What It’s Like To Travel Across The World For A First Date

What It’s Like To Travel Across The World For A First Date

Once upon a time, not so very long ago, I did something a little crazy. On one hand, this story may evoke admiration amongst the adventurous romantics of the world. On the other hand, it may call my sanity into question.

But here’s the thing: While my 20s and free passes for reckless behavior quickly slip away, I justify my choices by asking myself a simple question. What good is life without spontaneity and irrational, emotion-fueled decisions?

Meeting people online these days is pretty standard. We are a Facebooking, Tindering, Couch-surfing generation, after all. While I’ve done some strange things in my life, including but not limited to going on my fair share of internet-generated dates and moving across the world, I never imagined that Instagram would be the platform to launch an international whirlwind of a romance.

Here’s how it all started:
I was on an island in Thailand, the stunning Southeast Asian country that tempted me away from home for two years. I was in the middle of a beach scene worthy of a desktop screensaver. Despite this actually being my reality, I was shamefully glued to my phone. It was then, bikini-clad and epitomizing iPhone addiction, that a hot, seemingly well-traveled guy started to follow me on Instagram.
Now, perusing through an Instagram profile offers a lot of information about a person. In five minutes, those squares told me everything I needed to know.
I could clearly see he was good-looking, he’d been to numerous places around the world, he liked dogs, he worked out, he had an active social life, there were no recurring females to indicate that he was taken and he was close with his family (quite a mama’s boy by the looks of it.)

I followed back. He responded by liking a few pictures and commenting on my latest post. Feeling particularly bold, I decided to send a direct message: “So you’re adorable, how’d ya find me?” Turned out, in one of my #travel liking sprees, I’d liked one of his pictures. Our conversation quickly escalated into exchanging Facebook information and striking up conversation there. Thank you, social media.
David* was an English dreamboat bouncing between London, England and Marbella, Spain. Unapologetically intrigued by one another, we started talking incessantly, whenever our waking hours coincided. Something just clicked; I didn’t think twice about what to say and everything flowed effortlessly.

David had been to Thailand several times, and we had a lot in common. In addition to texting, we started exchanging short video clips, and I’d die a little bit inside every time I heard his ridiculously charming accent. Things accelerated quickly, and suddenly meeting each other was on the table.

I’d conveniently orchestrated a week off between jobs, and he didn’t have the typical 9 to 5. So who should go where? When David told me he was going to Spain during my week off, suddenly I knew I was, too.
We scheduled a FaceTime date to discuss our impulsive idea more seriously. Never had someone been more on my page; never had someone considered the outlandish things I considered.

We didn’t hesitate at all, which is the only way something crazy like this ever actually comes to fruition. I sent my first direct message on June 20. By June 25 I had a flight. By July 5 I had traveled nearly 19 hours and was toting a suitcase around Malaga Airport, nervously looking for this stranger that I would meet in person for the very first time.

With only five full days to spend in Spain, it would be a quick trip, considering the distance. The days spent together were not without their flaws (those English accents can be really hard to understand sometimes!), but we spent our days as this (no pun intended) insta-couple.

We had a romantic date night; we spent a lazy afternoon on the beach kissing and singing old ’90s hits from my iPod; we enjoyed homemade family dinners; we climbed a mountain and took risqué pictures at the top; we swam through a beautiful gorge; we took a boat to Old Town Marbella; we went on photo adventures and we explored swanky Puerto Banus and its nightlife.

It was like I’d walked onto the set of “The Bachelor,” but better. I had the exotic dates, the sexy man and thankfully, zero other women to beat off with a stick. As quickly as I’d arrived, it was time to head back to Bangkok. We set no expectations for what was to follow. Both of us were realistic enough to be content with the possibility that our time together might be nothing more than a crazy adventure.
While the internet has undoubtedly made the world a smaller place than ever, England and Thailand were still a considerable distance apart. The stars could not have aligned better to orchestrate our first meeting, but they kind of scattered across the sky after that.

David and I haven’t had the chance to see each other again, but we still talk to this day, over a year later.

Although we’ve both moved on, I consider him a close friend. We share our work and dating woes as well as our travel plans, the one thread and common interest that particularly connects us. Our moment may have passed, but I’m so glad to have had the adventure, and to have met someone else like me out there, someone willing to follow their heart and take a chance, even if it sounds like the craziest thing in the world.
In my book, it’s stories like these that make life worth living, and I plan on writing many more.


