubting that this can work… so don’t take my word for it… experiment with it in your own relationship, and if you can give unconditionally, you will be very pleasantly surprised!

Peter Granger is an acclaimed relationship counselor and life coach. He runs relationship and self-development workshops in the UK. For more free relationship advice and information about relationships go to http://ift.tt/2nyNmc3

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How To Be A Tough-Minded Idealist

The idealist is mocked and scorned, ignored and dismissed, called a dreamer, a silly-heart, an unrealistic, self-righteous ignoramus. He is, in short, not well-liked and not at all trusted.

Ours is a cynical age. We live in a time of both economic and intellectual austerity. The public will give no hearing to high-minded speculation. Progressive idealists are especially out of favor. They are seen by many as dangerous to a social and economic order that is thought to be, whatever its imperfections, the best way of delivering wealth, prosperity, and material security to the most people.

As a man of the left, I sympathize with many of the objections and criticisms leveled against progressivism. Although I hold that our enemies on the right with their outrageous bigotries and crazy religious superstitions pose an even greater threat to secular democracy, I cannot overlook the all too frequent fantastical thinking on the left.

Those who believe that radical Islam can be defeated without violent confrontation, who think prejudice can be eliminated by curbing free speech, who come up with plans and policy grounded in nothing more than the fashionable fancies of the moment do more harm than good to the progressive cause. I always tell people that I am a liberal, but not a bleeding heart. And if I am an idealist at all, I am a tough-minded idealist.

The man who best exemplifies this kind of attitude toward politics—and one of my personal heroes—is George Orwell.

George Orwell (born Eric Arthur Blair) was a self-made man in the deepest sense of the phrase. He never made much money. In fact, it could be said that he died of poverty, not merely in it. Orwell made his name and reputation by turning against the norms and conventions of his class. He was born in India, the son of a minor British colonial official. He went to Eton on a scholarship and after graduating served as a colonial police officer in Burma. As a member of the lower middle class of that time, he should have supported imperialism abroad and the class order at home. His experience in Burma, impressions of which are set down in his first novel Burmese Days, caused him to turn violently against both.

After five years in the service, Orwell resigned. He returned home, and then set off to Paris and London to work and live among the working poor in these cities. Down and Out in Paris and London is a record of the years he spent among the underpaid and exploited in Europe’s two great capitals.

At this point, many of his leftist contemporaries would have had enough of slumming it; they would have gone in for some cushy and comfortable job. An Eton man like Orwell could have secured a clerkship or some other well-paying job with a future. For a while he did teach privately and in a boy’s school while reviewing books for a rather obscure literary magazine. But not for long. He was determined to observe first-hand the conditions of the oppressed people whose liberation became his life cause.

He spent time in low paid seasonal agricultural work. He was also commissioned by his publisher to journey through the coal-mining regions of northern England and write about what he saw. The time he spent in Yorkshire and Lancashire in the mid-30s provided the basis for his famous book The Road To Wigan Pier.

Orwell would go on to fight in the Spanish Civil War and to work as a BBC broadcaster in the Second World War. He was a committed socialist. But this is not the most distinguished thing about him. His significance lies in his unswerving ability to tell the truth—to be starkly, directly, and brutally honest about the factual relations of the world.

This goes well beyond the “tell like it is” refrain so often chanted by the stupid and the bigoted. What Orwell displayed was a willingness to tell the truth about things even when they made his own side look bad. His scathing indictment of leftist hypocrisy, ignorance, and cowardice is one of the reasons he was so hated by the left-wing radicals of his time and continues to be criticized in certain progressive circles today.

He derided the left’s slavish devotion to the Soviet Union, its refusal to understand the actual thought and feeling of the British working class, and, most surprising for a white man of his time, its refusal to recognize racism as a problem quite distinct from exploitative capitalism—a problem that could only be dealt with by freeing immediately the subject peoples of the British empire.

George Orwell’s life and work is a model for how to live as a tough-minded idealist. He was a man of principle, but he was unwilling to lie, spin, mischaracterize, and falsify in order to mask the possible consequences of his beliefs. He had the power of facing facts and was willing to follow logic no matter where it led.

Orwell teaches us how to be idealists who hold intellectual honesty and personal integrity on the same moral plane as political belief and ideological conviction.

Article from: TSB Magazine | Dating and Lifestyle Advice for Men, by Christopher Reid

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The Art of Contentment

A majority of struggle in married life is in our head.

