Is it OK to ask for an expensive gift?

Is it OK to ask for an expensive gift?

My boyfriend of four months asked me whether I wanted to let him pick out my Christmas gift or whether I wanted to pick it out myself. I told him I trusted his taste and that he should get me whatever he wants. But the truth is, I'm really hoping that he'll get me jewellery. I think it's what boyfriends should get their girlfriends for Christmas. But I'm not sure if he thinks the same way. But how could I tell him that I want jewels? It's not the cheapest kind of gift. How can I drop subtle hints without seeming crass?
Laura
You've already blown your opportunity. If you really don't trust his taste, you shouldn't have told him you did. Now you want to manipulate him, right? It's fair to point out things you like in store windows and magazines and ask whether he thinks they're pretty too. Since this is a relatively new relationship, it's not really appropriate to expect costly jewels. You might want to reflect on what your expectations of this fellow are and whether they're realistic.
Why don't you give the guy a break and wait and see what happens? You might be pleasantly surprised. Remember that the only meaningful gifts we have to give are our time and attention. If they translate into jewels, great. But don't discard the attributes that give the relationship real value.

 Read more on Is it OK to ask for an expensive gift?
Or more 

So You Met A Girl? 9 Ways To Turn Your Texts Into A Date

The great thing about texting is that you can think it through and hide your emotions. Unlike in a conversation, when you don’t have much time to prepare an answer and the tone of your voice might betray your lack of confidence, texting gives you a great advantage. I see it as a fantastic tool to set up meetings and dates quickly.
In this article, I’m going to go over the best ways to get her to reply to your texts and make sure she shows up at that meeting.

1. Text her the same night of your approach.

The three-day rule is gone; get with the program. Waiting three days is more detrimental than beneficial because your first impression has already faded, and the girl probably settled on other plans with some other guy who approached her the same night you did.
I believe it’s great to text her right when or immediately after she gives you her number (while you’re still talking or just after you leave). This way, she’ll have your phone number, and you won’t have to do much explaining when you text her the next time.
Besides, you’ll make a better impression by texting her something cute right away. You can prepare some generic texts or, even better, you can make up one that is directly connected to the conversation you had.
Also, by texting her on the approach night, it will enable you to establish a connection in texting. This means she can also text you the following day and/or she’ll be more open to replying to your texts.

2. Be personal.

When sending the first text, always refer to something that has already been discussed. Something you already know about her, something you both talked about and connected over.
For instance, if she mentioned she has a pet, you can say “Say hello to Rover for me!” If you found a point of interest, cling to it: “Glad to know there’s somebody left in the world I can play chess with.”
Also, by mentioning her name (WHICH YOU SHOULD), you personalize the message and make it friendlier.

3. Text with a purpose.

If you got a solid phone number (namely if you talked for a while the previous night, and she seemed interested in getting to know you better), you could aim for a text date the following day.
Aim your texting at building trust if she looked suspicious about your approach.
If she somehow seemed to lack interest, your text should try to be funny and flirty.

4. Override the conversation.

In texts, you can be bolder than in direct conversation. So, make use of this advantage to show off self-confidence and to intrigue her.
When aiming for a date, don’t ask her if she’s available, but rather text “You and me…pasta tonight. Italian restaurant. George Street. At 8 pm.” If she doesn’t answer back in the next couple of hours just send a “?”
If she still fails to reply, text her (again after a couple of hours) saying something like:
“No problem if you can’t make it. My neighbor never gets tired of pasta.”
If she likes you even a little, she’ll start wondering whether your neighbor is a “she” or a “he.” She might just text you back to find out.
Besides, often times, just assuming the fact that her lack of replies is a rejection will make her text back. There’s something about women that makes them want to have “the last word” in everything, so she’ll text you back in some way.

5. Be decisive, and never give her the chance to change her mind.

Whether she already agreed to a date and you just want to double-check if it’s still on or you assume she’ll come (by the solid approach you had), yet she failed to give you a positive clear reply — you can text her to get that confirmation.
“I had an extra busy day. Did I say eight or nine tonight? Nine works better for me. Is that OK?”

6. Timing means a lot.

First, you need to text her pretty soon after your encounter — the same night, the following day — and you also need to have a date scheduled in the same week. Delaying texting or prolonging it will, in most cases, lead to boredom and rejection. Every beginning has its excitement; make sure you exploit it.
Secondly, don’t text her when you know or suppose she’s busy. Your text will not only bother her, but she’s also less likely to reply. If you don’t know her schedule, consider texting in the evening.
Another great idea is to ASK her, when getting the number, when a convenient time would be for a text. I often do this, then stick to that moment she agreed upon and send the first text. She basically has to reply because she told you she will in the first place.
Third (and also very important), don’t text her incessantly. Wait for a while to reply to her texts, and consider a couple of hours break between your own messages. Even when she seems excited about your texting, let her “boil” a little before sending another one. This will make her even more willing to hear from you and to meet you.
And, especially when she takes a lot of time in replying, do the same. I sometimes even go so far as waiting two days to text back. But I don’t care as much about one particular girl so this may not be as great for you.

7. Be short and give her something to look for.

A 100-word text is inevitably dull and hard to grasp. Stick to the point, and make it exciting.
If she said she likes pasta, the Italian place is great. If she mentioned a type of music she likes, ask her out in a venue that plays it.
Also, it is great if you manage to keep some mystery about you. Girls are extremely curious, so a great text option is to only hint at the place you’re taking out. When your approach was solid and you already built a level of trust you can write:
“I’ve got a nice surprise for you tonight. Meet me in front of X at 8 pm…Can’t tell you the place we’re going, but be sure to bring your dance shoes/a great appetite.”

8. How to push for an answer.

When the girl gives you no reply in about five hours, the worst thing you can do is to send her something in the lines of: “Why aren’t you answering??? I can see you read my messages,” “WTF is going on? Is it so hard for you to send a text back?”
A much more effective text is something like:
“I see that you’re busy. No worries, text me when you’ve got the time.”
In this way, you’ll show you are polite, far from needy and altogether a manly man. What’s more, she’ll believe you gave up on her. And even if she doesn’t like you that much (for now), she’ll most likely text you back just to see if she can turn you around, unknowing that you’re actually doing it on her.

