Relationship Coach Advises How You Can Tell Your Spouse that You Are Not Satisfied

You love your spouse, but your relationship is not the way you want it to be. How can you tell your spouse without making things worse? Some people are so afraid of upsetting their spouse that they suffer for years in silence. Ironically, sometimes both partners suffer in silence over the same problem, only to find out years later when the silence is finally broken. The time of longsuffering relationships is over and couples are realizing that without open discussion, their relationship will be dead in the water. All the same, communication is both a skill and an art.–one that many couples don’t have in proportion to their need.

“A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down,” is a line from the movie Mary Poppins that holds good relationship advice for telling people what they may not want to hear. In the case of telling your husband or wife that you are unhappy with the relationship, you will need to be quick to add that you want the relationship to become better for the both of you. Something like this, “John/Jill, I’m not satisfied with our relationship, but I want to work on it and make it better.” Saying both of these things together helps to soften the blow, not scare our partner out of their wits, or create a defensive backlash.

What you must remember when you say this is that you prepared yourself before you said it. Your partner, on the other hand, is hearing this unprepared. His or her reaction is not going to be well thought out. Whatever your spouse says at this point, stay calm and don’t argue. Here are three common responses spouses have and how you can handle them.

1. If your spouse agrees with you that there are problems and that he or she has also been thinking about how to make the relationship better, then great! You have a relationship that is in the minority, but well on the way to becoming a great relationship. Together, you can explore the way you would like the relationship to be (rather than how the problems started) and make plans for getting the relationship in Olympic shape. You can hire a relationship coach to help one or both of you if you get stuck.

2. If your spouse says there are problems, but they are all because of you, then you are in the majority. This is still a good position, though, because your spouse is recognizing that there are problems. Recognition of problems is the first step to making things better. It is also the basis for starting a dialogue. Continuing the dialogue will depend on your listening rather than trying to get your points across. Your spouse will not be listening to your points anyhow. They will only be forming their counterarguments while you talk. You can be the mature one and listen carefully, agreeing with your spouse wherever possible and not arguing about even one thing.

3. If your spouse denies that there are any problems, then your job will be to raise awareness. People in denial need help becoming aware of a problem before they will even consider doing something about it. Usually, a problem focused approach will just cause more denial. Instead, suggest some of the ways that your relationship might become better–feeling closer, having more fun, more romance, a budget for each of you to be able to enjoy activities you like, etc. Do not try to push your spouse into action. Action alone will not create change. Pushing your spouse into action is like going on a quickie diet. You will end up with more of what you don’t want in the end.

If your spouse is not ready to work with you now (reactions 2 and 3 above), there are still plenty of things that you can do to work on making your relationship better. Don’t be trapped by the myth that it takes two to improve a relationship. Very often, it is most helpful for the most emotionally healthy person to begin working first. As improvements are made, your partner and other family members will have to readjust to your changes. In this way, the healthy person in the family has the most power to help their family to change. Marriage and family counselors have capitalized on this fact for years.

People who are dissatisfied with their relationships are often willing to make changes, but don’t know how. Change is a difficult, but satisfying process that results in a life that we enjoy living and a relationship that we enjoy having. You may wish to hire a relationship coach to help you to have a positive, goal-focused approach, to create the love and life that you want.

Jack Ito PhD is a licensed psychologist and relationship coach.

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Senior Dating For Those With Baggage

If I hear the phrase ‘too much baggage’ one more time, I’ll scream!

The only people that use the ‘baggage’ excuse when it comes to relationships are those who are young and/or too immature to realise that this so-called baggage is actually ‘life’ and if you didn’t get involved with someone and accept their baggage you could well have a very lonely life!

There are certain stages that people go through in life’s relationships. There are those we have when we are young, probably up to our mid-twenties. These are very heavy and full of feeling to a dis-proportionate degree and mainly governed by our hormones. It feels like the real thing and other types of daily functioning are a struggle – particularly in the early days.

Once out of this phase, if not already settled or if we are one of those unlucky ones that find ourselves divorced further down the line, we realise that actually yes, people do come with baggage. We have plenty of our own in the form of ex’s and children and mortgages etc and we appreciate that we wouldn’t want to be overlooked in the romance department because of these things. This makes us more tolerable to other peoples ‘life’ that they carry with them and is a good thing.

Some people believe that the over fifties should not be considering dating or relationships as they have no need for pro-creating. This is rubbish and a very outdated idea. Statistics show that forty nine per cent of people of the age of fifty are now single. Why would they want to spend the next possible forty years or so alone? Why should they? There is obviously a whole section of society that need company and they are actively changing that with senior dating.

The internet has been a godsend for the older generation who are looking for new relationships. Mainly because it is so difficult to know where to start. Firstly, nobody wants to go out on their own looking for a mate and not that many people have single friends that they can go with. The choices of where to go are also pretty limited. You don’t see 55 year olds in pubs and clubs chatting up the blue rinses!

Internet dating sites for those who want to join the senior dating scene are ideal. Logging in and being able to read the profiles of other people will tell you all about their ‘baggage’ before you have to commit to a date or even a conversation. You can check out their photos to see if there is a physical attraction. While this is not the be all and end all, it can certainly be important to many people. Yes, even at this age!

One couple recently signed up, independently, to an internet senior dating site that could potentially pair them up with partners anywhere in the world. Yet, it paired them up with each other and after talking for a while they discovered that they actually live in the same street. This just goes to show how difficult it is to meet people. This couple had lived in the same street for some time without the knowledge that they had so much in common, that they could possibly be attracted to each other. Yet, thanks to internet senior dating the couple are now planning their wedding and looking forward to spending the rest of their lives together – baggage and all!

Shaun Parker is a leading relationship expert with many years of experience in the dating industry. Find out more about senior dating at http://ift.tt/2ukNwaY

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6 Steps to Being Authentic

Authenticity is the opposite of shame. It reveals our humanity and allows us to connect with others. Shame creates most all codependency symptoms — including hiding who we are, sacrificing our needs, and saying yes when we rather not — all to be accepted by someone else. It warps our communication and damages our relationships so that we control, patronize, criticize, blame, deny, withdraw, attack, and make empty promises to keep a relationship and reassure ourselves we’re okay even when we don’t believe it.

Hiding Who You Are

For most of us, our self-doubt and hiding has been going on so long that by adulthood, we’ve lost touch with who we truly are. We’ve grown accustomed to behaving in certain predictable roles that worked in our more or less troubled families, in school, and in our work. In the process, we sacrifice a degree of freedom, spontaneity, vulnerability, and parts of ourselves. When we marry, for most of us, our personality contracts further into the role of husband or wife, father or mother, and what is acceptable to maintain the marriage.

Even if things look okay on the outside, if we’re fortunate enough not to be in an abusive relationship or one burdened by addiction or dishonesty, we may feel a malaise, an uneasy dissatisfaction and not know why. If we once shared vibrant love with our spouse or used to have a joie de vivre and hope for the future, we might feel trapped and wonder where our passion and enthusiasm for life went. What happened was, we started shrinking and stopped risking being ourselves.