We wonder why we can’t find time to connect with loved ones because we’re caught up in our to do lists, or struggling with an inadequacy, or striving to create a life like we see other’s living in their Facebook feed.

This struggle is normal … as it is part of the process of becoming. It’s the path to creating a more solid, flexible self. Someone who knows who they are and is comfortable in their own skin.

A great step forward in this process is to learn the art of contentment.

Contentment is not easy – it’s something that must be developed and learned over time. It’s actually more like a lifelong process of developing.

The best formula for creating contentment –

• Don’t compete
• Don’t complain
• Don’t compare

Let’s break this down even further.

Compete. What does competing do to a woman and how she views herself (and how her husband views her)? There are many things competing for your attention each day. For your time. For your energy.

But what (and who) do you compete against? Do you find yourself competing for affection from your husband? Or competing for acceptance from those around you?

By becoming aware of the areas you compete you’ll better see your areas for growth because you often compete out of some feeling of inadequacy or shortcoming. While there may be some truth to the feeling (you may in fact be a little overweight or growing older), it’s blown way out of proportion when you compete against something/somone else.

Address the things you control. Let go of everything else.

You can’t change the fact that years, and children, take a toll on your physical body. But you’re also a more mature, full grown woman when you’re in your 40s and beyond than you were in your 20s. You have much more to offer and give due to your growth and experience. And I’m going to make a bet that your husband doesn’t want a pseudo or fake version of you – he wants you.

After all, he’s likely been with you through life’s experiences thus far, keep enjoying the journey together.

Complain. Nagging, bugging, complaining, are all a downward spiral. Once it begins, it snowballs. To change this, what’s your perspective on things – are you a half full or half empty type of man?

Work to become a half-full type of man.

Several years ago a research project was done by a university. The purpose of the study was to develop operational definitions for pessimists and optimists for use in textbooks, academic papers, and classroom learning.

The researchers scoured the globe searching for the most pessimistic and optimistic people they could find. Their objective was to bring test subjects back to the lab for further study. After a year of looking the team finally narrowed their search down to two 8 year-old boys.

Back at the lab two observation rooms were put together. The first room was filled with every kind of toy imaginable. The second room was filled wall to wall with horse manure. The boys were each placed in a room and their behaviors would be observed from behind one way mirrors.

The first little boy stood skeptically in the doorway of the room full of toys not sure if he should enter. But with a little prodding from one of the researchers who said, “Go on in, they are all yours,” he finally walked over to the first toy. What happened next shocked and stunned the researchers. Instead of playing gleefully the little boy systematically opened every single package in the room and rejected each of the toys in turn. The researchers heard him whining: “These aren’t like my toys at home.” “These toys will never work.” “Where are the video games?” “It’s hot in here.” “I don’t have any friends to play with.” The complaining went on and on until soon, exhausted from his own negativity, he sat down in the middle of the room and angrily shouted, “I’m bored and I want to go home!”

The researchers had been so mesmerized by this display of pessimism and negativity that they had almost forgotten about the second little boy who had been placed in the room full of manure. They quickly shifted their attention to the second room and peering through the observation window, were stopped in their tracks. They had expected to see the little boy sitting on the pile sad and crying. But instead, he was standing on top of the pile, wildly shoveling horse manure. To the amazement of the entire research team, he was animated, excited, alive, and happy. He kept digging and digging and shouting with glee. He was covered with manure from head to toe and he was ecstatic.

Cautiously, one of the scientists opened the door to the room and tried to get the boy’s attention. Finally, the boy stopped what he was doing, turned around, and faced the scientist. Looking with amazement at the manure covered child, the researcher asked, “Son, what in the world are you doing?” With that question, a huge grin crossed the boy’s face and with the same enthusiasm he had given to digging, he replied, “Sir, with all this manure, I just know there’s a pony in here somewhere and I’m going to find him!”

With that he turned around and continued digging.

This is an extreme example but it points out our tendencies at times.

How do you view the things currently in your life? At work? What about in your marriage? Sex life?

When there’s something you don’t like happening I’m not saying you don’t address the things that need addressing, just don’t complain about it.

Think of complaining as a rocking chair. It feels good and it may even feel like you’re doing something, but in the end you wind up no where.

A change in your perspective and attitude will help you feel more attractive – and, when this happens, you become more attractive.