9. Check your spelling.

It may seem obvious but, spelling is paramount in getting her to answer back. If you send her a text like”Gr8 2 meet U” or “Greed to meat you” (a little exaggerated, but you get the point) — the only message you’re going to convey is that you’re unlettered.
Stop attributing your grammatical errors to your phone’s thesaurus, and double check your texts to avoid making a fool of yourself. Besides, although you might think that symbols, abbreviations and smiley faces are cool, believe me, they are not when they’re overused. Don’t make your text an indecipherable pun; stay simple and neat.
There you have it, a quick and easy guide that you can follow in order to get her to reply to your texts.


Original Post from by Kyle C.  So You Met A Girl? 9 Ways To Turn Your Texts Into A Date

Establishing Online Dating Relationships: Safety First

Online dating can be fun. But don't neglect safety and common sense when you try to hook up with a mate. At minimum, take caution in the following areas.

Protect Your Computer

Take care of your equipment and systems before you head out into the Internet realm. You need to have a firewall and anti-virus protection for your email and for when you search websites and interact online. At the bare minimum, you may want these two solutions that are offered at no charge to home computer users (i.e. not for commercial use):

Free Firewall Download: ZoneAlarm www.zonelabs.com
Free Anti-Virus Download: AVG Anti-Virus www.grisoft.com

Protect Yourself

Take care of yourself, too, by choosing appropriate dating sites. Seek and choose a reputable online dating service.  How? Begin by asking around with friends, neighbors, co-workers and others you may know who have tried online dating, and see which places they recommend. In addition, search 搊nline dating services?and keep a notebook of their URLs or website links, the fees, rules and regulations, complete contact information of each and any other useful information that spikes your interest. Then compare each place.  Try only those places where you feel safe. Avoid the others.

So take care. Arm your computer ?and yourself- with the correct tools and knowledge!

5 Easy Body Language Tricks To Spark Attraction On A First Date

Body language is an essential ingredient of attraction. In fact, some studies have shown that 55 percent of our communication is done through body language alone.
When it comes to dating, sending out the wrong body language signals can scare off a potential mate, especially on a first date.
On the other hand, great body language can give you a boost in confidence and help you create instant attraction and deep rapport with your future lover.
Here’s some of the easiest and most effective body language tips and tricks to help you instantly spark attraction on your next date:

1. Mirroring

People are social, tribal beings. We relax when we feel we are among those who are like us. Mirroring a person’s body language is a way we instinctually and naturally build a rapport with others, and it is often done unconsciously.
By mirroring — essentially reflecting — your date’s postures, gestures, sitting positions, tone of voice and/or talking pace, you can help to quickly build a rapport, trust and connection. By mirroring, your date may feel more at ease, comfortable and understood, as long as you don’t make it too obvious.

2. Create Space On A High Note

This one may seem counter-intuitive, but it works like a charm.  The fact is, when we feel attracted to someone, we consciously or unconsciously try to move closer to them because their presence feels good to us.
Here’s the trick: When you’ve hit a “high note” in the interaction, for example you’re both laughing at a joke, take a slight step backward or lean back in your seat to create more space between you and your date.
Your date will unconsciously sense the space you just created and will  (consciously or unconsciously) want to move closer to you. This will create a bit of a chase dynamic, and increase their attraction to you.

3. Don’t Cross Your Arms

Arms crossed in front of the chest is a universal signal that the person is not comfortable with the given situation. It’s an unconscious attempt to block out what we perceive as a threat, and protect our vital organs from being injured. Keep your eyes open, and you’ll see it everywhere. You’ll see it in elevators, cafeteria lines or anywhere where people feel uncertain or insecure.
To your date, crossed arms can communicate nervousness, negativity and defensiveness. To them, it will feel like a shield. Instead, rest your arms at your sides or, if seated, rest your hands in your lap or on the table. This will make you seem much more open and friendly.

4. Show Your Hands

We love seeing people’s hands. Studies have shown that when we aren’t able to see another person’s hands, we have more trouble trusting them. We’re naturally on edge. This is a relic of our dangerous, ancient past.
Whenever primitive tribes met, they would hold their arms out with their palms exposed to show that no weapons were being held or concealed. This is where the custom of shaking hands comes from.
By showing your hands, especially showing open palms, you are subconsciously communicating to your date that you are open, and that they can be open with you. This will increase your attractiveness, and help to make them feel more comfortable around you.

5. Don’t Hunch Your Shoulders

Nerves and stress create tension in our bodies that often show up in our shoulders and neck area. Hunched shoulders during a date can communicate nervousness and discomfort, which may cause your date to start feeling the same way.
By keeping your shoulders relaxed, you will appear more cool and confident, making you more attractive. Before your date, do some shoulder rolls or massage your shoulder muscles to help relive any tension
The common thread when it comes to body language is not merely to project confidence, but also to relax and project relaxation and comfort. So the next time you’re on a date, remember these helpful tips so you and your date can get to know each other in an open, comfortable way.


Post from: 5 Easy Body Language Tricks To Spark Attraction On A First Date

More on Senior singles dating.

Predicting The Future Of Your Relationship

by Stephen Hussey


I was intrigued to read this recent New York Times article on the “13 Questions To Ask Before Getting Married”.

The idea of the piece is that we should be willing to have more of the difficult discussions with our partner long before we ever decide to marry them. Too many people leave these problems to arise after they’ve already made a lifelong commitment.
In the words of Robert Scuka, (as quoted in the article), “If you don’t deal with an issue before marriage, you deal with it while you’re married”.

The questions themselves cover everything from “Would you change our kids’ diapers?” to “How would we celebrate religious holidays?”, and “What’s the most you’d be willing to spend on a car?”
Kids, religion, money – basically, all the big stuff then.
One would hope these discussions come up naturally in the course of a relationship, but it seems a lot of us find it awkward to approach such topics, presumably for fear that they may reveal fundamental differences that we have to work through with our partner. It can be scary to discover that the one we love wants different things: Maybe they’re more dependent than we are and can’t stand time apart, or they’re less interested in sex, or they have no interest in travelling around the world with us in 10 years time.

But ignorance of these differences is not bliss. It’s a massive bout of pain waiting to happen later down the line. 