Falling in Love

Sometimes, when people fall in love, they open up. Loving and feeling accepted in the eyes of our beloved catapults us out of our ordinary personality. We feel expansive and come alive. We rediscover our true self through the process of being vulnerable and revealing parts of ourselves that we don’t usually experience. Doing so is why romance makes us feel so alive.

Before too long, we discover things we dislike in our partner. Our feelings get deeply hurt, our needs conflict, we disagree and disapprove. In an attempt to make love last, we start keeping things to ourselves, withdraw, manipulate with words and deeds, or even try to change our partner into the person we imagined he or she was. As things pile up, the risk of being vulnerable and honest with each other looms larger. Even if words of love are spoken, passion and intimacy have vanished. Couples yearn for connection, but feel empty and lonely without intimacy, due to their fear of rejection and loss. We endure, or if the relationship ends, we hurt. Breakups can activate shame, chip away our self-esteem, and raise our defenses, making being so vulnerable again all the more risky. What a conundrum!

Authenticity Requires Courage

Authenticity and intimacy require courage. Each move we make toward authenticity risks exposure, criticism, and rejection, but facing those risks also affirms our real self. There’s no question that rejection and loss hurt, but paradoxically, risking vulnerability makes us safer, and our defenses weakens us. Healing our shame, building self esteem, autonomy, and our ability to be assertive and set boundaries can make us feel more secure. When we’re authentic, it invites our partner to do the same. It keeps love alive, and we’re more likely to get our emotional needs met. We not only feel stronger when we’re honest, it begins to heal our shame. It also avoids the myriad of defenses and the misunderstandings and conflicts that they create. (See Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You.)

How to Be Authentic

Sharing our vulnerability with others requires courage twice. First we must be honest with ourselves and be able to feel our emotions and identify our needs. Some of us have become numb to our feelings and are clueless about our needs if they were shamed childhood. When one feeling is unacceptable, they all more or less shrivel. As a consequence, we start to shut down our aliveness. When we don’t acknowledge our needs, they won’t get met.

Identify Your Feelings and Needs.

The first step is being able to name what we feel and need in order to communicate effectively. People often say that something made them “upset.” I have no idea whether they were angry, worried, or hurt. Emotions can be confusing. For example, often hurt masquerades as anger, resentment camouflages guilt, rage conceals shame, and sadness covers anger. A key symptom of codependency is denial, including denial of feelings and needs (especially emotional needs). Being authentic with our rage that’s really a defense for shame damages our relationships and pushes others way – usually the opposite of what we really want. Similarly, if, like many codependents, we believe we should be self-sufficient, we might not honor and ask for our needs for closeness or support. As a result, we end up feeling lonely and resentful. Journaling is a great way to decipher our true feelings.

There are over 70 needs and 200 emotions listed in Codependency for Dummies. Most feelings are combinations and variations of sad, mad, glad, fear, and shame. Developing an emotional vocabulary helps us be understood, be better communicators, and get what we want and need. (See How to Be Assertive.)

Honor Your Feelings and Needs

We must be able not only to acknowledge, but also honor our feelings and needs if we’re going to risk exposing them to others. Growing up in a dysfunctional family, many codependents have internalized shame, and judge their feelings and needs, like pride or anger and affection or intimacy. We’re also unaware of the shame that conceals and derides them. Working with a skilled therapist will help you be able to feel again and accept your needs without self-judgment. (Taming your inner critic is an essential step in self-acceptance. (See 10 Steps to Self-Esteem – The Ultimate Guide to Stop Self-Criticism.)

Improve Your self-Esteem and Boundaries

It takes courage again to take the ultimate risk of sharing what we feel and need. Without self-esteem and boundaries, we take things personally and collapse into shame. Our prickly defenses immediately get triggered and destroy the emotional safety we’re trying to create. On the other hand, we derive courage from risk-taking. Taking the leap to be vulnerable builds self-esteem and empowers us. With greater self-esteem and connection to ourselves, our boundaries improve. Flexible boundaries also enable us to discern when, where, how, and with whom we’re vulnerable. We’re aware that we’re separate from others and are able to allow their reactions. (See How to Raise Your Self-Esteem)

Learn to Be Assertive

There are constructive and destructive ways to communicate our vulnerability. Most of us lack those role models from our families where communication is learned. Developing assertiveness skills not only builds self-esteem, but enables us to communicate in effective ways that promote connection. This is especially important when we want to share “negative” feelings about things we dislike or don’t want. Additionally, when we’re able to set limits and say “No,” we’re more generous when they say it to us. (See How to Speak Your Mind – Become Assertive and Set Limits.)

Nurture Yourself

We can’t control other people’s reaction, so we also must know that we can nurture and sustain ourselves. This increases our autonomy. Most codependents don’t have good parental models of nurturing. Having supportive relationships and the ability to comfort ourselves make us less codependent on others. (See “10 Tips for Self-Love and Compassion.”) It’s also part of healing shame and building self-esteem. Taking reasonable risks builds self-esteem and autonomy, too.

Get Support

Working with an experienced psychotherapist is generally necessary to undo our old negative programming and support us in trying new behavior. Attending Twelve-Step meetings helps. Once we start living authentically, whether or not we’re in a relationship, we regain our zest and joy of living.

©Darlene Lancer 2017

Article from: Relationships & Love – Psych Central, by Darlene Lancer, JD, MFT

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Empowering Women In Love

Wise readers/listeners, 

My NEW podcast is up, at Rise Up For You—self-improvement for women in their love relationships. I hope you enjoy!

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Giving Up on Life: How to Change Your Self-Deprecating Attitude

Everyone feels like giving up on life every now and then. You’re not alone. Here’s how you can change that negative attitude and live a better life.

We all go through hard times. Nobody is immune to the pitfalls of life. We’ve all been at the point before where we felt like giving up on life. The difference is that for the majority of us, we were able to pull ourselves out of that negative headspace. We picked ourselves back up and moved on with our lives.

But that’s not something that’s easy to do. Sometimes, you can be so unhappy that it seems impossible to get out of that frame of mind. All you think about is how much giving up on life seems like the right answer. For those of you who feel this way, just know that there is hope. There’s a way to change that attitude.

Why we all have to learn to deal with the hardships of life

If you never learn how to pick yourself back up and move on after a rough day, it’s nearly impossible to have a happy and successful life. When you feel like giving up on life and you have no idea how to change that, life seems so much harder.

But we need to know how to deal with those times. Learning how to see the light at the end of the tunnel even if things are pitch black is a tool everyone needs. Because we’ll always have times that get difficult. We’ll always have situations that get us down. Knowing how to fix our frame of mind can help us live happier lives. [Read: How to deal with feeling lost in life]

How to change your attitude when you feel like giving up on life

Life is hard. Nobody can deny it. That being said, life is also really incredible and there’s so much to be grateful for. If you’re stuck in a rut and need a way out, these things can help you change your mindset.