Compare. In our society people (particularly women) are often objectified. Meaning there’s a certain look or feel that we should aspire towards. This is completely based on comparisons. And comparisons give way to competing against others and their perceptions.

Truth is, there is only one you!

So be you in everything you do.

Creating a life of contentment, gratification and confidence is the best way possible to discover your passion and share it with the world.

It’s the best way possible to create a great marriage, and even a great sex life.

The post The Art of Contentment appeared first on Simple Marriage.

Article from: Simple Marriage, by Corey

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The Attractor Factor: Why We Flirt and What It Means

Imagine this scene: two people walk into a room and immediately notice each other (cue the romantic music). They hesitantly take a few steps forward, smiling shyly. One runs fingers through tousled hair, while the other straightens a piece of clothing. One laughs nervously while the other coughs. Once they are within speaking distance, a conversation begins. The words, “Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?” issues forth from one, which causes eye rolls from the other and a screeching needle on record sound.

Is this the beginning of a beautiful friendship or a potential disaster? Will they laugh about this when they tell the story of their initial encounter at their wedding or will they be grateful that it didn’t progress beyond that first awkward interaction?

Flirting is something people learn in childhood as a means of charming others or getting something they want without asking directly. It offers the opportunity to test the waters without diving in head first. How easy is it to say no the innocent look of a toddler who wants ice cream before dinner, especially if they say “Please.” in a tiny voice?  There are some who adamantly insist that young children aren’t engaging in flirtatious behavior since they contend that it sexualizes the child or the act of simply being friendly. Flirting may indeed be just that, a way of reaching out to get to know another.

As we mature, flirting carries with it a more intimate vibe. Body language takes the place of or is an embellishment for verbal communication. The ways we sit, stand, carry ourselves, the proximity and angle with which we approach another we find attractive either physically or emotionally, speaks volumes about our feelings.

There are numerous reasons why people flirt. According to Northern Illinois University professor David Dryden Henningsen, there are six different motivations for flirting and he characterized them in this way: 

• Sex: trying to get into bed  
  • Fun: treating it like a sport 
  • Exploring:  trying to see what it would be like to be in a relationship
  • Relational: trying to increase the intimacy of a relationship
  • Esteem: increasing one’s own self esteem
  • Instrumental: trying to get something from the other person

The last one reveals a darker and more manipulative aspect of playful behavior as is indicated in  a 2007 survey of 500 professional women, in which 86% said they “would happily flirt with a male colleague if it meant they got their own way.

Innocent flirting took place at the end of the life of a happily married, 84 year old man. He was placed on hospice for end stage Parkinsons’ Disease that took its toll on this formerly robust athlete. Whenever he would meet a new female nurse, he would tell them how beautiful they were and asked them to kiss him on the cheek when they tucked him in for the night. Both he and his wife of nearly 52 years knew it was a harmless request and it put a smile on the face of the caregivers.

Jeffrey A. Hall, Ph.D has studied the art of flirting and it culminated in a book entitled The Five Styles of Flirting: Use the Science of Flirting to Attract the Love You Really Want. He identifies them as

• Physical-Body language is a core aspect and those who score high in this realm connect quickly and have commensurate sexual chemistry.
• Polite-Being mannerly and with an eye for ‘appropriate’ behaviors, these people tend to be more romantic with sustained partnerships.
• Playful- There is little interest in romance or long term connection. People who score high are in it for fun and to enhance self esteem.
• Sincere- Those who exhibit this style of flirting are interesting in developing deep bonds and emotional connection.
• Traditional- This category is populated by those who view men as the persuers and women as the subject of their interest.

Hall’s original study, entitled Individual Differences in the Communication of Romantic Interest: Development of the Flirting Styles Inventory opened the door to deeper understanding of the various communication styles people posses.

Article from: Relationships & Love – Psych Central, by Edie Weinstein, MSW, LSW

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Love Factually named top-10 book

Love Factually named as top 10 book for winter reading issue, Black Sun Books!

Article from: Love Science-relationship advice, by

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He Cheated on You? How to Get Over a Guy Without Seeking Revenge

You found out that he cheated on you. The first thing you want to do is get back at him, but the best things to do may not be what you think.

Let me just put it out there. Being cheated on is one of the most painful experiences that anyone can go through. When someone hits or batters you, those wounds heal. But when someone cheats on you, that leaves battle scars the size of craters. Being cheated on is like someone telling you that you aren’t even good enough to be faithful to.

