The Only 2 Times You Should Tell Your BFF You’re In Love With Them

The Only 2 Times You Should Tell Your BFF You’re In Love With Them

I typed the words, “should I tell my best friend I’m in love with them?” into Google and found odd comfort in the solidarity that other people posed the same question. Many times, actually, in all sorts of phrasing. I felt particularly grateful for the rhetoric that resonated with my own. But, like many, I took most comfort in believing my situation was different.
For the record, the consensus is not to tell. An overwhelming majority concede that it’s best to move on in your own time without causing temporary or permanent trauma to the friendship. After all, what hurts more: losing your best friend, or missing out on the chance they’ll feel the same?
There’s two important health checks to assess first: One, how do you know it’s love? And two, is the benefit of telling the person greater than the loss of losing them?
I decided to tell and here’s why.

Health check one: Is it love?

It took months of consideration, assessment and reflection to draw the dichotomy between loving someone and wanting to spend the rest of your life as partners with him or her by your side. I used associated and disassociated techniques found in NLP training to think about how I saw myself and felt in the relationship.
I wondered if conversation and great sex would survive alongside financial fights and domestic chores. Would the bubble around utopia burst with reality? It takes honest consideration because making a permanent decision on temporary emotions is a recipe for regret.
The second part to the first health check (yes, life is complicated), is confronting your motive. Is it altruistic or is it hubris? An altruistic motive places your heart in the right place; you’re speaking up with the best intentions and for the selfless greater good. A Machiavellian mind could be acting out of ill-placed emotions.
Are you qualifying your ego? Fulfilling a need for temporary attention in the wrong place? Or even setting up your friend to fail the test of love?
If there’s a slice of doubt of whether to tell, it’s a stop sign.

Health check two: Will you risk the friendship if it doesn’t work out?

Part two’s heath check is a balancing act; is the benefit of telling the person greater than the loss of losing them? This is a contingency plan, giving you a taste of the loss that could ensue if your feelings are not reciprocated.
Firstly, a “best friend” is hard to come by and harder to replace. If your feelings have started to encroach on your ability to remain friends and not be disappointed by lulls in communication or unmet expectations, then it’s a good sign you’re on the way to telling.
For others, the possibility of jeopardizing your friendship is simply too much to bear.
The litmus test for this balancing act comes down to your honest expectation of their response. So you’ve told your best friend you love them; how will they react? You should have a reasonable expectation of what happens next.
If, deep down, you don’t believe they feel the same (maybe they’re in a serious relationship or maybe they’ve never made an advance), then the balance may lean toward not telling. Don’t bring unnecessary pain to the friendship if you can move on from your feelings in time.
Again, if there’s a slice of doubt of whether to tell, it’s a stop sign.
Now, if you’ve passed health check one and two, you know your love is genuine and the friendship will be unsuccessful anyway given your feelings, it’s time to tell.
We live in a fast-paced world crammed with disposable mating, digital dating and medicated fixes. We don’t like to feel pain and we’re wired to think quick. It’s likely why our emotions feel like a moving target; some stay grounded, others are fleeting and some poke their head from time to time. If for no other reason than to slow it all down to be sure, assess your motives before throwing “love” around like confetti and “best friends” around like they’re replicable.
How to tell your best friend you love them? Well, that is a whole other story.



Via Dating – Elite Daily by Nicole Crowley:
The Only 2 Times You Should Tell Your BFF You’re In Love With Them

If You Love A Leo, Pay Attention To Them Before It’s Too Late

If You Love A Leo, Pay Attention To Them Before It’s Too Late

Leo is known for being full of life, outgoing, lovable and exuberant.
But there are some Leos who are modestly confident, and more introverted in nature. They may not demand attention like extroverted Leos but they still enjoy getting it, and know that they’ve got something to offer. They simply may not be as inclined to talk about it with others.
Leo wants things to be good all the time and although they are prone to drama, Leo is more inclined to look on the bright side. Leo doesn’t want to be on bad terms with anyone, if anything they will go out of their way to be nice to their enemies. Leo is a “kill them with kindness” type, and often won’t stoop to insults during a conflict. Leo is the often the person you can rely on. They have their friends’ backs come hell or high water.
Leo rules the heart and loves deeply, but they don’t want just anybody. When they meet the right person, they will just know. It will be instinctual. When a Leo decides that they want you, they will be eternally yours.
The thing is, Leo needs attention. A Leo needs to be adored, pet, and loved. When Leo isn’t getting this in their relationship, they will find it somewhere else.
It’s not to say that they cheat (though they could), but they will turn towards something or someone who is going to boost their ego. Emotional cheating does occur here, as well as flirtations.
Some Leos, who cross this line, will find solace in someone else. In other cases, merely engaging with good friends can bring out the best in Leo and restore them.
Here are five reasons why you should always pay attention to your Leo:

1. A Leo is the type to think, “stroke my back and I’ll stroke yours.”

Your Leo will build you up when your kingdom falls; they will be there to catch you. They will do anything for you, even if this means putting their own agenda second.
If a Leo is complimenting you all the time, it is a subconscious hint that they need some of this encouragement back. Leo needs to know that you love them, so be sure to tell them on a regular basis.
Leo is prepared to match you on every level. They are wired to do everything you do for them and then some. Leo will really surpass your expectations of what it means to be a good partner, and the people in your life will notice this.