#1 Write down what you’re grateful for. It’s really easy to forget how many great things we actually have in life. Most of us only ever focus on the negatives. Take some time every night to write down at least 5 things you’re grateful for that day. This can help you see the brighter side of any bad day. [Read: How to be more grateful and get rid of your sense of entitlement]

#2 Start thinking more positively. I know it’s not as easy as it sounds, but hear me out. Every time you have a negative thought, replace it with two positive ones. Doing this can help rewire your brain to think more positively and you’ll realize that even when you think about negative things, your brain will automatically see the brighter side. [Read: Are negative thoughts ruining your life?]

#3 Make a to-do list. Sometimes all you really need to do is stop and make a list of the things you need to do. Often times, when people feel like giving up on life, they’re simply overwhelmed with all the things happening around them. Making a list and tackling it step by step can alleviate those feelings of doom.

#4 Talk to friends and family. Your support system is there for a reason. They love and care about you. Talk to someone close to you about how you’re feeling and it can help you feel better.

#5 Get outside. Vitamin D is not just good for your body, it’s also great for your mind. Taking some time to spend outdoors with nature can help put things into perspective for you and you’ll realize how insignificant your worries really are.

#6 Start exercising. I know you may not like hearing this one, but your body needs exercise. It’s a great stress reliever and putting your body to work can help your mind relax. [Read: All the benefits exercising has to offer]

#7 Get enough sleep. If you don’t get enough sleep, your brain isn’t fully recharging. When your brain can’t reboot like it’s supposed to, it goes into a downward spiral. You may not even want to give up on life at all; you’re just tired.

#8 Do something creative. Believe it or not, your brain craves creativity – even if you’re not generally an artsy person. In fact, it can be even better for you to get creative and slather some paint on a canvas if you never do things like that. [Read: 15 reasons dating artsy girls is the best]

#9 Help someone in need. Not only can helping someone else show you how much you have to be grateful for, but it’ll also make you feel better. Helping those in need helps to boost your mood and make you feel like you have a purpose even if you feel like giving up on life.

#10 Practice smiling more. I know how silly it sounds, but it can actually help you feel better. Your mind is connected to your body. When you smile more – even if you’re not happy – it tricks your brain into thinking you are happy. Therefore, your mood gets boosted.

#11 Practice meditation. Some say meditation is crazy and others swear by it. Guess which of those two people are often the happiest? That’s right! Those who meditate can reflect on the great things they have in life while also letting go of negative thoughts.

#12 Think of yourself less. People are selfish. We were created to be self-serving beings. However, if we’re too self-absorbed, we stop seeing the good things in our lives. We focus too much on what we don’t have. Think of yourself less and of others more. [Read: 15 signs of a selfish person]

#13 Stay busy with entertaining things. Don’t just stay busy for the sake of doing busy things. Make sure you’re doing productive things that can help you stay focused on the positive outcome. Do things that can help move you forward in life.

#14 Focus on building your relationships. Something we all slack with is keeping up with our friendships and building a stronger bond with our family. Every kind of relationship needs nurturing, so don’t forget to pay attention to them.

#16 Treat yourself occasionally. It’s okay to indulge in something you enjoy every once in a while. There’s no need to hold yourself back from all the guilty pleasures life has to offer. Get your nails done, buy those concert tickets, and enjoy the life you have. [Read: How to focus on yourself and build your own happiness]

#17 Realize your self-worth. Many people who feel like giving up on life don’t really realize how much they’re worth. They undersell themselves and feel bad about who they are. Work on realizing just how much value you bring to those around you and you’ll be much happier.

#18 Spend money on experiences and not stuff. Don’t just buy yourself things. Those who spend money on activities and experiences are far happier. Those memories are more impactful than something that sits in your living room. [Read: 10 lessons your own experiences can teach you]

#19 Remember that you’re not alone. Everyone feels this way occasionally. You’re not alone in wanting to give up on life. I’ve been there. Your friends have been there. Beyoncé has even been there. Realizing this can help you push through those negative times.

#20 Be consistent with these practices. It won’t be fixed overnight. However, if you keep doing these things regularly, you’ll see how much of a difference they can really make. Be consistent and do these things even if you don’t feel like giving up on life. They can certainly lead to more happiness. 

[Read: How to feel happy again with 13 proven strategies]

It can be really hard to get yourself back to feeling happy once you’ve felt like giving up on life. Thankfully, it can be done. With these tips, you’ll start to realize how great life really is.

The post Giving Up on Life: How to Change Your Self-Deprecating Attitude is the original content of LovePanky – Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Article from: LovePanky – Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships, by Bella Pope

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How To Be A Geek With Style

In the hit 1984 film Revenge of the Nerds, a group of highly intelligent but socially awkward college students are preyed upon by the jocks—the strapping, athletic, hard drinking, and hyper sexual members of a prestigious fraternity. The premise of the film says a great deal about the values and social mores of the time. It used to be cool to be handsome and uninterested in books, learning, and high-tech gadgets. For young men of the last generation, what counted most was brawn and charisma. The triumph, or revenge, of the nerds in the aforementioned film anticipated how the smart kids, the outcasts, the geeks would eventually be the winners in society.

The revolution in technology that swept the globe in the early 2000s and gave us the web and the cult of gadgetry made the geek the icon of the present age. Far from being chastised and looked down upon, he became a celebrity, a highly admired and venerated figure. Mark Zuckerberg, Jack Dorsey, Noah Glass, Evan Glass—they are all geeks, not so different from the kind caricatured in Revenge of the Nerds; but these men, and others like them, now shape the world. The inventors of Facebook, Twitter, SnapChat and other disruptive technologies command the future of business and commerce.

If you are a geek, you now have the upper hand. You are most in tune with the way the modern world works and are therefore in a position to help or leave stranded those whose knowledge is more limited.

The intelligence of the geek is now embraced; his social awkwardness is not. Being a geek is in its own way an act of rebellion, so you need not conform to the fashion and manners of those around you. But you need not be boring and ridiculous either. You can be a geek with style.

I saw an excellent example of this the other day. A young man showed up to join his rather pretty lady friend at a restaurant I frequent. His narrow shoulders, sunken chest, thin legs, skinny arms, and tech-laden conversation marked him out as a geek. But he had a decent look about him. He wore a slightly faded but nicely cut trench coat and a checker-patterned button down shirt with clean properly fitting black jeans. His hair was combed, he was clean-shaven, and though his glasses were a bit old-fashion their size and dimensions were fitting for the shape and proportions of his face.

There was something eccentric about the young man—something slightly seventies (that is, the decade) about him. And that is really the point. His eccentricity was not wild, weird, or off-putting. It was a product of originality and distinct taste.

As a geek living in the 21st century you have an opportunity to make a statement with what you wear, how you look, and what you choose to talk about with others. You are no longer the social outcast that people of your temperament used to be. By cultivating your own sense of fashion and tastes you can become known not only for your knowledge and interests but for your style as well.

Article from: TSB Magazine | Dating and Lifestyle Advice for Men, by Christopher Reid

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The Art of Listening

It’s safe to say that most of us are interested in the quality of our lives. But what we may not remember are the following two ideas:

1. The quality of our lives depends largely on the quality of our relationships.
2. To a large extent, the quality of our relationships depend on the quality of our communication.