All too often when someone cheats on us, we do the wrong thing. Either we go after the girl he cheated with and try to make her miserable, or we internalize the cheating like it was something lacking in us.

The truth is that no matter how much of a bitch you can be, how much weight you may have gained, how much you had to work, or how old and tired things got in the bedroom, as a human being, he had the responsibility to end one relationship before starting another. [Read: Why do men cheat? The 3 big reasons and 27 convincing excuses they use]

9 things to do after he cheated on you

Being cheated on can only be met with one resolution… dump him! The reality is that the phrase, “once a cheater always a cheater,” is true. If a person cheated on you once in a relationship, there was something wrong – and it wasn’t you. It was him, and it is time to kick him to the curb.

#1 Walk away with grace. I know it feels ooooh-so-good to get revenge. Revenge can come in many forms. You can tear his apartment up, rip apart his things, or sleep with his best friend. Geez, as women we can come up with a thousand various ways of punishing a guy.

The problem is that revenge is always sweeter when you are plotting and planning than when you are actually carrying it through. All you will do is give him ammunition to justify something that is unjustifiable. When you find out that he has cheated, you need nothing else but to walk away with grace and class. [Read: 12 devious ways to be the crazy ex and get your revenge]

#2 Don’t get specifics. Often we punish ourselves by sticking around to find out how far-reaching and how many times we were hurt without even knowing. Knowing the logistics of when it started, when they were first together, where they were together, and how long it has been going on, isn’t going to make you feel any better

Like fingers on a chalkboard, finding out all the things that you don’t need to know, is just TMI. Don’t ask and don’t let him tell. Just assume that he cheated once in the heat of the moment and move on without knowing any differently. [Read: Should you ever forgive a cheating partner?]

#3 Mum’s the word. When you start telling the intimate details of your relationship to others, the only thing you are doing is continually reliving the story and stinging it further into your soul. No one needs to know the lurid details any more than you do.

A simple “it didn’t work out” will suffice. Some people live off the misery of others and enjoy nothing more than hearing all the ugliness of a relationship. Conduct yourself by not letting anyone latch on to your pain. Keep it to yourself, or talk it over with a close friend. Announcing it all over town isn’t going to make you feel better… it will just make everyone pity you.

#4 Know it is on him. After time, many people will begin to overanalyze the situation to find out what went wrong. Don’t think about the reasons why he cheated on you, or what you did in the relationship that may have enabled or led to his indiscretions.

There is no excuse for a guy or girl to cheat on their significant other. If you are done with a relationship, you have an obligation to say so before moving on to the next victim. Don’t second-guess whether it was your fault, or what you did to cause it. No one, and I mean no one, deserves to be cheated on. [Read: 18 ingenious ways to catch a cheating partner in the act]

#5 Don’t allow it to change you. Sometimes when someone cheats on us, we carry the baggage felt into our next relationships. Don’t make a blanket assumption that men cheat and that is just the way that it is.

When you end a relationship, you have to understand that all of them are different. Just because you were cheated on in the past does not mean that the next guy that comes along will do the same. It is natural to carry on fear into the next person you want to form a bond with. If you hold onto the past, it will only cloud your future. [Read: How to learn to love again after you’ve been hurt]

#6 Learn from your mistakes. Although there was NO good reason that he cheated on you, there are signs that you may have seen along the way. Or, perhaps a nagging voice that was whispering in your ear that something wasn’t right.

Learning from your past may help you to avoid problems for your future. If he was a bad boy, and that attracted you to him, then think twice about your attractions.

If he cheated on other girls in the past, and you thought that you were different, then think about that and investigate another boy’s past before taking a blind leap of faith into building a relationship. [Read: Is he cheating? 21 unintentional behaviors he just can’t hide]

#7 Date again. Being cheated on is one of the most painful experiences you can go through. The best thing you can do is to get right back up on that emotional horse.

There is certainly a period of mourning that everyone has to go through, but refusing to move on or leaving your heart open to finding love again, is only going to prolong the agony. When your previous boyfriend hands you lemons, find another guy to sweeten the lemonade.

#8 Build your self-esteem. When he cheated on you, it can be a huge hit to the ego. Whether the other girl was beautiful or a 2, if your boyfriend went outside of your relationship, that is a hard pill to swallow – and may leave you examining how you feel about yourself.