What It’s Like To Travel Across The World For A First Date

Via : Dating – Elite Daily by Lauren Carey


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How To Deal With Frenemies

How To Deal With Frenemies

The encounter was inevitable. Sooner or later you would have to meet him. Fate caught up with you at a company function. While getting a drink or taking another turn at the buffet, some mutual colleague introduced you to each other. You would be working together. Your education, skills, and knowledge were complementary, you were told, and the upcoming projects would need the two of you to put your heads together.

You are of similar age and socio-economic background. You are both good looking, charismatic, energetic, and are seen as the hot shots or rising stars of the practice. As the night wore on, you even discovered similar tastes in music and films and have more than a few hobbies in common.
By the end of the evening you believed you had found a new friend. A few days passed. The team assembled. You began working together.

You then start noticing certain seemingly innocent slights and moments of awkwardness. It was some time before you realized that he was taking credit for your work and painting you in a distorted and not wholly truthful light to your superior.
All the while the two of you were as tight as brothers. Eating, drinking, carousing, and chatting up women together. He even made a point of feeding you news and intelligence that has helped you in your work.

Things don’t add up. Your relationship with this man is baffling in the extreme.
If you are in the situation described above, or something like it, you have made not a friend or an enemy but a frenemy. A frenemy is someone who is at once a close friend and a dangerous rival. Such relationships occasionally spring up in your non-professional social circle, but the phenomenon is most commonly seen in the workplace.

Frenemies are the result of the longer hours people spend at work. You see them especially in high-end professions. Long stays in offsite and out-of-town locations, the need to meet frequently and work problems into the late evening, and the absence of any other society have created a situation in which the personal and professional are blurred. Who else are you going to have dinner with at eight o’ clock in the evening? Where else are you going to go for a chat and a bit of bar hopping?

But the colleague who becomes your friend is still as ambitious and hungry for money and success as you are. Many such persons will assume two states of thought and feeling at once. They will be a true and sincere friend and a scheming and maneuvering rival.

How to deal with such persons?
It is a difficulty. You may think that the best option is to cut them off completely. But that isn’t as easy as it seems. Giving your frenemy the cold shoulder may compel him to escalate his campaign against you, and treat you as a real enemy—a person who is to be destroyed rather than toyed with. Waging an outright war against him will lead to tension in the team, reduce its performance, and make it less productive than it ought to be. You will get the blame, which will lead to your going down with the person with whom you’ve decided to engage in an explicit battle of wills.
The better, smarter way of dealing with a frenemy is to beat him at his own game. Don’t allow yourself to be consumed by the little betrayals he’s committed.

Recognize that you are natural rivals: you are of the same age, the same temperament, and possess the same aims and ambitions. Turn that to your advantage. Do what your frenemy has done. Enlist persons who know and like you both on your side. Use them to monitor what he is up to and make early moves to counter whatever he has planned for you next.

What I have sketched above may seem like a strange way to live. But the complexities of the modern workplace make handling frenemies a necessity.


 by Christopher Reid from TSB Magazine

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If You Love A Leo, Pay Attention To Them Before It’s Too Late

If You Love A Leo, Pay Attention To Them Before It’s Too Late

Leo is known for being full of life, outgoing, lovable and exuberant.
But there are some Leos who are modestly confident, and more introverted in nature. They may not demand attention like extroverted Leos but they still enjoy getting it, and know that they’ve got something to offer. They simply may not be as inclined to talk about it with others.
Leo wants things to be good all the time and although they are prone to drama, Leo is more inclined to look on the bright side. Leo doesn’t want to be on bad terms with anyone, if anything they will go out of their way to be nice to their enemies. Leo is a “kill them with kindness” type, and often won’t stoop to insults during a conflict. Leo is the often the person you can rely on. They have their friends’ backs come hell or high water.
Leo rules the heart and loves deeply, but they don’t want just anybody. When they meet the right person, they will just know. It will be instinctual. When a Leo decides that they want you, they will be eternally yours.
The thing is, Leo needs attention. A Leo needs to be adored, pet, and loved. When Leo isn’t getting this in their relationship, they will find it somewhere else.
It’s not to say that they cheat (though they could), but they will turn towards something or someone who is going to boost their ego. Emotional cheating does occur here, as well as flirtations.
Some Leos, who cross this line, will find solace in someone else. In other cases, merely engaging with good friends can bring out the best in Leo and restore them.
Here are five reasons why you should always pay attention to your Leo:

1. A Leo is the type to think, “stroke my back and I’ll stroke yours.”

Your Leo will build you up when your kingdom falls; they will be there to catch you. They will do anything for you, even if this means putting their own agenda second.
If a Leo is complimenting you all the time, it is a subconscious hint that they need some of this encouragement back. Leo needs to know that you love them, so be sure to tell them on a regular basis.
Leo is prepared to match you on every level. They are wired to do everything you do for them and then some. Leo will really surpass your expectations of what it means to be a good partner, and the people in your life will notice this.

2. A Leo brings flare, fun and personality into a relationship.

As a fire sign, Leo knows how to turn up the heat. They know how to create the perfect mood. They have a lot of passion in their heart, and they express this on the regular.
Leo lives their life for the things they love most, and the things they enjoy doing the most. The people in their lives are the most important to them. You’ll be hard-pressed to find a Leo in a career that doesn’t speak directly to their heart. Leo is the type to do what they love and love what they do.

3. A Leo has a sense of loyalty.

Even if the definition of being loyal changes, Leo will sacrifice their own needs for your loyalties.
So, Leo might forgive something that they should be upset about. Leo will make allowances for the people they love.
This can be a problem as Leo will lower their expectations in the relationship so they can complement the needs of their partner. Leo won’t even tell you when they are mad, though it will come out later (when things have accumulated for too long).
Leo doesn’t like to stir the pot if they can help it, but they do get frustrated when they give too much, and get back too little.
Loyalty is incredibly sacred to the Leo, and if you dishonor it, it will take time for Leo to forgive you and move forward. If Leo really loves you, they are almost always open to working it out.

4. A Leo likes being the center of attention.

You won’t want to miss Leo in action, as they quickly become the life of the party.
It is important for Leo that their partner finds them funny and enjoys their ability to work the room (when they want to).
Leo wants to feel supported, but Leo also wants the validation that they are enjoyable.
Leo is known for cracking jokes and telling stories. They bring the light. Shy or lazy Leo may seek entertainment on the sly, but they are probably known in their close circles for making people laugh and enjoy the moment.

5. A Leo has a tremendous amount of love to give, and they just want to be loved in return.

Leo needs to feel like they are loved and wanted.
They want to feel valued, and like their partner would never want anyone else. Consistent love is the key to keeping your Leo attentive. You have to remind them that they are loved and wanted.
Leo doesn’t want to be sexually rebuffed, and they don’t want you to be in bad spirits. Leo loves to cheer people up. In fact, Leo will do anything to lift your mood because it hurts them to see the people they care about unhappy. Leo wants you smiling.
Leo is also capable of loving people, even if they can’t be with them romantically. Leo has the power to see the good in everyone, and can’t escape the qualities in others which are admirable. Even if it didn’t work out with you and your Leo, they probably still have some love for you.
Leo can be flaky at times because they just want to make everyone happy and hate to let people down. They are happiest when they have love to come home to.
Leo is looking for someone they can love and trust for a lifetime.
The secret is always reminding your Leo why they are great. Keep the relationship adventurous and spicy.
Leo wants to feel like they are living, but they also need to know that they are loved.
Ignoring the concerns of your Leo could be dangerous. Ensure that they are satisfied, as Leo doesn’t always communicate what is bothering them.
As it’s been said, Leo likes to make other people happy, but it is important that they make themselves happy in return. Sometimes Leo is so caught up in the bright lights that they mistake love for infatuation, try to understand where your love comes from. Figure out if it has the potential to be a healthy, long-lasting relationship, which is mutually validating.