I’ve stated my belief on communication before – in a committed relationship, you can not not communicate. The real issue is — how do you handle the messages sent between you? Especially the ones involving messages you don’t like, or ones with which you disagree.

While I still fully believe this, for the purposes of this post, “communication” is referring to the actual practices of speaking and listening. It’s through speaking and listening that you can dramatically improve the quality of your relationships, and your life.

See the payoffs in listening well

If you desire a happier life and marriage, then listening well is one of the best ways to get what you want. Through listening, you learn. It will help you discover options and solve a wide variety of problems.

All you have to do is listen.

Remember – communication at best is difficult

The English language is filled with words that are easily misinterpreted and muddled. All you have to do is place the emphasis on a different word in a sentence, and you change its meaning. Not to mention the various definitions of some words – like chair (something you sit on, the leader of a board of directors, or even the metal block that supports and holds railroad tracks).

While being a clear speaker in your conversations will help, being a better listener will help even more.

Marital conversations, especially when heated or tense, often disintegrate into parallel monologues. The conversation reaches a point where neither person is listening to the other, yet each person continues trying to get their point across.

Enter the world of listening.

It’s easy to cross the line from listening to speaking. I know you’ve been there; a friend begins telling you how their vacation went and you interrupt, “That sounds great, just like the time our family went to the beach and …” The conversation just shifted away from them and back to you. Your story became more important than theirs.

Here’s a few ideas to help you become a better listener.

Listen to yourself listen

Listening to yourself requires paying close attention. Instead of mentally preparing a response or the message you are going to send, practice fully receiving the message already heading towards you.

Take note of your internal distractions. You know, the times you feel rushed or when the other person is turning a simple story into an epic drama and you’re losing interest. Or perhaps you’re involved in one conversation at the coffee shop but actually listening to the conversation taking place in the booth behind you.

By listening to yourself listen, you can find tactful ways to disengage yourself from the conversation when you are distracted and not fully present and listening. Honesty is often the best policy. Say something like, “Listen Mary, that sounds like a fascinating story, but right now I’m a bit distracted. I’m concerned about my parent’s health and I’d like to call and find out how they’re doing. I’d like to hear this story when I can really listen, so can we talk a little later in the day?”

When truly listening, it pays to either be genuine or be gone.

Use silence and postpone your response

The typical conversation is like a tennis match. One person serves, the other returns. There’s very little time wasted in the conversation. Use silence and postpone your response, which will slow down the conversation. It allows you to fully hear the other person and then appropriately respond. It helps ensure that both of you are more present and heard.

In conversations that are emotional and tense, silence is a tremendous gift. It allows all involved time to think, reflect, and breathe.

Remember that understanding is not agreeing

Listening means receiving an accurate version of the message being sent. Listening also means you gain an insight into the other person’s point of view. Once you understand the message the other person sends, you are then free to respond in any way you choose. And one possible response is to disagree.

Understanding and agreeing are two different things.

As a better listener, you can fully hear other ideas and opinions and then respond appropriately and calmly. As a general rule – until people feel understood, they are less likely to be willing to invest much energy in trying to understand you. And when you don’t feel understood, you’re less likely to invest in trying to understand someone else.

Try it out. Take some time in your next conversations and practice being a better listener.

The post The Art of Listening appeared first on Simple Marriage.

Article from: Simple Marriage, by Corey

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Relationship Advice: How To Improve Your Relationship Even if Your Partner Doesn’t Want To

Many people feel like their relationship with their partner or spouse is stuck in neutral and going nowhere fast. They think to themselves that if only their partner would work a little on the relationship, it could be much better for the both of them. But, their partner either denies that there are any relationship problems, or blames any problems there are on the other. How can a man or woman help their relationship in such a situation?

One thing that keeps couples stuck in neutral is the idea that it takes two people to improve a relationship. It is true that it takes two to have a relationship, but either damage or improvement can be done by one person. One person having an affair, gambling away the house, or constantly criticizing their partner can do dreadful damage. One person earning trust, learning to listen, or taking time to spend with their partner can do a world of good.

Another thing that keeps couples stuck is trying to determine who started the problems in the first place. It is as though if they figured that out they could somehow go back in time and stop that person from making the mistake. Or maybe it is to lay blame. The first case is not possible and the second case is not helpful.

What holds people back from making progress and achieving success in life is the avoidance of responsibility. Telling ourselves that we need more time, more money, more help, more health, more luck, etc., before we can change our life situation is what stops us. The people who have the greatest feeling of success are the ones who climb a mountain although they have no legs, start a business although they have no money, earn a degree although they have no time, or work on their relationship although they have no help. What separates these people is a do it or die attitude and taking responsibility. They do not let any condition stop them from moving toward their goal. You can be such a person. You can be the champion for your relationship and you can start today.

To get your relationship moving forward again, relationship coaches recommend the following:

BELIEVE that you can make a healthy relationship by taking appropriate action even if your partner does not want to. What you do may determine whether or not your partner takes healthy actions. Do you believe your current inactivity is helping you or your partner to take healthy action?

STOP focusing on whose fault the problems are. Whether they were your fault or someone else’s makes no difference for moving forward. Do not waste time getting your friends to agree with you about whose fault your problems are. Successful people have more skeptics and naysayers than they do supporters. Have the guts to work on getting what you want even if others do not believe you can.

SHIFT your attention from the past to the future. What do you want your relationship to be like in 6 months? In 5 years? In 20 years? Do not be limited to what you think you can achieve. Dare to dream. This is your life and you can choose how to live it. You can fail to achieve your dreams, but if you don’t dream at all, how much will you progress?

LEARN the skills that you need to get you where you want to go. People have climbed mountains with no legs, but they had to learn to walk in a different way and practice on level ground. Get help and support from people motivated to help you reach your goals. If you need professional help, get it. Make the most of your time.

BECOME a person who would be worthy of the kind of partner and relationship that you want to have. Do not expect to get Mr. or Mrs. Wonderful before you have become wonderful yourself. Could you get a great job if you were not suited for the position? How could you expect to have a great partner if you are not one yourself? Are you willing to work on becoming the kind of person who can have such a partner?

You have done well to get where you are now. To have a better life and better relationship, you must be willing to give up old strategies. To get even further, you will need to dream new dreams, learn new skills, and take new actions. There is no one stopping you but yourself.

Jack Ito PhD is a licensed psychologist and relationship coach.

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Make New Friends In Australia

Enjoy Dating Online in Australia

Dating sites Australia attracts oldies to date with matured daters online. Australia is a continent itself. It is rich in natural resources. This country has the sound economic infrastructure to create an elite class/society. Now online dating is a new trend for oldies who have already crossed 50 to become members of geriatric society. However, they can date with open heart.