Finding Your “Marriage Deal breakers”

Reading the article, I found myself most surprised by the fact that I had a few deal breakers I didn’t really think about.
Whilst I’m flexible on certain matters (e.g. how much my partner and I share our money, whether or not I like my spouse’s parents), I felt much more rigid on others. For example, Question 7 – “Can You Deal With My Doing Things Without You?”, made me recognize just how much I crave a level of independence within any relationship, and Question 6 – “What’s The Most You’d Be Willing To Spend On A Car, A Couch, Shoes?” made me realize that I probably wouldn’t work well at all with a materialistic woman, given my general lack of interest in Ferraris and high-end home furniture (though if you’re offering…)
Then there were the other obvious topics, like Sex and Family. e.g. “Question 9 – How Important Is Sex To You?” (crucial for future compatibility), or “Question 2 – Will We Have Children?” (probably pretty important to be on the same page here).
The point of the article isn’t to dictate what your personal standards should be. Rather, it’s saying: you must communicate them.
For instance, Question 10 – “How far should we take flirting with other people? Is watching pornography O.K.?” is one for which I imagine every couple has it’s own set of rules (or lack of them). No-one is right either way, it’s whatever works for both people. But the lesson is to make sure you know what works for your partner before it’s too late.
So here are my discussion questions:
• What would you add/subtract to the list? (I was personally surprised the question “Where do you see us living together?” didn’t come up, which I would class as pretty important.)
• What are your top 3 dealbreakers from the list in the article?
• When is the best time to have these “big” conversations about the future?
Let me know in the comments below!


The post Predicting The Future Of Your Relationship appeared first on Get The Guy.


Read more about dating

Dating Tips For Women Of All Ages

I can’t tell you how many women have asked me the same question: “Why do I only seem to EVER meet guys that are completely the wrong age for me?”
Or to put it more simply (as one client asked me): “Where are all the great, single, 40-year old men hiding??”
Like it or not, we all know that age is a factor in dating. But so many people waste years moaning about where they are in life (I’m too old, I’m too young…) instead of doing something about it.

Often it’s not about age at all. We use that as our crutch, when really, if we’re truly honest with ourselves, maybe we just aren’t being pro-active enough right now and investing in the CRUCIAL STRATEGIES that would bring us closer to finding love.
So in this video, I’m sharing some down-to-earth, PRACTICAL tips for finding a guy no matter what age you are.

Get your copy of the 59 Secret Scripts to use with men…

The post Dating Tips For Women Of All Ages appeared first on Get The Guy.


Visit here for senior dating online.

This Quiz Will Tell You If The Person You’re Dating Is The One

This Quiz Will Tell You If The Person You're Dating Is The One

 

Most people know what it's like to date the wrong person. It could be because your ex was a straight assh*le or maybe the person you thought was “the one” ended up hooking up with your best friend’s cousin’s landlord.
It’s never right to be in the wrong relationship.
But how do you know? Dating isn’t always easy, but this quiz might just clue you in.


Read more for  This Quiz Will Tell You If The Person You’re Dating Is The One here.


 Read more for online dating.

3 Things To Remember If You’re Wondering How Much To Reveal On A First Date

by Lynzie Goehring

We all have our own baggage — skeletons, if you will — and navigating these imperfections in the tricky waters of dating is tough. Take me, for example. I have emotional scars from the abortion I wish I wouldn’t have had (but sometimes am very glad I did have) a few years ago. I have anxiety now and again, and am prescribed medicine to take when I need to just chill out.
My family life is not perfect. I’m 27, and although I have a full-time career that I love, I struggle with money and keeping myself afloat. So, do I spill these closet skeletal beans to him on the first date? Do I lay it all out on the table? Or do I feed it to him slowly, bite by bite, letting him in on another “not so pretty” fact about my life during each new Netflix and chill session?
Or do I avoid it altogether? Do I wait until we have gotten passed the awkward “getting to know each other” phase to confide in him my innermost demons?
Well, my lovelies, I can tell you from experience there is no right answer to this. But there are some guidelines I believe can help answer this question:

1. Honesty is the best policy.

We’ve all heard this one before. This doesn’t mean you have to say, “Hi, my name is Lynzie, and I had an abortion,” the second you meet someone.
What it means is, if these deeper topics come up in conversation, whether it’s the first date, or two months into the relationship, be honest. You never know what this thing you have will turn into. And if it does turn into something, you will regret not telling the truth when he asked you the first time. Trust me.

2. We all have baggage.

Believe it or not, your date has baggage, too. And maybe it’s just as heavy as yours. I asked several men about this while writing this article, and their responses were all the same: They have baggage.
They have issues they’re afraid of putting on the table, just like us. So rather than being hard on yourself and assuming you have more baggage than him, think of yourself as equals. We all have our own problems. And who knows, he might even have more skeletons in his closet than you do.

3. Don’t judge.

Would you want him to judge you for your past? Would you want him to judge you on current issues you’re going through? No, you wouldn’t. 
So when he finally opens up to you, whether its after you’ve told him your innermost secrets, or out of the clear blue sky, be understanding and compassionate. Because in reality, we are all just trying to make it through this life and deal with our own problems in the best way we know how.
Being judged, or judging someone else, just complicates things and hurts your partner, and eventually yourself. When you’re transparent with others, nine times out of 10 they’re transparent right back with you. This I have learned from experience, and it has been proven to me time and time again. So, listen, be patient and be kind. Because one day, you will be telling him (or someone new) your own problems, and you’ll want to feel acceptance, understanding and compassion.
There is a quote I heard recently that says, “If we all put our problems into a big pile, once we saw everyone else’s, we would take ours back.” I believe this is true. We all have skeletons in our closets. You have them, and so do I. He has them, and so does she. It’s the way we handle these issues — the way we move forward with our dignity in tact and our hearts not jaded, the way we respond to others when they share their darkest secrets with us — that really define how we handle our skeletons.
In a world full of people who are quick to judge, and are dishonest about their own past in the spirit of “being more attractive,” be the person who is compassionate, honest and caring, despite what you have been through. Let your skeletons make you more beautiful and compassionate, rather than cold and judgmental. Because in reality, is it not what we have in our closet that dresses us each day?

Article from:
3 Things To Remember If You’re Wondering How Much To Reveal On A First Date
 

 Click here to meet senior singles.