Take the time after a breakup to build up your self-esteem. Make yourself better by going to the salon, hitting the gym, or change your hairstyle to give yourself a fresh new and confident attitude. [Read: How to get your self-esteem back after a breakup]

#9 Don’t duck out of life. Seeing your ex can be painful, but if you had a life together, you can’t just avoid the life you had. Each time you have to see him, it will be less and less hurtful, and soon you will find yourself letting the anger go. Just because he cheated on you doesn’t mean life is over.

Also, don’t let him get the best of you by making you be the one who has to start over. If you have joint friends, don’t stop contacting them or make assumptions about who they want to continue being friends with… especially if they were joint gains in the relationship.

If you have a favorite spot, keep it. If he shows up, show him who is the boss and that he may have cheated on you, but you won by staying strong. [Read: How your self esteem affects you and the relationships you have]

Having someone cheat on you is one of the most crushing hardships you can go through. Ultimately, you have two options. You can choose to move forward with grace, stay strong, and not let his crappy behavior do any more damage to you. Or, you can go the route of revenge and spite, which will likely only keep you stuck and unhappy.

[Read: Revenge sex – My own experience and everything I learned from it]

Revenge is sweet when he cheated on you, but taking the higher road, choosing to forgive and moving on to find the right person, will feel much better than trying to make your ex suffer.

The post He Cheated on You? How to Get Over a Guy Without Seeking Revenge is the original content of LovePanky – Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Article from: LovePanky – Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships, by Julie Keating

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Senior Dating Tips For You

Many senior citizens feel that they are restricted when it comes to dating. However, the need for companionship is entirely natural at any age of adulthood. Nowadays we have the Internet, which offers us a new medium which makes it easy than ever for us to get in touch with the people we are best suited to. Our culture has also transformed to make this possible and now it is not a difficult task to find a date. Senior dating is easier than ever before.

The beauty of being at your later half of life is that you typically have less commitments and less pressure to hold you back. The idea of having children is something of the past and thus it is easier to meet people since you will both usually have fewer demands.

Older people generally have a better sense of judgement than others too. This can help form a more accurate opinion about someone and senior citizens are thus less prone to making the mistakes of getting together with the wrong person as younger and / or less experienced persons may be.

You do not even need to worry a great deal about the way you look, which helps to boost confidence greatly and you have less to worry about. Your appearance is normal for your age and people accept this. You do not need to worry about looking young and trendy at this stage of your life.

While most senior citizens have no interest in remarrying, a lot of people would like to experience some kind of companionship with someone from the opposite gender.

Dating as senior citizens can be a very refreshing and pleasant experience and undoubtedly something that you should consider giving a try.

Thomas Voullemier is an expert in online dating encounters. He dedicated many years of his life researching the senior dating field and publishing helpful articles to successfully help thousands of senior people in the world find friendship and love through his safe and secure senior dating sites. Join now his senior dating service for free and find your senior soulmate in no time.

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3 Keys to Rebuilding Trust in Your Marriage

It doesn’t matter if it’s your spouse, your kid, your co-worker or God – TRUST is just so important to any quality relationship.

Trust is a funny thing. We tend to assume the best for ourselves since we know our intent and the worst in others because we judge based only on the outcomes of their actions.

We can be especially distrusting if we’ve been hurt in the past…and we’ve all been hurt!

Trust Is Dynamic

If I asked you whether you trust your spouse, you could answer as “yes” or “no” (hopefully it’s yes).

But if I asked whether you trust him or her MORE or LESS than you did yesterday…or last year…or on your wedding day…the answer gets a lot more interesting.

That’s because the level of trust in our marriage is always changing.

You are either building up trust and intimacy or you’re letting it erode by your actions (or inaction).

On a day-to-day basis, you can strengthen the trust between you by spending quality time together, talking, having sex, making decisions together and doing all those little things we do together as a couple.

And of course you can slowly lose that trust when you act selfishly, don’t follow through on your promises, withhold sex or miss a date night.

Trust is a fickle beast, but it’s SO important to continue building up.

But It Can Be Broken VERY Quickly

We spend most of our married time making those gradual changes and enriching our trust over time.

But as we know all too well, there are those Trust Bombs that can destroy trust in an instant:

• Having an affair
• Lying about money
• Keeping secrets and getting exposed
• Talking about your spouse behind their back

In the blink of an eye, years of built-up trust can be destroyed. And it’s difficult to learn to forgive and start back down the road of building up trust and intimacy.