Online Dating for Old Aussies

Older online dating sites provide free access to date without expenses. If you want to chat with old women online, you can sign up to get chance for dating. However, you will have to do what is required for becoming a permanent subscriber to use the dating sties for oldies. Choose the well recognized dating website in the net. First check whether it is a paid dating site which needs membership fees to operate the dating tools online. At the same time, you must go through the terms and conditions which are applied to do decent chatting. Dating is a fun game. There is no obligation to continue dating or keep relationship alive for ever. You are not obliged to marry your partner. You can cut off online rapport with daters at any point of time. It is completely your matter how to handle the dating sites. If you are a man, you must click the option which displays caption ‘man seeking for woman.

If you are not qualified and experienced to date online, consult with other visitors online. The best way to get friends is to open an account in social networking sites. They will definitely help you to select popular Australian dating sites for oldies. Enjoy holidays by chatting online with your favorite daters.

Limitations

Though online dating is popular, you must be aware of some basic rules and restrictions imposed by Australian government. For instance, you should not disturb an old dater by making phone calls everyday without her permission. If she denies, you should not proceed. Be decent and polite to date with your matured sweethearts. Secondly, it is also offensive to use any provocative term which heats up emotions of a lady. You must harm her social status by lowering down her prestige in public. These are some of the common restrictions and you must try to be fair to abide by dating rules.

Mature senior singles are available in online dating sites. If you are a single and want to date with persons who are not married, check the gallery online. Have a look at their profiles. Aussies are very much emotional and moody. You must convince them to date with you. Dating older is a new experience. Expand your imagination to undergo a romantic venture. To keep mind fresh, online dating is a fantastic source of entertainment. You have golden chance to meet new old daters who have the same mindsets like you. Chat with them comfortably. You can use video chatting to see them face to face. In this connection, to make dating spicy, read some quoted statements on love and old dating. You will get lot of inspiration from these dating reviews and personal blogs on romance. Try to understand the feelings and sentiments of matured daters.

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Internet Dating Primer

Internet dating is an amazing phenomenon. Nowadays, Internet dating sites in the U.S. are getting over 60 million visitors a month. There are now many hundreds of dating sites on the Web. Why such tremendous growth in this business? Simply because it’s an easy, efficient way to meet members of the opposite sex. Anyway, it certainly has to beat the old-style singles services, bar scenes, etc.

However, before you get involved in Internet dating – which is a world of its own – take ten minutes to read over this article. I have a some important suggestions for you that may save you a lot of frustration. I also have a few important warnings to keep you out of trouble.

There are now two major types of online dating sites, first, the so-called megasites, like AmericanSingles.com, Match.com, and eHarmony.com, and second, the specialized sites.

These megasites cater to everyone, young and old, nationwide, and have many thousands of members. On the other hand, the specialized sites focus on narrower niche markets – like thirty-plus singles, Jewish singles, Christian singles, black singles, senior singles, etc. It’s really just a matter of preference whether to join the huge megasites or a small niche site, or both. One thing they all have in common is that they will charge you a membership fee – soon after your “free” sign-up.

You probably already know how these sites all work. To start, you complete a profile (some call it an “essay” but please don’t write an essay) about yourself and your interests, etc., and then you upload your absurdly-flattering photo of yourself. Then you wait for some fish to bite the hook, or else you can play the role of the fish yourself and send emails to members you pick who you think look and sound interesting.

The sites almost invariably let you “search” for members who meet your specifications regarding age, education, location, religion, and other factors.

Women are dominant in online dating. Reportedly, women who send out emails to men get upwards of 96% responses. Men who email women get only about 20% responses. However, it’s important to realize that cyberspace can be more dangerous territory for women than for men. First, men tend to lie more than women, particularly about their marital status. A man may completely misrepresent himself on a dating site, even to the point of uploading a picture of somebody else. Women rarely do that sort of thing. (Women do, however, tend to post pictures of their younger thinner selves, which is much more forgivable.) A man may oftentimes describe himself simply in terms he thinks women want to hear – lying about his education, profession, age, the works, even about the fact he has three kids who are teenagers.

Why do men do this when the truth will sooner or later be found out? The answer is, many men who use dating sites are not necessarily looking for long-term relationships.

But the worst danger to a woman is to get involved with a man who’s unbalanced or even violent, and yes, there are some of those out there, too. Thus, ladies, it’s extremely important to avoid giving men you correspond with through dating sites any information which will enable them to identify you until you are sure who you’re dealing with. Though you may not be aware of it, you can now be identified via the Internet very quickly by someone who knows very little about you – maybe as little as your first and last names. And you can certainly be identified by your telephone number.

Conversely, it is also very important that you always insist that the man does identify himself. He should not resist giving you his full name and address. If he does resist, something is probably wrong – like he’s already married. Once you have his name and address you can run a quick online background check on him for only about $ 50, using a service like Intelius. This will include a criminal records search and also give you some idea of his economic status because it will tell you if he owns a house and if so what its value is.

Unfortunately, it probably won’t tell you if he’s married or divorced, or if it does, its coverage will be limited to only be a few states, like Florida and Texas, that make this type of information easily available through databases.

However, if you haven’t done so already, you can download our ebook, Marriage & Divorce Records, USA (MarriageDivorceUSA.com). This free ebook provides URL’s and government phone numbers for nearly all counties and states in the USA. Using it, you can check his marital status out reasonably thoroughly (though never with 100% certainty, since someone can get married or divorced anywhere).

Assuming you meet someone online you find interesting, you’ll probably agree to a date. Always make it in a public place where there are other people around. A cocktail lounge is good, or a restaurant. (Not a bagel shop early in the morning, please. I often sit next to online daters at 8:30 A.M. in the bagel shop I go to, and I hate it. Pick somewhere there’s reasonable privacy.)

I used to wonder why so few dating sites offer their members background checks. So I called up two and asked. They both said the same thing, because they’re afraid it would “alarm” their members. They’re afraid of giving the impression that there’s something to fear from online dating. Of course, from a woman’s standpoint especially, there really is something to fear. What if the person you’re agreeing to meet and possibly enter into a relationship with is a convicted felon? So, again, I recommend you seriously consider doing an online background check before the first date. (Our first report in our Web Search Guides series covers the topic of online background checks in detail.)

Online Dating Suggestions

– Men should be be very cautious in emailing women on dating sites. Why? The reason is that they may inadvertently enter into a conversation with a minor, even to the point of arranging a date, and this can result in very serious consequences you don’t even want to think about.

– From a woman’s standpoint, the big question is, Is he telling the truth? Especially regarding his marital status. Here are a few indications he’s married: he refuses to provide a photo (so his wife or one of her friends won’t spot it online); he won’t provide a home address or telephone number, or only his cell number; he is never available on weekends or Saturday night, only during the business day. But although a man you’re exchanging emails with should not hesitate to provide some personal information to you, you should never give out your full name, address or phone number until you’re certain he’s on the level.

– For a lot more tips on safe online dating, visit saferdating.com

– Most Web dating sites allow you to block emails from people you find obnoxious. Visit haltabuse.org for assistance in dealing with someone who harrasses you. If you’ve got a really serious situation, try cyberlawenforcement.org.