 

 

 

 

5 Ways To Run A Background Check On Your Tinder Date Without Being Creepy AF

by Katie Mathe

Internet dating is here, and it’s not going anywhere. People do everything else online, so it makes sense to start new relationships there, too. In fact, there are a lot of benefits to online dating. It’s a bit easier to sift through the rejects and find the diamond.
But just like old-school dating, Internet dating is scary. It’s all compounded by the fact that it’s hard to believe most of what you see on someone’s profile. Basically, unless you’ve known him or her for years, you have no idea what you’re getting into.
Thus, running a short background check on your date is not only not creepy, but it also keeps you safe. Background checks are a good thing for personal safety. They also prevent you from having a two-year online relationship with your best friend’s baby daddy, all while you’re under the impression that he’s a semi-famous recording artist. You know, like on MTV’s “Catfish.”
Here’s how to perform a background check on your date without becoming a grade-A stalker yourself:

1. Verify your date’s identity.

Lying about yourself (or about other people) online is really easy. It’s not even about the kind of music you like, or whether or not you’re actually vegan. If your primary interaction is through Tinder, it’s pretty easy to set up a fake email, change your name and create a whole new identify for yourself in about five minutes.
A background check helps you know that the person you’re talking to is who he or she says he or she is. It will also bring up any huge red flags, such as a sex offender registration or an undisclosed marriage.
Sure, it is romantic to fall in love on a whim. But, it’s more romantic to know you’re not about to become part of the worst Tinder horror stories of all time.

2. Match your date’s social media.

Social media is a secondary background check, primarily because it is still the Internet, and people are still lying. But if you’ve done a background check already, or you’re just not ready to go there yet, don’t be afraid to Google him or her.
Look through his or her Facebook, Instagram or Twitter feeds. Better yet, check out the search hit with his or her LinkedIn profile. Just don’t click on the link, or the mission will be compromised. LinkedIn reports profile views.
Use the basic information you’ve found to verify that the person you’re talking to is real and has friends. But don’t rely on it too heavily. Not everyone is smart enough to create corresponding fake accounts to match his or her fake Tinder account, but the really crazy people are.

3. Have a back-up plan.

Don’t get comfortable before you meet your date. Even if you’ve done a few checks and he or she has come back clean, don’t put yourself in a vulnerable situation that has no way out. Set up a back-up plan to deal with a date that’s gone wrong. Tell someone you trust where you’re going, and have him or her check in on you. Ask him or her call you mid-way through the date, so you have an excuse to text back a progress report.
More importantly, don’t ask someone who is at work or lives an hour away. Make sure this person is ready and waiting, in case you need to send out an SOS.
A great way to keep your friends in the loop is to send over your GPS location. There are a few tricks that you can use to share your exact, real-time location with a trusted circle of contacts.
It’s not totally essential if you’re heading to Chipotle. But in the event that you choose to go somewhere more intimate, these details can help your friends rescue you.

4. Own up to your sleuthing.

Protecting yourself from Internet creepers or real-life criminals is not creepy. However, pretending that you didn’t do it is.
If someone asks you if you looked him or her up before your date, own up to it proudly. It shows you have enough common sense and self-respect to protect yourself from a potentially dangerous situation.

5. Don’t violate your date’s privacy.

You have to do what you have to do to protect yourself, but don’t violate your date’s privacy to do so. A background check is cool, and looking people up on the Internet is a standard practice. But don’t get weird about it.
Don’t get ahold of his or her phone number. Don’t call him or her, pretending to be someone else. Don’t casually stalk his or her known hangouts to watch him or her interact with people. Don’t befriend his or her friends to learn more about him or her.
Security is important, but everyone is entitled to some self-respect. Plus, if your initial checks indicate that the person has a wife or kids, you don’t want to go out with him or her anyway. There’s just no excuse for going that far.
Whether you’re on Tinder for a one-night thing, a long-term thing or something in between, you should remain vigilant. It’s the right thing to do for you, and it helps keep the whole online community stay safe.


 Article by Katie Mathe
5 Ways To Run A Background Check On Your Tinder Date Without Being Creepy AF
 

Click here for Senior Dating.

Why Waiting Until You’re Older To Settle Down Could Set You Up For Failure

On a recent Friday night, I found myself on a date with a guy I have known for about a year. As I sat across from him, relaxed and chatting vigorously between sips of the beer we had both happily agreed on (Does that mean true love?) we quickly landed on the topic of dating.

We were like-minded people, both deeply rooted in the pursuit of our careers and narrowly focused on the path to that success. As he detailed his recent dating experiences and stressed how difficult it was to find someone who could embrace his schedule, I found myself readily nodding along. “He gets it,” I silently mused.

“The thing is, I don’t have a void to fill. I have amazing friends and I love what I do for work. I’m happy. So I don’t feel like I’m searching. I know what I need in someone for it to work, but I don’t feel the pressure to force a fit that isn’t there, you know?”

As soon as he said those words, I was brought back to a conversation I had had with someone’s older relative a few months ago. She had asked me if I was dating anyone. I replied, “Not really. I’ve been on some dates, but nothing too exciting.”
She chuckled and shook her head. “Dating was so different in my day.”
I asked her what she meant, and she gifted me with some insight that — in the midst of my own “20-something path to understanding where I am at” mindset — provided a bit of perspective. She explained that when she met her husband, they were each other’s firsts. They met and fell in love at a young age (which was the norm). They grew up together, literally and figuratively.

Of course, today, we scoff at the idea of putting a label on it too soon, moving in with someone hastily or getting married too young. For us, it’s usually more of a waiting game.

Hell, every time I see a new engagement notice pop up on my newsfeed that involves anyone below the age of 25, I visibly cringe. But before, this was embraced. Your partner wasn’t seen as a risk to your future or as a distraction. He or she was your support. He or she was there to help you create your future.
Of course, everything she detailed wasn’t a page out of “The Notebook,” by any means. She admitted there were no shortage of trials or tribulations to endure. But they leaned on each other to get through them.

School, marriage, work, financial troubles, family disputes: These things brought them together, instead of tearing them apart. They learned to need each other. The difference now is, the majority of Millennials are hell-bent on paving their own, independent paths before they even consider joining their lives with another. We don’t want to need anyone. Or at least, not until the last possible second.
This is great, actually. This is everything I preach and everything I believe in. Don’t rush. Don’t create voids that need to be filled by another. Don’t force it.
Focus on yourself, your personal happiness and your career. The rest will naturally follow suit. University, master’s degrees, wanderlust, passions and careers: These are all things that often take precedent to the relationships we consider. We recognize the importance of satisfying these elements of our lives first, before incorporating someone else into the picture.