2. A Leo brings flare, fun and personality into a relationship.

As a fire sign, Leo knows how to turn up the heat. They know how to create the perfect mood. They have a lot of passion in their heart, and they express this on the regular.
Leo lives their life for the things they love most, and the things they enjoy doing the most. The people in their lives are the most important to them. You’ll be hard-pressed to find a Leo in a career that doesn’t speak directly to their heart. Leo is the type to do what they love and love what they do.

3. A Leo has a sense of loyalty.

Even if the definition of being loyal changes, Leo will sacrifice their own needs for your loyalties.
So, Leo might forgive something that they should be upset about. Leo will make allowances for the people they love.
This can be a problem as Leo will lower their expectations in the relationship so they can complement the needs of their partner. Leo won’t even tell you when they are mad, though it will come out later (when things have accumulated for too long).
Leo doesn’t like to stir the pot if they can help it, but they do get frustrated when they give too much, and get back too little.
Loyalty is incredibly sacred to the Leo, and if you dishonor it, it will take time for Leo to forgive you and move forward. If Leo really loves you, they are almost always open to working it out.

4. A Leo likes being the center of attention.

You won’t want to miss Leo in action, as they quickly become the life of the party.
It is important for Leo that their partner finds them funny and enjoys their ability to work the room (when they want to).
Leo wants to feel supported, but Leo also wants the validation that they are enjoyable.
Leo is known for cracking jokes and telling stories. They bring the light. Shy or lazy Leo may seek entertainment on the sly, but they are probably known in their close circles for making people laugh and enjoy the moment.

5. A Leo has a tremendous amount of love to give, and they just want to be loved in return.

Leo needs to feel like they are loved and wanted.
They want to feel valued, and like their partner would never want anyone else. Consistent love is the key to keeping your Leo attentive. You have to remind them that they are loved and wanted.
Leo doesn’t want to be sexually rebuffed, and they don’t want you to be in bad spirits. Leo loves to cheer people up. In fact, Leo will do anything to lift your mood because it hurts them to see the people they care about unhappy. Leo wants you smiling.
Leo is also capable of loving people, even if they can’t be with them romantically. Leo has the power to see the good in everyone, and can’t escape the qualities in others which are admirable. Even if it didn’t work out with you and your Leo, they probably still have some love for you.
Leo can be flaky at times because they just want to make everyone happy and hate to let people down. They are happiest when they have love to come home to.
Leo is looking for someone they can love and trust for a lifetime.
The secret is always reminding your Leo why they are great. Keep the relationship adventurous and spicy.
Leo wants to feel like they are living, but they also need to know that they are loved.
Ignoring the concerns of your Leo could be dangerous. Ensure that they are satisfied, as Leo doesn’t always communicate what is bothering them.
As it’s been said, Leo likes to make other people happy, but it is important that they make themselves happy in return. Sometimes Leo is so caught up in the bright lights that they mistake love for infatuation, try to understand where your love comes from. Figure out if it has the potential to be a healthy, long-lasting relationship, which is mutually validating.


Article:
by Tara Chloe Dusanj


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How To Get Out Of The ‘Talking Stage’ With Your Crush

How To Get Out Of The ‘Talking Stage’ With Your Crush

Meeting someone that you’re attracted to is always exciting. Novelty, in general, is exciting. And when novelty brings about the possibility of romance, we get especially excited.
The problem, however, is that not all of us are especially good at letting the person we fancy know that we’re interested.
It’s completely normal to be nervous about how to get your crush to like you. In fact, if you’re not nervous about that, then you probably don’t have the right chemistry to begin with. So if your hands are clammy and your stomach is in knots, take that as a good sign.

In general, crushes are interesting — the concept of a crush, I mean. I feel like the older you get, the less likely you are to have crushes. Then again, as someone who works remotely, I don’t have the same work experiences most people do. You guys have work crushes, right? I think that’s a thing. They seem to happen in shows and movies.
Or maybe you’re crushing on that barista at your local coffee shop. Or on the server at your favorite restaurant. Or on your favorite server at a restaurant you don’t especially like, but you go there just to see him or her. The relationship that you two have is one that most people only remember experiencing during adolescence.

The older you get, the more your dating habits — if you can call them that — change. Sure, some people date, but most (in my experience) do it for the sex. Which is why I find the idea of having a crush so fascinating. When you’re crushing, your goal isn’t to rip the other person’s clothes off. To be sure, the idea has certainly crossed your mind.