– You should recognize that it’s easy to lift somebody’s photo from a dating site. So the photo you submit could conceivably turn up anywhere. It’s unlikely anyone will lift it; even so, it’s not impossible.

– Almost 80% of women embellish their online photos, so, men, don’t be too stunned if she doesn’t look like you expect. Be decent.

– Seven out of ten Internet dating participants are men. Unfortunately, a large percentage of these are married and are just looking for affairs or maybe cybersex. On the other hand a significant proportion of the women online are not looking for relationships, either. They’re running online scams, trying to extract money from lonely men. For both men and women an excellent rule for online dating is: Never send money to anybody unless you’re buying something.

– Did you know that, on most of the top online dating sites, you can easily check out someone’s search activity by viewing their profile? You can also check to see exactly who has looked at your profile.

Most experts agree on the following guidelines when doing Internet dating: (1) Beware of people who start telling you their problems right away; (2) Watch out for minors who are posing as adults; (3) Never give out information about your personal finances – like how much money you make, whether you own a home, etc.; (4) Don’t give your home address/phone number out right away and don’t have the other person meet you for a first date at your home; (5) Don’t send anyone money: (6) Don’t take rejections personally – just move on. And if you need to reject someone yourself, do it tactfully (“I’ve decided to get back with my boyfriend,” etc.); (7) Try to find out all you can about someone before agreeing to a first date; the Internet can help.

Joseph Ryan is Director of Washington Research Associates, Inc., Washington DC. The firm’s website, Web Search Guides provides helpful 10-minute tutorials on topics of current interest, such as identity theft, asset-searching, people searching, identity theft, and many others.

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Relationship Advice: When They Don’t Want You Anymore

It all seemed to be going so well. The chemistry between the two of you was obvious. You both shared most of the same interest and the conversations you had whether online by phone or face to face were filled with incredible talks and laughter. Things were just about to go to the next level in your relationship i.e. get more serious. It was not just you who felt that way either. Your partner was on the same wavelength.

And then it happened. The message on your cell phone was pretty direct in fact it seemed downright cold. Almost like hearing the voice of a total stranger instead of someone you had started to build a good relationship with. The words were short and to the point: “I never want to see or hear from you again.”

What went wrong? You call the person and try to find out the reason. When they answer the phone, they sound even colder than the voicemail. They tell you in no uncertain terms that they do not owe you anything and the relationship is thru. Click. End of conversation; end of relationship.

The reasons can be varied but in reality it does not matter. The main point is that being dumped is one of the most painful things that can happen to anyone. Rejection is a powerful force that can hit us like a tidal wave. Why? Because no matter how tough or hard core the person, deep down we all want to be accepted in some way. It is even more painful when love is involved.

Love puts us in a position where we are the most vulnerable. To share your life experiences with someone only to have them turn around and reject you seems like they are laughing in your face. It hurts. Anyone who says otherwise is only fooling themselves. If you have to grieve in you own way to get over it that is fine.

What you must not let rejection do to you is to create a permanent wall of self doubt. That has the potential to sabotage any relationships you will have in the future (and you will have future relationships). If you want to analyze what went wrong, then go ahead. Are there things you could have done differently? Possibly. No relationship is perfect. But remember also it takes two to tango. It is more than okay to assign some of that blame to the other person. That does not mean you call them up and start telling them what they did wrong. The relationship is over so respect their wishes.

What do you do? Move on. You were a good person before the relationship and you are still a good person. Understand it is their loss not yours. Now they will never get to know all about wonderful you. That is not arrogance or desperation. It is just the plain truth. Rejection in a relationship should never mean you stop loving or caring about you.

Don’t internalize any of those silly poems or love songs that say they (meaning you) will never love again. Of course you will. Leave all that self doubt in the past and move on. The only song you should be internalizing is the one written by Jerome Kern:

“Nothing’s impossible I have found,
For when my chin is on the ground,
I pick myself up,
Dust myself off,
Start all over again.”

Daryl Campbell invites you to get more free relationship and dating tips, tools, videos and up the minute information along with the free report.101 Romantic Ideas. It’s all at The Dating Tip

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How To Dress Down—Smartly

The suit and tie as the standard business dress code is going the way of the dodo. The cult of the casual is slowly consuming the corporate world, making the race for purchasing expensive, high-end suits seem stuffy and pretentious.

We are much more relaxed in our dress than our fathers. I was watching the new Amazon biopic of Zelda Fitzgerald the other day and noticed how her husband, the great F. Scott Fitzgerald, wore a suit and tie even while working on his own in a country house retreat. That was the way things were back then. A college educated middle-class man was bred to maintain an appearance of neatness and respectability at all times.

Over the years that standard faded, and its complete erasure came with the emergence of the tech entrepreneurs who revolutionized American industry. Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerberg are rarely seen in ties, and the late Steve Jobs always sported the now iconic black turtle neck whenever he introduced a new Apple product.

The traditional high-end professions—law, finance, government, and management consulting—still require their mostly male employees to wear suit and tie. But new economy companies and the new creative class of writers, artists, and academics no longer require such stiffness and formality when it comes to dress.

That said there is a way of doing it smartly—assuming your work is in one of the latter categories. Some people seem to think that dressing down means being as scruffy, slovenly, and unkempt as possible. Old, ripped, soiled, unfitting shirts with belly exposed, over stretched belts that hang down at the end, uncombed and unwashed hair, patchy, untidy beards, sagging jeans—these are some of the grooming, or I should say non-grooming, habits gotten into by some of the most educated and hardest working professional people I know.

How they came to be in such a state is no mystery. Most of these young men are in their 20s. They grew up in the cult of casualness. What they wore and the way they looked were never challenged by peers or family. Increased tolerance and diversity has not only reduced the pressure to conform to some reigning standard; it has led to the preemption of all standards. Many of the young men I refer to have never thought about their appearance because they’ve never had to.

Dressing down smartly is not hard to do. Make comfort and style your aim. Think about the purpose of the suit. Traditionally, it bestowed professional legitimacy and respectability on the wearer. In the 21st century, that is no longer the case; the former are now conveyed by other practices of the educated elite.

The suit also boosted the confidence of the wearer. Such confidence can now be induced with the right casual wear.

Give up the old, musty, multi-colored acrylic t-shirt for a new, earth-toned cotton brand. A nice-fitting button down will help you meet the aim of being comfortable and decent-looking when you’re out in public. Buy a couple of new belts—one black, the other brown. Alternate your blue jeans with slacks of various colors so as to make it possible to be playful with what you wear.

Lastly, if you must grow a beard, and it seem like most young men must nowadays, keep it trimmed. The Shaggy Doo look is quite played.

Article from: TSB Magazine | Dating and Lifestyle Advice for Men, by Christopher Reid

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New Survey on Sexting Shows Little Negative Consequences

Sexting is a singularly modern phenomenon. It’s safe to assume that our ancestors were not doing it because they didn’t have the technology it requires.