Article:
by Tara Chloe Dusanj


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How I Knew It Was Time To Leave Someone I Didn’t Want To

It’s easy to leave someone when they’ve driven to your house with all your stuff and ask to break up. It’s way harder though, to look them in the face and say you agree and believe it.
All of my family and some of my friends will just be finding out that I broke up with my boyfriend as they read this. I didn’t want to make calls and hear the disappointment in their voices, that’s not the response I need. What held the relationship together for a while was the expectation that we were together and should stay together.
This is not what a relationship is about. Staying true to yourself means you should constantly be changing yourself. Just because you’ve dressed a certain way your whole life doesn’t mean you can’t completely change your style one day if it feels right, and the same goes for your relationship.
A lot of friends I told have said, “I’m sorry.” Why not “congratulations?” If I’m getting out of a bad situation, so why is it assumed breaking up is a bad thing? Sympathy should feel more supportive than pity. I would have preferred a “I am here for you, how are you doing?” After all, no one died; I simply made a life decision.
I dated my now ex for over three years. We met in college and moved into the city separately to pursue our careers and each other. After we decided in person to break up, I sheepishly yet nostalgically said, “we had fun.” He responded, “we had something.”
Our relationship went most notably south last summer when I wanted a break from him. I felt like I wasn’t getting the attention, respect and mental stimulation that I deserved, and began to feel disappointed. I was 24 and afraid I made a life choice too quickly at 21. I’ve seen people settle around me, and I didn’t want to feel disappointed in a relationship for the rest of my life.
Instead of directly telling him how I felt, I started telling friends how I felt, and even convinced myself that I was starting to like someone else who was totally not right for me. My ex and I had a trip planned to go overseas with his family, so I decided that would be the make or break for me. That time, it ended up saving us.
The trip made everything clear to me, and my worries about commitment melted away — or so I told myself. I look back and realize how skewed it can be to evaluate your relationship in a family environment. You are surrounded by the dynamic you wish to create one day yourself, and everything appears a little easier. You see yourself in the family portrait and the familiarity feels comforting.
According to my Facebook feed, more people who stay where they grew up, or in another small town, tend to rush into marriage, whereas people who independently move to big cities wait longer. I think that’s really telling of people’s mind sets and priorities. Will you make do with what you have for the sake of love and family, or will you continue to grow through different experiences?
Months after our trip, my ex found text messages from the time I wanted to leave him, and he wanted to leave me that day. I begged him not to, and somehow got him to stay with me. For the next year I’d try to make it up to my bitter boyfriend.
I found myself taking pictures with him and saying he didn’t look happy to be with me and I’d try to take another. I began to realize the only time I was hearing I love you was in response to when I said it. He was just going through the motions and I was trying to make do.
When he left me officially, the last thing he said was, “let me know if you ever need anything.” I felt relieved I didn’t have to depend on that empty promise anymore.
Just like it takes two people to put effort into a relationship, it takes two to decide its fate. I was putting everything in his court, swearing to stay devoted. But eventually, I stopped listening to how I felt. Our relationship became all about gaining his trust back, when I never stopped to think if I even wanted it all back.
I realized he’d been gone for a long time, and I had been dating myself for a while. I asked myself why I was still in the relationship. If I was the only one trying to make me happy, shouldn’t I just be single?
I finally saw a therapist, and when I explained to her that I was a serial dater, hopping from one long-term boyfriend to another and always overly optimistic about my relationships, she told me it sounded more like I have co-dependency issues.
I’m 25, and the longest I’ve gone without being in a serious relationships is two months since freshman year of high school. I have never been on my own, and it’s exciting and scary at the same time.
With this built up bitterness, we both suffered a lot of emotional abuse. It’s a weird place to fall between both the victim and the villain. For a split second, sometimes I’ll think I could have done something to save our relationship.
But then I remember I don’t miss him; I miss the memory of him.
Loving someone who’s moved on is like being nostalgic for the house you grew up in, but all your family has since moved out. You can try to visit, but you’ll never be let back in. It will never be as warm and inviting as your home once was. And more likely than not, you’re probably going to get yelled at for walking on someone else’s lawn.
When he asked to break up and I said I wanted that too, at first I didn’t believe myself. But now I am grateful I did; what’s worse than not being in a relationship is being in half a relationship.
Thinking of three things helped me get me through the breakup. One is all the relationships I will now be able to invest more time and effort in. Many nights I’d skip out hanging out with my friends because I’d be having movie night or a family dinner with my boyfriend. Now I’m closer with some of my friends than I ever have been.
The second thing that gets me through is what I believe I deserve. I believe I deserve someone who supports me, who surprises me and who will love me for everything that I am.
The third thing is I also don’t need someone to tell me I’m beautiful and that I’m loved. I need to be able to tell myself that. For a while I was putting into a relationship what I so desperately needed out of it. Putting forth effort and compassion in a relationship just so you can receive it is a waste of time, and that’s why I decided to date myself.
I’m not speaking as a recovered person; I am still very much learning how to not become dependent. But I think it’s important to realize that being with someone isn’t necessary.
If you can date yourself you’ll never be lonely.

 by Kelley Lord  from
How I Knew It Was Time To Leave Someone I Didn’t Want To

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Why online dating sites are better way for senior people?