When you have a crush on someone, you are basing your interest on romance. This is incredibly interesting, because at such an early stage, you really don’t know the person. You feel like you two have a connection — like you were meant for each other. Only romantics crush, and when we crush, we tend to let our imaginations run wild — well past the line that separates reality and fantasy.

This is why crushes come and go so often — they aren’t based on something that is real; not yet, anyhow. However, what it does do is set the stage for a potentially beautiful relationship. Which is why I believe having crushes is actually good for the soul.

The problem, as I mentioned, is that people who have crushes usually don’t have it in them to make a move. We crush from a distance.
But if you want crushing to turn into loving, something needs to be done. You can’t hope that something happens on its own, because it won’t. Life doesn’t work that way. So how do you get out of the dreaded talking stage? You know, that lover’s purgatory that both comforts us and scares us? You grow a pair.

To get out of the talking stage, you have to let the person know that you’re interested, no matter how scary that may be. The truth is, the feelings may not be reciprocated. This person may not share your feelings. But that doesn’t matter; the fact is that you’ll never know until you know.
Life really is too short to not make a move on opportunities. So ask this person out on a date. Don’t beat around the bush; just do it. Worried about making a fool of yourself? Don’t be. Making a fool out of yourself for someone will probably only increase your chances of making your way into their heart.

What’s the worst that could happen? He or she turns you down? And then what? You think he or she will laugh behind your back? Tell everyone what a fool you are? Well, if that’s the kind of person he or she is, then you are a fool for having been interested in the first place.
But that almost certainly won’t happen. I have faith that you’re not an idiot and that you can tell the difference between a good person and a rotten apple. If that’s the case, then the worst that can happen is that you find out that your feelings aren’t being reciprocated. Then you can decide whether or not you want to spend time trying to convince this person that you’re worth loving (sometimes it is worth the trouble), or if you want to shift your focus onto the horizon and look out for someone else to love.

Whatever ends up happening, you make PROGRESS. You move through the natural stages of a relationship. And that’s what you’re after, isn’t it? You don’t always get what you want in life. Sometimes the thing or person you want most isn’t an option. When that’s the case, you need to look at your other options and keep moving. But in order to make any progress at all, you need to take a leap of faith and try your luck. If you don’t, you’ll only regret it. If you do, on the other hand, you may just win the lottery.

How To Get Out Of The ‘Talking Stage’ With Your Crush

Source from: http://elitedaily.com/dating/how-to-get-your-crush-to-like-you/1410433/


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3 Ways to Know You're Ready to Have Sex With Someone New

3 Ways to Know You're Ready to Have Sex With Someone New

Throw away the books of rules, and stop asking others for advice. It's time to learn how to turn toward yourself for the answers, as you are your own best dating and mating guide. 

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Article from  www.psychologytoday.com

Avoid The Perils Of Senior Online Dating

Finally, senior online dating has given us a real way of meeting potential life partners.

Forget joining the local aged veterans club, or the cookery course for the over 55 or Yoga for the mature age group.  Now you can join a website and within minutes have access to a group of individuals who are looking for partners and actually know who Bob Hope and John Wayne were.

Ok so that last comment was meant as a joke. But seriously mention online dating clubs to most people, of a certain age, and they automatically think you are trying to hook up with a twenty five year old. 

Senior online dating opens up a world of opportunity that generations before us couldn't dream of. Not only can you find someone who has the qualities you admire most but the fact that they are a member means that they are also looking for someone special.   


So how do you find your Mr or Mrs Right?  Well there is no "fail safe way" but it helps if you give the process a chance. Despite what the movies may say, less than a quarter of happily married women "knew" that the man they were dating was the "one" on the first couple of dates.  Love is like a delicate flower - it needs time and attention to mature to its full promise. So the moral of the story is that you should give a new friendship time to mature. Unless of course, you are obviously incompatible. 

Using an online service allows you to build up friendships via email or instant messenger before you have to talk to the person.  Often, probably due to the anonymity, we get closer quicker to people we have only met on email than we would if we meet them in person. 

When preparing for your first date, think about the first impression the other person is going to get. If it has been a while since you were out socially, you may be stuck in a time warp. I'm not suggesting you need to become a fashion victim but get a good friend to vet the outfit you choose; to double check the image you are projecting. Mutton dressed as lamb is never attractive for either sex!

Make sure that you stick to the following rules when using any dating service. Until you have complete trust in the other person i.e. have met in person and preferably more than once,

1) Communicate via the agencies internal secure email system. Do not give out your home or cell number, or your full name and address.

2) Always meet in a public place

3) Always, always have your own transport home. Get a friend, family member or have a taxi booked for a specific time to collect you.

Abide by these simple rules and you will have no problems avoiding the perils of senior online dating. Who knows, it could turn into an enjoyable way to spend an evening or two.

Or it may turn into a lifetime commitment for both of you.