The name sexting came from joining together the words “sex” and “texting” but has grown to encompasses the recording and sending or sexually suggestive or explicit images through mobile phones and social media platforms such as Facebook, Snapchat and Instagram.

Amongst young people in Australia, sexting is a major form of communication, but recent research shows that it’s mostly happening without negative consequences and within existing relationships. The media, politicians, and various groups have all voiced concerns around the risks of sexting as it relates to child pornography and excessive coercion, but the data does not warrant widespread alarm.

A 2015 study found that 13 to 15-year-olds were particularly likely to receive sexual images, but most of this sexting occurred between partners in committed relationships. It’s worth pointing out that most 13 to 15 year olds have seen images of human anatomy already — if they have a TV or computer in their lives, they’ve seen genitalia. Sexting is not just a heterosexual youth fad either. It’s prominent among young homosexual and bisexual respondents.

The main concern with teenagers and sexting is kind of a modern twist on an old problem—gender dynamics. Overseas research found a gendered double standard exists in sexting. Young women and girls usually stand to lose more when ‘consensual’ sexting goes wrong (emotionally, socially, economically) and they’re more likely to feel pressured or coerced into sending an image.

The organization Relationships Australia surveyed over 1,700 people in slightly older age brackets in March 2017 on their sexting habits. 75% of the respondents were female, 85% of the respondents were between 20 to 59 years old, and more than one-third (37%) of the respondents comprised women aged between 30 to 49 years. Most of the respondents were married or in a long-term relationships (28%). Less than a quarter of respondents were not in a relationship.

And these young-to-middle aged mostly attached people are sexting. 54% of the women and 45% of the men reported that they had sent a sexually suggestive message, picture or video of themselves. Most of the men and women (65% and 58%, respectively) say they sext to be fun or flirty. The next biggest motivator for men was in response to a sext they received; for women, it was to send a gift, of sorts.

Some less sexually motivated reasons came up too. 7% of women and 6% of men said they had sexted in the past to get or keep a person’s attention or because they were pressured to (men 1%, women 6%). But just under half of the survey’s respondents said they had not received a sexually suggestive message, picture or video in the past three years, which might mean sexting isn’t all that widespread. And less than a fifth of the respondents said they’d gotten sexts from two to five people—the rest were sexting with one person at a time.

Not surprisingly, men and women in long-term relationships were more likely to send a sexually suggestive message, picture or video than married people (39% vs. 27%). Men and women in a casual relationship or who had just started seeing someone were more likely to sext than not to sext—that’s hardly news either. People who are actively trying to engage a partner are more likely to reach out in lots of ways to the other person, and sexting is an immediate, flashy one.  

It’s hard to draw a conclusion about sexting from a few studies, and only a limited number of years of the technology being available. But, from what research we have, it seems like people are not using the technology to exploit others or corrode the moral fabric of society any more than usual. It’s just another method to act out the same human dramas we’ve been playing out for centuries.

References:

(March, 2017) Sexting. Retreived from http://ift.tt/2skhQEA

Albury K, Crawford K, Byron P and Mathews B (2013). Young people and sexting in Australia: Ethics, representation and the law. Sydney: ARC

Centre for Creative Industries and Innovation. http://ift.tt/2bGstW9

Dobson AS and Ringrose J (2015). Sext education: pedagogies of sex, gender and shame in the schoolyards of Tagged and Exposed. Sexuality, Society and Learning, Volume 16(1)

Lee, M, Crofts, T, McGovern, A. & Milivojevic, S. (2015). Sexting among young people: Perceptions and practices, Trends & issues in crime and criminal justice no. 508. Canberra: Australian Institute of Criminology, December

Article from: Relationships & Love – Psych Central, by Clinton Power

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How to Stop Caring About Someone Who Once Meant the World to You

Breakups suck. They’re difficult to get through and sometimes you can’t let go. If this is you, you may want to know how to stop caring about someone.

I know how hard it is to get through a breakup – especially when that person was your entire world. But for one reason or another, they’ve decided that you’re not a great match and there you lay, covered in blankets and clutching your favorite tub of ice cream, wondering just how to stop caring about someone you love.

It won’t be easy, that’s for sure. But over time, you can learn to stop caring about someone you once loved. It’ll take time, constant effort, and a lot of support, but you can do it.

Why some relationships end – even when things seem perfect

You can’t always predict a breakup. Sure, there can be signs that your significant other is gearing up to call it quits, but not always. You may not recognize the signs or your partner might be really good at hiding their true feelings.

And that’s sometimes how it goes. You may think your relationship is amazing and you’re really happy. But oftentimes, your happiness may be clouding your perception of how your significant other is feeling. You may be happy, but they may be seeing a lot of issues in the relationship or they could be changing their feelings. [Read: 12 real reasons couples drift apart over time]

How to stop caring about someone you once loved

Can you ever really stop caring about them completely? Probably not. They were a huge part of your life for a long time. But you can definitely reduce those feelings and even forget about them from time to time.

If you’re going through a breakup or just want to stop caring about someone you know you can never be with, these tips will help. [Read: How to stop thinking about someone you still like]

#1 Accept what is. You can’t control everything. Things are going to happen whether you want them to or not. You can’t force someone to feel the same way about you and refusing to accept it can make things a lot worse. Respect how they feel and focus on starting fresh.

#2 Vent to your friends. Your friends have all been through the same thing before. They know how it feels and they can offer you helpful advice. Don’t just shut yourself off from the world. Talk to your friends and discuss how you’re feeling. Venting can really help you see things from a new perspective. [Read: How to know if your friend is being a good friend]

#3 Think about their flaws. I know how easy it is to think about all the great things about them. But in order to learn how to stop caring about someone, you have to remember their flaws. And they definitely had them. Remembering the worst about someone can help you realize that maybe they weren’t so great after all.

#4 Think realistically about how you were together. You were happy. And you liked them a ton. But does that mean you were truly great together? Did you have the same morals and values? Were they someone you could actually build a future with?

Chances are, they weren’t. You may have had those characteristics of your relationship clouded by how great you thought they were as a person. [Read: 18 critical signs your relationship was unhealthy]

#5 Get your friends’ opinions. Your friends can look at your situation without a bias. You can’t. Therefore, you should always ask them what they think and how they can help. They can help you see that they may not have been someone worth caring so much about.

#6 Delete everything of theirs on social media. And I mean everything. Get rid of any pictures with them and delete them as a friend. You can’t possibly learn how to stop caring about someone you once loved when their face keeps popping up everywhere. So clear it out for good.

#7 Get rid of their number. Yes, you also have to delete their number. Having access to contacting them is a huge no-no. You can’t stop caring about someone if you’re always looking at their name in your phone and daydreaming about texting them how much you miss them. Get rid of it. [Read: 7 resolute ways to resist the urge to call your ex]

#8 Redirect your thoughts about them. This is definitely something that won’t be easy, but if you can do it, you’ll be able to stop caring about them much easier. Whenever you start thinking about them, consciously reroute your thoughts.

Start thinking about something random or even sing a song in your head. This will, after a while, train your mind to bypass thoughts of them.