So you are looking to find someone to share those golden moments with you.  So why should you try dating sites for seniors?

Well there are a lot of reasons. 

Culturally, we have been moving away from the family unit and therefore you are less likely to know your neighbours than in times gone by. This means that it can be rather difficult to find potential partners particularly in the older age group.

A lot of older people are more reserved and thus not likely to hang around pubs and clubs looking for a partner.  The usual venues open to younger singles looking for a date aren't always an option.

Some people cannot face putting up a personal ad in the newspaper.  Contrary to popular opinion, this can be a great way to meet people but it is not suitable for everyone.

You could join a dining club.  The idea is that instead of meeting just one person for dinner which can be daunting, you meet a group of people for dinner and a chat.  Usually dining clubs would be arranged based loosely on age and you can expect to pay upwards of twice the cost of the meal.  They can be an excellent introduction to a new crowd of people but often the organisers complain that they never have enough men.

You could head to Lisdoonvarna in Ireland.  Every year they hold a huge singles event. People of all nationalities, sexual orientation and age descend on the area for the weekend.  Possibly not the best place to meet your life partner but you should enjoy a great holiday.

If you don't fancy the above ideas, dating sites give you the opportunity to meet people of your own generation who share similar likes and interests.  You cannot rely on your natural charm and good looks to get you a date, so most serious online daters learn how to court in the old fashioned sense of the word.  They know that they need to communicate properly - think of emails being the modern version of the courtship letters of bygone days. 

The internet is anonymous - this allows people to be themselves.  This is a good and a bad thing.   The positive side is that people can show their real selves, communicate properly for perhaps the first time and ask for what they really want.  The negative fact is that some people will use whatever medium available to publish their vile beliefs or to con people out of money, property etc.

Look at the quality of the dating site you join.  Some sites have put a lot of work and thought into their questionnaires.  If you complete these accurately, they really do help you find the right partner. 

A dating site for seniors might be just the key you need to unlock a new, lively social life.  Just the thing to keep you busy in your retirement!

Do men like it when women ask them out?

Do men like it when women ask them out?

Mr. Answer Man says: 

Men definitely like it when women ask them out. What's not to like? But before you get busy with your phone and address book, there are a few things you should know.

For starters, a part of the guy will wonder if you've called him up because you want to have sex with him. Guys are generally hoping to have sex whenever they go on a date, so this probably won't mean he'll behave any different, but you might want to set some limits early on. (Unless that is why you called him.)

Also, be prepared for lots of dating gray areas: Who'll drive? Who'll pay? Who'll decide where to go? The impetus is generally on the guy to control the flow of events on a date, but since you initiated things, how far will the initiative extend? Ideally, this will be part of the fun, but it can lead to baffled expectations on both sides.

Another thing to consider is something guys have been dealing with since time began: The answer might be no.


Article from Just Senior Singles.


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If Your Guy Doesn’t Have These 8 Qualities, Don’t Marry Him

Meeting the man of your dreams — the one you will want to marry — will not be an easy task.
Most girls have a pretty long list of desired qualities, which narrows the playing field for them quite a bit. And as they say, you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your Prince Charming.
Your soul mate for life is not something you can plan or shop for. I mean, you can attempt to meet a lot of different guys, but I believe soul mates for life happen by destiny. It’s about being in the right place at the right time.
You both need to be prepared. If you don’t have the right tools, you won’t qualify for the job. There has to be that overall, mutual attraction, and it needs to feel just right.
Everything should come naturally so don’t try too hard. If you do, it’s probably not meant to be. Conversation should be flowing easily, you must share common interests, and an absolute feeling that you want to see this dude again. You can’t stop thinking about him, and he can’t stop thinking about you.
There are certain traits that definitely have to be there. Everyone’s taste and outlook on finding the right partner varies but these are the qualities I would look for in a husband, and I’m sure many other gals can agree with many, if not all of them.

1. He has an awesome sense of humor.

In my book, if a man makes a girl laugh uncontrollably, he’s definitely a keeper.
Knowing how to laugh and have fun together is an important part of every relationship. What’s a relationship without having fun and letting loose together? Constant tempers, crankiness and seriousness are major NO’s.