The thing is, though, we are creating our lives and then trying to make them fit with another’s so far down the rabbit hole, so to speak. In the past, you likely grew up with your partner and passed through the early tests of life with him or her. You learned about each other in the process, and were surrounded by the life you created together.

Today, we trudge through university, ship off to other parts of the world, throw ourselves into demanding careers and become accustomed to a life of prioritizing ourselves first. This isn’t a bad thing, but I can now see how it makes it harder for us to find a fit with someone else.

Sure, we meet people. We date and we go through the motions. But when the honeymoon feelings fade and the relationship is put to the test, it is so much easier to cut our losses and walk away. We have our own lives to fall back on.
We were fine before this person came around, and there are plenty of other options at the tips of our fingers, right? There was someone before, and there will be someone after. Our lives are constantly saturated with choices and distractions. This makes vulnerability seem more and more like an unnecessary expenditure.
I’m the walking embodiment of this practice. I’m 22 years old, and I wear my independence like a badge on my chest. I work three jobs. I’m in the office from 8 am to 4 pm. I do my content work from home, and then, I bartend. I also have to make time for my dog, my friends, cooking, going to the gym and sleeping: You know, human things.

I consider my desire to be busy and motivated a necessary part of who I am. It’s what makes me a passionate, success-hungry Millennial, right? This is how we have to operate to get ahead.

I’m not alone here. Every day, I meet more people who take on as much as they can to pursue their own individual happiness. This is amazing. But admittedly, this is also a tough breed of person to date.

Are we closing ourselves off to the possibility of slow-burning, long-developed love? Are we just hoping that someone will come along and fit perfectly with every commitment, tendency and mindset we’ve formed throughout our 20s and 30s?
In theory, we know exactly what we want. But are we really open to it? Can we put it into practice? Or are we looking for the quick spark, the “perfect on paper?” Then, do we check out when we sense some impending disconnect?
After all, Tinder dates and hookups are easy and quick cycles of instant gratification, riding on the process of efficient elimination. Working through the initial, ongoing hurdles of long-term love, however, is not so easy or quick.

“It’s no wonder there are so many breakups now. You guys have so much going on. Everything is about meeting demands and the next best thing, and you have so many reasons to look elsewhere. You’re always looking elsewhere. If things don’t work out, you go back to your separate lives and try again with someone else. That just wasn’t how it worked for us. There was no going back. There was only moving forward together.”

I may not be ready to consider marriage before I’m at least 30, and I may reject most traditional concepts of love and courtship. But I think she makes an interesting point.

Maybe it doesn’t have to be one extreme or another. Maybe it’s about finding a balance between the two.
Maybe it’s worth it to take an introspective look at how we really examine our romantic intentions as Millennials, and ask ourselves if we are leading lifestyles that are conducive to love.

We don’t have to do this, of course. But I think it’s worth thinking about.


Article from:
Why Waiting Until You’re Older To Settle Down Could Set You Up For Failure

Visit here to Meat Senior Singles.

How to get back into the dating game after a long term relationship

Being newly single does not have to be a time of isolation and loneliness.

Get over your ex and get with someone new

Being single for the first time in a long while is both scary and exciting. Here is your guide to getting back into the dating game successfully after the demise of your LTR.
No doubt you have heard all of the advice on working on yourself. It is only human to stack on the pounds when in a secure relationship. Make yourself as attractive as can be, by working on your body, improving your fashion sense, and pursuing your interests with passion and drive. Working on yourself does not mean you have to take time away from the dating scene, however. These tips will help you attract women as a newly single guy.
Go out with your single friends
You may have let certain friendships lapse while you were coupled up. There was no reason to go out with the boys every weekend, when at that point in your life you would rather have a cosy night in. Your new single status is the perfect excuse to catch up with old friends. Get a group together and go out. Make it a regular occasion. Say “yes” to as many social events as you can, as you never know when you will meet someone you click with. If the majority of your friends are happily in relationships, you may also need to make new friends who are interested in going out to bars.
Install Tinder
You have emerged from your long-term relationship cocoon to find that internet dating is no longer looked down upon. In fact, everyone is doing it. The fickle nature of Tinder is not for everyone, but it is worth a try at least. You may meet someone special, and you will have plenty of fun in the meantime. Tinder can also be a great confidence booster as well as a way to hone your texting game.
Be open-minded
Go on dates with women who would not be your usual type. Do not discount someone as a romantic interest just because she is into different music. You may think you know what you are looking for, but do you really? Going on plenty of dates will not only be an enjoyable experience, but it will also help you distil what you are really looking for in a partner. Don’t just go for girls who are similar to your ex because that is what you are used to.
Avoid being a desperado
Being desperate for a woman’s affection is a major turn-off. Many newly single guys think they should be pursuing every female organism within a one mile radius, and will only talk to women with the intent of pursuing things further. Avoid giving off this desperate vibe but not having huge expectations. Talk to women just for the sake of chatting, and you will find that some are interested in you while others are not. This is far more productive than hitting on every woman you see, which is off-putting to the targets of your affection.


Read more here. 
From TSB Magazine by Natasha Abrahams

How to Handle Being “Just Friends”

One of the biggest myths in dating – and one I can’t stand – is the idea that men and women can’t be just friends. In its own way, it’s perversely fascinating because it’s very much a Straight People Problem. The idea that sex will inevitably come between two people doesn’t seem to be an issue when it’s two gay men or two gay women… and then of course, the idea that bi and pansexual people can’t be friends with anyone. But put a straight man and woman together and the general assumption is that somehow sex will inevitably rear its head and make platonic intimacy impossible.

“Oh come on, how is that NOT a one-way ticket to Boner Town?”

As tempting as it is to just make jokes and quote When Harry Met Sally, the idea that men and women can’t be just friends is actually shockingly toxic to men. Men already have a hard enough time fostering emotionally intimate friendships with other men; when we also accept that platonic intimacy with women can’t exist, we isolate ourselves even further. As a result: we find ourselves even lonelier than before, even when we’re surrounded by friends and familes.
As part of an ongoing series on helping men be more emotionally intelligent, we’re going to pick apart some of the barriers to cross-gender platonic intimacy and talk about how to learn to be able to be just friends with women… and how this can make us better, healthier men.