Take Action to Build Up the Trust

Whether you’re simply looking to grow in intimacy and learn how to deepen the trust in your marriage on a day-to-day basis or you’ve been scarred by a major breach of trust, the key is to take action.

Here are three strategies you can use to build or rebuild the trust in your relationship:

1. Bring in Back-Up Help

It’s easy to lose perspective on your own situation when you’re living in it.

Reach out and seek guidance and support from a coach, support group, counselor or trusted friend.  Be sure that any resource you seek out is Pro-Marriage and will work in the best interest of your marriage.

Caution: Do NOT seek out help from those that may make the situation worse.  This would include recently divorced friends, never-married friends or co-workers…

2. Commit to Finding the Good

When you’re feeling pain, it’s difficult to see the good in those that we love – but it’s essential to the reconciliation process.

Commit to giving your spouse at least one encouragement/compliment every day for the next week.  This will help turn the energy in your relationship from negative to positive, plus you’ll be reminded of the positive characteristics of your spouse.

You’ll find it super helpful to keep a journal during this time and track how your actions change the way you see, respect and start to rebuild trust in your husband or wife.

3. Declare that YOU Are Taking Action

In every relationship, there must be a leader when change is required.  Whether your trust was broken or you broke the trust of your spouse in some way, you have the opportunity to repair/forgive the broken trust and move forward.

But it requires commitment and real action.  In time, your spouse will come around but getting started on this path requires you to step up and be a leader in your marriage.

Trust is an essential and sometimes elusive element in every relationship.  

Put these strategies in place to deepen the trust in your marriage and reap the rewards of the contentment and happiness that lie on the other side of the rebuilding process.

Article from: Engaged Marriage, by Dustin

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Leadership Lessons From President Tom Kirkman

Designated Survivor is one of the newest political dramas on Netflix. The show is a big hit, having sustained a five-star rating since its September 2016 premiere.

At the center of the story is President Tom Kirkman (played by Kiefer Sutherland). He appears in the first episode as the Secretary of Housing and Urban Development, the most obscure and insignificant of cabinet posts. That first scene opens with him sitting in a rather dull and non-descript room with his wife (played by the ever so hot Natascha McElhone). We soon learn that he has been appointed designated survivor—the one person in the presidential line of succession who is kept in a safe place while the president, vice-president, and both houses of Congress assemble in the capitol building for the State of the Union Address.

The capitol blows up, and Tom Kirkman finds himself suddenly thrust from lowly cabinet official to the chief executive of the American government and the commander-in-chief of its armed forces.

Kirkman has never run for office. Before his appointment to the cabinet he had never been in any position of authority or government. He is immediately forced to make decisions of extreme consequence, decisions upon which rest the fate of the republic.

The drama presents many excellent lessons in executive action and leadership. Here are a few worth considering.

1. Know thyself and act accordingly

Kirkman is confused and overwhelmed when he first takes office. He is pushed and pulled in different directions. He is unsure of what he is doing, and those around him can sense it. At some point he brings his core principles and convictions to the fore; he leans on the kind of man he had always been before he became president. That is when things start turning around. He regains his confidence and begins to project it, which invigorates his staff and serves as both warning and guidance to people around the world.

2. Hire the people you need, not the people you want

One of the best leadership lessons of the entire show is played out in the first few episodes. There is a contest to be his chief of staff. His long-time COS from when he was HUD secretary and the deputy COS of the murdered president vie for the job. The latter wins after defying the new president by pulling an underhanded political trick—a trick as it turns out actually helps President Kirkman. The lesson here is that you should not promote the people you like and know; you should promote the people you need, some of whom you may not be on familiar and friendly terms with.

3. Remember that some sacrifice is necessary

Leadership comes at a price. To be the boss you must be willing to work longer hours, to spend less time with the people you love and care for, and to occasionally work against the personal interests of long-time friends and associates. This comes with the job. You of all people must put the interests of the organization before everything else.

4. You don’t make friends as a leader

A natural consequence of the above lesson is that as a leader you will not make new friends. You must, if you can, hold on to the ones you have. But always remember it is your job to decide what is best for the organization as a whole. Making tough calls will inevitably lead to disappointment among your colleagues.

Article from: TSB Magazine | Dating and Lifestyle Advice for Men, by Christopher Reid

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