2. He's a dependable kind of a guy.

When he says he’ll be there, he’d better freaking be there. Obviously emergencies come up but communication is essential. Canceling or being late are not very impressive habits to have at all.
A girl will run in the opposite direction if she can’t depend on her man. I need to know I can always count on my guy, just as he’ll be able to count on me.

3. He's honest and truthful.

Embellishing a story for a few laughs is one thing. But if a guy gets caught in a lie, he compromises his character. Compromise his character and he’s yesterday’s guy.
All of my dudes out there: DON’T lie. Do yourself a huge favor and don’t even go there, because it will never end well. You should be honest and truthful to one another, always.

4. He's extremely thoughtful, because he wants to be.

Many girls love to be surprised because it shows the guy cares. Besides, thoughtfulness is super sexy, and girls eat it up. I’m not talking about extravagances, just the little things.
When a guy makes creative plans without being prompted by his girl. Or acknowledges a stressful day she’s having with flowers, her favorite ice cream or a back rub. Cooking her dinner is always a sweet move! Take notes, guys.

5. He's affectionate and shows that he appreciates you.

In a relationship, a girl should be treated like a queen, and a guy should be treated like a king. Never take any day for granted; hugs, unexpected kisses and holding hands aren’t just for when you first meet, they’re forever.

6. He's motivated, and that's sexy AF.

Nobody wants a slacker or a couch potato as a partner. A guy who has ambition to create an awesome future and build a great life together is plain ol’ sexy.

7. He's a family-oriented man.

When a guy is respectful and close to his family, it’s a great indication that he will be a good husband and father. You can tell a lot about a guy by how he treats the women in his life (mom, sisters, aunts, female cousins).

8. He's confident with himself and his choices.

A man without a backbone is attractive to… hmmm, let me see… NOBODY. Know what you want in life, and experience it together.

A

If Your Guy Doesn’t Have These 8 Qualities, Don’t Marry Him

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Five first date Forget-me-Nots

Five first date Forget-me-Nots 

By Diane Farr

You might know her as the lovely (and brave) cohost of MTV's Loveline or from her current role on The Job, but this actress also has some hilarious secrets on friendship that she shares in her new book The Girl Code. Check out these five must-read dating rules before you go out on your next date -- or send them to your favorite single friend! She'll thank you for it!

The Ugly Underwear Rule
If you really want to hook up on a first date, wear your ugliest underwear. Inevitably, you’ll hook up.

The Unshaven Legs Rule
If you apply this and the ugly underwear rule at the same time, you’ll probably marry the guy.

R.K.
When the date is over and you think you like him but you’re still not exactly sure, a little recreational kissing probably won’t hurt him or you. And…it may help answer that question of whether you’re interested.

I.R.K.
Irresponsible Recretional Kissing is when you make out with him because you foolishly think you have to or when you already know you’re not interested and just aren’t mature enough to say so.

Pick Up After Yourself
If a girlfriend was kind enough to loan you an outfit for this important evening out, make sure you dry-clean it immediately. Don’t keep it, thinking you have some nostalgic right to adopt it. Return it – cleaned – by next weekend, or you could karmicly damage the date you just had. (Not really, but return her damn clothes anyway.)

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Communication in a relationship