Believing the Worst About Ourselves (And Acting Accordingly)

The problems with men and women trying to be just friends is actually surprisingly complicated… for men. Women have much less of an issue of compartmentalizing attraction from intimacy. In fact, a study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, suggested that while women were capable of keeping things platonic, men tended to have a harder time with the idea. But far from being a case of biology being destiny, this is a confluence of issues for men ranging from ideas surrounding male sexuality, to gender relations and emotional intelligence.
And one of the biggest issues when it comes to the idea that men and women can’t be just friends is that it’s predicated on men believing the worst about themselves.
One of the oldest and hoariest tropes surrounding male sexuality is that all men are inherently horny beasts and are powerless before our penises. Because our sex drives are so all-encompassing, we are unable to compartmentalize sex from every other aspect of our lives. In fact, our lives are focused around getting our penises into as many holes as possible over the course of our lifetime. This, of course, means that no matter what our conscious minds might wish to believe, ultimately our cocks have the final say in just about everything in our lives.

“Sorry I was trying to listen to your plan for my financial future but… booooooobs….”

This is part and parcel of some of the bizarre contradictions surrounding toxic masculine ideals – that being a man means being at the mercy of our id. We can’t relate to women as individuals or as anything other than potential fuck-holes because we’re too immature to be able to control ourselves. By default, any interaction with someone of the opposite sex¹ that we’re not related to is prelude to our trying to sleep with them. Of course, not only does this mean that not only can we not trust women, but we can’t trust men either. After all, if men are powerless before their penises and can ultimately only interact with women as a prelude to sex, it means that the men in your life are all waiting to betray you. By definition, every man you spend time with is simply waiting for the opportunity to bang your girlfriend or wife and will do so as soon as your back is turned. In fact, the JSPR study validates this: men were as likely to desire to date their “taken” female friends as their single ones.
Now to be sure, there are people who will talk about things like “bro code” keeping their friends from crossing those lines, and perhaps they even believe it to an extent. But at its core, believing that men and women only interact on a sexual level only serves to isolate men further; sex keeps men from being genuine with women and by extension, in competition with all other men. Who, then, can guys turn to for their emotional health? They’ve cut themselves off from all forms of social support, unable to trust anybody beyond the most surface level.
And while we’re talking about an inability to trust…

Friends Under False Pretenses

This idea that sex gets in the way of all cross-gender friendships leads to, among other things, women being unable trust men. One of the issues brought up in the JSPR study and related follow-up is the number of men who treat a cross-gender friendship as an opportunity for sex or a romantic relationship. For many men, being “friends” with a woman is simply the pretext to hang around in order to get into their pants.

“It’s taken me ten years to get here. Just a little while longer…”

This behavior serves to further isolate men, not just from friendships but potentially from romantic or sexual relationships as well. Because so many women have been betrayed like this, they’re naturally more guarded and less trusting of guys, even ones who have legitimate intentions. While not every guy does this² , the fact that almost every woman has a story of someone who was pretending to be her friend in order to get laid means that they’re left having to assume ulterior motives.
However, the idea that sex and friendship are mutually incompatible is also part of what leads to men thinking of friendship as a consolation prize for sex – devaluing both sex and friendship at the same time. It treats the offer of a legitimate emotional connection as a sort of “fuck you, you’re not good enough for me,” rather than someone³ trying to show that yes, they do value having you in their lives. This belief is, in no small part, part of how men are taught to believe that The Friend Zone is something that’s done to them – a cruel trick, or a way to keep men dancing in attendance to satisfy a woman’s emotional needs until a “real” man comes along.
Hell, for some, the idea that women would offer friendship is inherently insulting.
This is the trap in treating male/female friendship as “just friends” – the implication is that being a friend is inherently lesser in terms of intimacy or importance in another’s life if sex is not involved.
Except sexual attraction and friendship aren’t and don’t need to be mutually exclusive…

The False Dichotomy of Sex and Friendship

The generally accepted meme – as codified by When Harry Met Sally is that men can’t be friends with women they’re attracted to because sex inevitably gets in the way.
The part that goes unmentioned is how sex and sexual attraction get in the way. After all, if you’re dating somebody, you presumably have an emotional connection as well; it’s difficult to keep up a relationship with someone you can’t stand. Sex, somehow, doesn’t get in the way of friendship in that context. Is it because women don’t trust someone who’s attracted to them? Or perhaps because a man who’s attracted to a woman can’t act honestly around her as he tries to get her into bed? Then the problem isn’t sex, it’s the lying. Is it because the man will automatically attempt to court and bed her and this will drive them apart? Then the problem isn’t sex, it’s the behavior, making it a boundary issue. Is it because sex would “ruin” the friendship? Then the problem isn’t sex, it’s the two individuals involved and how they relate to sex. Is it because a man doesn’t or won’t respect someone who lets him sleep with her? Then the problem is that he’s an asshole.
(Notice how the issue is the man’s behavior? That’s in no small part because we as a culture seem to accept that it’s the man’s view of the relationship that decides whether it’s platonic or romantic…)
At its core, the idea that sex and friendship are mutually exclusive seems to come down to two issues. The first is that the two can’t exist simultaneously; the fact that you’re sexually attracted to someone means that what you feel isn’t friendship. The second is that attraction must be fulfilled, that an erection is a call to action.
In the former, part of the problem seems to revolve around our concepts of love and desire. We tend to only believe in two kinds of love: the sexless love for family and the love we reserve for our partners. Because we may not be interested in dating our friends, it means that by default, that love must be sexless. If sexual desire is involved then it can’t be friendship. At the same time however, we’re perfectly capable of being sexually attracted to people we don’t like; hell, sometimes we’re attracted to people we actively loathe. If sex can exist independently of wanting to date or marry someone (or even liking them) then it can’t contradict friendship.
In the latter, the problem is the idea that attraction is something that must be pursued and that the pursuit somehow conflicts with being friends. The problem here is the assumption that attraction is automatically the only impulse we can’t control. We all have impulses and ideas that we don’t act on, all the damn time. After all, if we responded to every stray emotion or thought we had,  I-35 would look like something out of George Miller’s wet dream.

“Meanwhile, commuters are advised to avoid the 35/290 interchange due to heavy War Boy activity as drivers are looking to die historic on the Fury Road.”