#9 Put away anything they’ve ever given you. I know you’re probably really attached to their old t-shirt or you love seeing the photo of the two of you on your nightstand, but you need to get rid of them. Seeing those reminders will only make things worse.

#10 Stay distracted by having fun. If you really want to know how to stop caring about someone you once loved, you have to master the art of being distracted. If you’re too busy having fun with friends, you won’t have time to think about them. And after a while, you’ll stop thinking about them all together. When those thoughts disappear, so do your feelings. [Read: How to have fun and feel awesome post breakup]

#11 Allow yourself to feel sad sometimes. It’s okay to feel sad about the relationship. It’s okay to miss that person. Don’t hold yourself back from this – especially in the start. In order to move past those feelings, you first have to let yourself feel them.

#12 Get some new hobbies. Just like going out with your friends can serve as a distraction from your feelings, so can hobbies. Join a bowling league or a volleyball team. Getting out and trying new things will take your mind off of them.

#13 Keep yourself open to new opportunities – and people. If you want to learn how to stop caring about someone, you have to learn how to open yourself. You need to keep an open mind about new people and opportunities. You never know when someone special can walk into your life. But if you’re too distracted with thinking about the person who doesn’t want you, you’ll never see them. [Read: How to meet new people and find a new crowd]

#14 Remember that you deserve to be happy. You deserve happiness and you deserve someone who cares about you the same way you care about them. Remembering this can help you start to move passed your relationship with your ex. [Read: How to get over someone you care about by hating them]

#15 Be patient. This isn’t something that happens overnight. You can’t just get over someone with the flip of a switch. It’ll take a lot of time and effort. But if you keep on doing the things mentioned above, they’ll only be a distant memory to you.

 [Read: How to let go of someone you love]

Learning how to stop caring about someone who once meant the world to you will take a lot of time. However, if you practice the things above, it’ll go a lot faster than you might expect.

The post How to Stop Caring About Someone Who Once Meant the World to You is the original content of LovePanky – Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Article from: LovePanky – Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships, by Bella Pope

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Senior Dating Websites

If you’ve reached retirement age and do not have someone to share your life with, then it’s time to make your love life more interesting. Senior dating is fashionable, and if you would like to meet individuals like you who are likewise searching for love and companionship, it’s time to join the mature dating market.

Still not convinced? Here are just a few of the numerous factors why you ought to date again even at your age:

Sixty is the new 40. Retirees are no longer considered old. Thanks to financial independence, longer life spans, and better health as a result of remarkable advances in healthcare, many older adults will now be able to lead active social lives and enter the mature dating scene.

You may never let age hamper you from enjoying life. It’s true what they say – “You’re always as young as you feel.” You have many more active years top find exciting personal human relationships. It is now time to travel with someone special. Perhaps you can play the game of golf or tennis. The best dates for mature couples often involve seeing new places and staying physically active.

You are in a stress-free life stage. The pressures of work and raising a family group are way behind you now. You do not have to worry about the things that once consumed much of your energy. You at long last have the time to take pleasure from and relish meeting a new person.

Technology has made it faster to connect to other seniors in the mature dating scene. Don’t ever let computers and the web scare you. Thanks to the web, this is the best time ever to be single and searching for mature partners in your age range. There are a lot of profiles on-line, and one of them may belong to the future love of your life. Now that’s truly magic.

Dating on-line is not for younger people any more, you’ll be surprised at how many senior citizens now use the web to find themselves a suitable partner. Try mature dating sites where it is possible to see profiles of other senior daters. If you like them, you can send them an email, eventually chat with them, and then meet them in the flesh.

All you should do to start is to produce an online dating account, and then input personal particulars like your age, height, hobbies, hair colour, taste in music – there are quite a few options. You’ll immediately see a list of potential dates in the area you specified.

Scroll through, look at the descriptions, check the pictures, and if anybody catches your eye

What makes http://ift.tt/2sWCUBQ one or more of the Senior Christian Dating sites is that they pride themselves on helping you get to know the person behind the profile. And although they love to try to convince you that they are the best dating website claiming that their chemistry test matching is the best in the business and will find you the ideal match, the good thing about this site is that it keeps things light and fun. That is what it is single dating sites should do. – http://ift.tt/2sWCUBQ

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from Just Senior Singles http://ift.tt/2v5qchB

Are You An Elitist?

No group is more hated, despised, and pilloried in America today than the elites. The elites seem to be public enemy number one. Every social problem, from the growth in inequality to the war in Afghanistan, has been attributed to them. Crime, terrorism, failing schools, drug addiction, teenage pregnancy, the national debt—all began with the rise of the elites, or so we are supposed to believe.

But for all the problems that these agents of evil are said to have caused it is not clear who exactly they are. Some say they are the barons of industry and finance—the infamous one percent. Others point to the individuals who have spent their careers in and around public policy making, the so-called political class. Still others believe these all powerful demons to be none other than the liberals (usually defined as anyone who does not hold extreme right-wing views) in media, television, and film. And some say it is all of these people: it is one big conspiracy to destroy the country and keep down the common man.

It seems to me that most of the people against the elite are reacting more toward an attitude and temperament rather than a specific group. Their beef is with elitism rather than the elite per se.

The popular view of the elitist as someone who puts on airs, who acts superior in an arrogant and extravagant way, is cartoonish and does not at all comport with the kind of people you meet in real life. Nevertheless the social and economic gaps that have widened in the country over the past thirty years have produced a group of what might be called ordinary elitists.

I am one of them. You may be one as well.

This latest form of elitism transcends industries and income. Although it hails mostly from the middle class, people from the working class and the working poor occasionally find their way to it. The ordinary elitists are the products of education. Specifically, the confidence, connections, and cognitive abilities they acquire at the world’s best universities.

These are people who display a distinct set of practices, manners, and habits of thought and language. The ordinary elitist does not put on airs; he thinks, feels, and acts as he does because he knows nothing different. He has been sealed off from or escaped from poverty, ignorance, and squalor. He has grown up in a world of books, ideas, conversation, and fine living and has been shaped by them.

If you think nothing of paying $ 5 for a cup of coffee, if you know the difference between Provolone and Pecorino cheese, if you know the difference in taste between a Nero d’ Avola and a Barolo wine, if you have opinions on the works of Edward St. Aubyn and Salman Rushdie, if you have already read Arundhati Roy’s new novel, if you go around talking about intersectionality, then there is no doubt that you are an elitist—an ordinary elitist.

But is that something to feel bad about or be ashamed of. Absolutely not. If you were born into privilege and received a good education, you should make the most of it. If you had to fight your way to a good school and the comfortable middle-class lifestyle it has afforded you, it is right for you to enjoy it. You can still treat people who have not had your opportunities with respect and inhumanity. A love of culture, art, and intellect does not make an inherently unkind or unjust person. Being an elitist, as I have defined it, means only that you love what is best and finest in life.

Article from: TSB Magazine | Dating and Lifestyle Advice for Men, by Christopher Reid

Read more here.

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from Just Senior Singles http://ift.tt/2tVBWCR