Part of being a grown-ass adult is learning how to handle our feelings. The fact that we’re attracted to somebody doesn’t necessarily require that we’re going to pursue it. For that matter it doesn’t even need to be brought up. It’s entirely possible to be just friends with someone without telling them that oh, by the way, you want to see them naked. It’s possible to let attraction just be, rather than making it somebody else’s issue. In fact, that refusal to not pursue it and treat every woman as a potential sex partner gets in the way of men’s emotional health.

The Emotional Benefits To Being Just Friends

While it’s difficult to talk about the benefits to being friends with someone without making friendship sound mercenary, pursuing a platonic friendship with women has benefits overall. Developing, accepting and maintaining a platonic friendship with women helps men learn to grow, socially and emotionally.
For example: one of the interesting findings of the JSPR study was that men tended to regularly overestimate their female friends’ interest in them.

“Oh yeah. She wants me. Just gagging for it.”

To a certain extent, it’s understandable that some men might confuse platonic affection for attraction. Women, in general, tend to be more emotionally and physically demonstrative with their friends, being more willing to open up, share secrets and generally show appreciation for their friends. Men, on the other hand, are socialized to be more closed off and keep things inside. When any demonstration of affection or intimacy is rare or unusual, it’s not surprising that guys may confuse something as simple as a friendly hug as a neon sign reading “She wants the D”. Being just friends can, among other things, help men learn to differentiate between signs of friendliness vs. signs of sexual interest and attraction. By being exposed to more forms of intimacy and affection – beyond the assumption that all cross-gender interactions are inherently sexual – it’s possible to learn to be both more demonstrative and able to accept that affection.
Having more female friends can help you improve your social calibration. Understanding women, listening to them – really listening to them, instead of trying to explain their own lived experiences to them – can help you learn how to relate better to others. By paying attention and listening to what women have to say, you’ll start to learn. Even learning to recognize how the way you say something can come across as patronizing or insulting when you don’t mean it to can help improve your ability to read social situations and respond.
But outside of practical issues, being friends with women is healthier for men, emotionally. As I mentioned earlier: men have issues with social isolation and emotional intimacy. Because of fears of being perceived as gay or unmanly, we tend to hold back from opening up to our male friends. As a result: we tend to make our partners our sole source of emotional support. That is a tremendous burden for any one person. Having female friends who are just friends gives you a broader base of support – and gives them more support when they need it as well.
Just to be clear: I’m not saying that platonic female friends are there to teach you how to emotion better. It’s on you to learn how to do this yourself, especially by following examples, not to expect others to do the work for you. And yes,  you should also seek out more emotionally intimate relationships with men too – I’ll cover this in a future article.

How To Be Just Friends With Someone You’re Attracted To

So with all of this in mind: how do you navigate the issue of attraction to someone you’re just friends with?
For starters: relax about it. Attraction to a friend is understandable, even common. After all, you wouldn’t be friends with them if you weren’t compatible and if you didn’t think they were awesome, would you? The key is to not let the feeling throw you or make you panic. The fact that you’re attracted to somebody is inherently neutral. It doesn’t say anything about your friendship to them. It doesn’t mean you need to do anything about it. It just is. It may seem like the best thing you can do is force it away; this is actually a mistake. Trying to stuff an emotion or feeling down the memory hole just makes it even more present in your mind. Ever try to not think of something? For example: try to not picture Estelle Getty dressed as a fox at a bondage club.

And now that you’ve done that, please take this adorable kitten as a mental palate cleanser.

Instead of trying to force it away, just let it be. Don’t dwell on it but don’t avoid it. Acknowledge it to yourself and move on. You will have enough stuff going on in your life that other things will occupy your mind as long as you aren’t making your attraction a big deal.
The other thing you should do is behave normally. Your crush is your business, not your friend’s. Bringing your feelings front and center as part of your friendship is forcing your friend to deal with something that’s not their responsibility. As Captain Awkward puts it: part of being just friends with someone you’re attracted to means setting some self-boundaries. Flirting with them (if you don’t already have a flirty friendship), denigrating her relationships with people who aren’t you, making joking-but-not-really comments about the two of you as a couple, or doing things like the too-long-and-now-it’s-awkward full-body hug are all ways of making your issue theirs. 
Should you mention it? Well, that depends on a couple of issues. If they’re dating someone else or otherwise have a monogamous commitment, then no, you should not. It’s not fair to put them in the position to have to turn you down and risk hurting your feelings. Have they been giving you signals that they might want to be more than friends? Are you capable of not taking rejection personally and letting the matter drop if she turns you down without it curdling your friendship? Then it might be possible to carefully broach the topic. If you don’t want to take the risk… then no. Keep it to yourself and allow things to progress on their own.
Women make amazing, valuable friends, when people don’t let issues of sex or romance complicate things needlessly. Handling an inconvenient attraction to a friend, or being just friends with someone you’re attracted to are part of developing your emotional intelligence. Not obsessing about your feelings not only lets you continue to enjoy your friendship, but it also leaves you open for when you meet someone who is right for you, romantically.

1. again: gay and bi men and women don’t seem to have this issue… heteronormativity, y’all!
2. #notallmen indeed
3. presuming that they’re being genuine and not giving the reflexive, socially conditioned “soften the blow” response

The post How to Handle Being “Just Friends” appeared first on Paging Dr. NerdLove.


 Click here to meet Just senior singles here.

5 Mistakes Every Guy Will Make In A Relationship That Aren’t Deal-Breakers

 by Sarah Cueto

It’s easy to dismiss the f*ckboys who toy with our hearts because, well, look who we’re dealing with. We should know better, right?
But when a guy who we’ve assessed as nice or serious boyfriend material commits the offending behavior, it leaves us scratching our heads and dialing up the crazy. Even the tried-and-true good guys struggle on a daily basis to figure out how not to inadvertently upset or offend us.
It has been said over and over again that women are complicated, and I wholeheartedly agree with this. We are wonderfully complex and difficult to figure out. But it’s so worth it.
It’s important to remember that when you stick two humans together — each with a completely different set of dating histories, hormone balances, expectations and experiences — and throw them into a blossoming relationship, there are going to be some kinks to work out. When it comes to the dating game, the thing that separates the men from the boys is their ability to recover from and make up for the inevitable blunders that will occur during the course of your romance.
Here are five things men do that confuse the crap out of us:

1. They forget their manners.

If only I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard a girlfriend of mine tell me how hurt she was that her guy didn’t introduce her when they ran into someone he knew while they were out on a date. This very scenario happened to me recently, while I was grabbing brunch with a love interest.
A friend of my date’s came up to say hi to him, and they proceeded to carry on a very stimulating conversation about CrossFit while I silently and awkwardly stood by. At a natural break in the conversation, I interjected with my hand and my name, effectively picking up my date’s slack.
When the friend had walked away, I asked my guy why he hadn’t introduced me. Apparently, he had blanked out on the friend’s name, and thus didn’t know how to facilitate the introduction.
Moral of the story: Guys can be socially dumb, and may need your help. It doesn’t mean they don’t care. Don’t be afraid to take the lead and introduce yourself if a guy fumbles on this move.

2. They repeat bad behavior.

Bonus points to the dudes who repeat the bad behavior they have already apologized profusely for. When guys apologize, the majority of the time, they genuinely mean it. It’s not like they intend to piss you off.
It’s important to remember that making you mad is definitely not their end game. They will continue to make mistakes during your time together, whether that time is a few weeks or years. They will continue to apologize for them.
Moral of the story: If he’s making an honest effort to prioritize your happiness, don’t let him go.

3. They mess up the pace.

They move the relationship too fast. They don’t move it fast enough. They bring you close, and then they push you away.
I once dated a nice guy who was my polar opposite with regard to two of the most important relationship fronts: intimacy and status. He wanted to define the relationship right away by making me his girlfriend, but our physical closeness and progress moved at a snail’s pace.
It was simultaneously too fast and too slow for me. Who knew that was even possible? I was confused.
It’s important to talk to your partner about your expectations and what you would like to see happen in the relationship. It’s not his job to figure out what is too fast or too slow for the both of you, and he certainly isn’t a mind reader.
Moral of the story: Don’t get lost in an awkward turtle dance. Talk like adults, and set the pace together.

4. They don’t always know what they want.

My most recent dating experiment took me down the winding and adventurous road of being with someone who had no idea what type of relationship he wanted or was willing to commit to. The best — or worst, since we are on the subject — part was that he had no idea he didn’t know any of these things when he proclaimed his intent to date me.
Luckily, I know exactly what I want. I escaped from that ride with only a few bumps and bruises. Men don’t always know what they’re ready for.
Don’t forget that you might not, either. But the good ones will recognize the value of your relationship and hold on tight.
Moral of the story: When you know what you want, don’t shy away from asserting it and sticking to your guns. The right guy will be by your side, rather than left in the dust.

5. They walk away.

Then, there are the cases where — despite your every effort to be an all-around kickass and minimally psycho girlfriend — the dude opts out. This is especially painful because you have opened up and allowed yourself to be vulnerable with someone.
The timing may be off. You two may be in different places, on different pages and looking for something the other cannot give. Not being able to make the relationship work doesn’t make him a jerk (although sometimes, he is), and it doesn’t make you unworthy of love.
Moral of the story: You can’t control another person, and you deserve better than to argue your way into a relationship. In reality, he just liberated you for the real game-changer who was already on his way to you.
As Carrie Bradshaw once said, “Life gives you lots of chances to screw up, which means you have just as many chances to get it right.” Amen to that.








Article from: http://elitedaily.com/dating/mistakes-guys-relationship/1429297/

Does He Like Me? (Take this quiz to find out!)

Have you ever been in that ambiguous “early dating” stage with a guy?
This stage occurs when you’ve been on several dates, maybe you’re even sleeping together, but you’ve not yet decided whether to be exclusive or not.
You wish you could just read his mind and figure out where you stand, because you just want an answer: Does he like me? Not just sexually, but as a long-term partner?

Does He Like Me?

The fact is, right now you want to know whether this guy is worth more of your emotional investment.
Well, since so many women struggle with this question of whether a guy REALLY likes them, I’ve put together 7 MUST-ANSWER questions that will tell you exactly where you stand with him.
Take the quiz now! 

Does He Like Me?

Time limit: 0

Quiz-summary

0 of 7 questions completed
Questions:

1. 1
2. 2
3. 3
4. 4
5. 5
6. 6
7. 7

Information

Click below to reveal whether this guy is REALLY into you…

You have already completed the quiz before. Hence you can not start it again.

Quiz is loading...

You must sign in or sign up to start the quiz.

You have to finish following quiz, to start this quiz:

Results

Time has elapsed
You have reached 0 of 0 points, (0)

Categories

1. Not categorized 0%

• Amazing. This guy is smitten! Make sure you also check out my article on what makes a guy fall in love with you so you know how to keep him!
• You’re somewhere in the middle right now. It could go one way or the other. Keep an eye on how much this guy continues to invest in you, and think about limiting the amount of time you spend with him at this stage. Also, make sure you check out my video on the 3 man-melting compliments that get a guy to fall for you in the early stages of dating.
• Sorry, but this guy just isn’t making the effort you deserve. So what if there’s physical chemistry, it’s time to stop investing your emotional energy in him if you’re looking for something serious. Check out my video on the Attraction Formula to get started on your path to finding the Mr. Right you deserve! :)

1. 1
2. 2
3. 3
4. 4
5. 5
6. 6
7. 7

1. Answered
2. Review

1. Question 1 of 7

   1. Question

   Has he invited you to spend time with his friends and/or family?

   • Yes
   • No
2. Question 2 of 7

   2. Question

   Does he buy you gifts without you hinting at it?

   • Yes
   • No
3. Question 3 of 7

   3. Question

   Do you only ever meet late in the evening for a sexual hookup?

   • Yes
   • No
4. Question 4 of 7

   4. Question

   Does he show signs of planning dates he thinks you’ll really love?

   • Yes
   • No
5. Question 5 of 7

   5. Question

   Does he talk positively and openly about the idea of being in a committed relationship at this point in his life?

   • Yes
   • No
6. Question 6 of 7

   6. Question

   Does he plan trips or events that are a few months in the future with you (e.g. a vacation, or a weekend away together)?

   • Yes
   • No
7. Question 7 of 7

   7. Question

   Does he make an effort to initiate conversation at least 2-3 times a week when you’re apart? (e.g. texting/calling)

   • Yes
   • No

If you want to make sure you don’t get caught in this place again, make sure you check out my How To Talk To Men programme, which has all my secrets for how to know what he’s thinking and what to say to a guy in EVERY stage of the relationship to get him hooked on you.


The post Does He Like Me? (Take this quiz to find out!) appeared first on Get The Guy.

Visit this online dating site for seniors.