 Communication in a relationship

Communication in a relationship Communication Communication is a vital part of our lives: a typical day involves many interactions between ourselves, our work colleagues and clients, our children, our friends, our ex's, future relationships, etc. This interaction takes place where we live, work, relax, socialize and wherever we perform routine tasks. Communication skills are critical for building healthy relationships, especially when one realizes that one of the most common causes of relational breakdown is a lack of communication. Just as communication can be the most important part of a relationship; arguments can be the most destructive aspect - the closer we are to someone, the more easily we can bruise or be bruised. There is very little truth in the saying: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never harm me." It's not what we say, but rather how we say it, that most often hurts another person. Do you identify with any of these statements? "He never listens to me when I talk!" "She talks and talks, but never actually says anything!" "It's like talking to a brick wall" "I can't get through to you" "We can't talk about anything important without getting into a fight" "She's too emotional - she's either crying or shouting or complaining. It's easier to avoid her" "He always gets defensive when I try to talk about issues" Communication is a complex process; of which speaking only makes up for 10-20%. The other 80-90% is made up by facial expressions, body language, tone of voice, etc. (See our body language section) Communication is the art/ science of transferring a thought/ idea/ information from the mind of one complex human being to the mind of one or more complex human being(s). For communication to be effective, it must be a two-way process. Dynamics of Interpersonal Communication 1. Facts: are both people communicating about the same set of facts? Try to separate the facts from thoughts or feelings. 2. Interpretations, Thoughts or Perceptions: Each person interprets a fact differently based on their belief system, personality, values and experience. 3. Feelings: how we are feeling, our current mood and frame of mind, etc can sub-consciously affect decisions and thoughts. 4. Intentions, Needs or Wants: hidden agendas; are we looking for comfort, clarification, information or simply a chance to interact? We judge ourselves on our intentions. 5. Actions: choice of words (is the intent to create harm?) + tone of voice + non-verbal speech = body language, posture, eye contact, facial expressions, etc. "The medium is the message" => the way the message is delivered is the message itself. 6. Self: The communication centre, which includes the issue, topic or conflict at hand, has been "filtered" by the facts, interpretations, thoughts, feelings, intentions, and choices of behaviour / actions. Listening and Feedback Did I say what I meant to say? - Invite feedback to clarify communication. Someone who's not listening lets their mind drift and is already preparing the next argument or opposing thought; inaccurate feedback or limited eye contact. Listening is an active, not a passive process. When two people argue, they only hear "what they want to hear", not what's actually said. This equates to the accusation of "not listening". Most couples start arguing and within 5 minutes are arguing about the way they are arguing. Don't argue when you're angry - you will not be able to listen objectively. Give yourself time to cool down and then broach the subject when you are in a more reasonable frame of mind. It's important to give feedback - checking and confirming. Did I understand you correctly? Is this what you mean? I heard you say this: am I right? Feedback can be verbal / non-verbal e.g. a nod, smile, silence or a cold shoulder. No feedback is in itself a form of feedback. If the words and actions contradict each other, it is better to believe the actions! Conflict Resolution Conflict resolution can either be Constructive or Destructive. Destructive Style - hinders or inhibits the conflict resolution process:     Confrontational (win or lose, blaming)     Sabotage (focus on weak points, shaming)     Manipulation (blackmail, withdrawal)     Giving in (passive, submissive)     Avoidance (denial, withdrawal) Constructive Style – trying to minimize the issues and avoiding the difficulties in resolving the problems:     Compromise (meet halfway, understanding)     Accommodate (open discussion, communication without confrontation)     Partnership (solutions, forgiveness, honesty) When trying to resolve conflicts, try to clarify your goals, as you will probably share many of the same goals despite of your differences. Avoid bargaining, as this may lead to each party taking a rigid position which in turn can flare tempers. When resolving conflicts, remember that their causes may run deep. Sweeping issues under the carpet isn’t going to work in the long term, as old baggage will be brought up each time an argument starts. Try to fully resolve each issue as it comes along. You may find the following method useful: 1. Ask the other person for their feelings. Your conflict probably isn’t about the issue that caused it to start in the first place. Don’t forget that your goal is sorting out the problem, not winning an argument! 2. Ask the other person to define the problem. Stick to solving one problem at a time, that way you can understand each problem as the other person sees it. 3. Express your own feelings. Be careful to word them carefully, for example use phrases such as “I feel…” rather than “I think you…” 4. Define the problem as you see it. As your feelings come out, the solution may become clearer. Remember that by you listening to the other person; you will have set the tone for them to listen to you. 5. Create multiple solutions. Don’t go back to your original agenda. Aim to find alternative or creative solutions that reduce emotions and tension. 6. Rate the possible solutions. Remember that no one can force an unacceptable solution on the other. 7. Combine and create a mutually acceptable solution. Create something acceptable to both parties, if this doesn’t work – go back to step 1 and ensure both parties are being totally honest. 8. Be sure both parties agree to work towards resolving the issue. Troubleshooting For Problems in Communication Control or Power Issues: Effective communication cannot take place if one person has "control" over the other or where there is not mutual respect and equality of relationship. To stay in control leads to relational isolation as the underdog reacts in anger at being manipulated or belittled. Triangulation: Do not bring in a third party to avoid direct confrontation. If you have a problem with someone, go directly to that person. Don't dump your accusations on mutual friends or your children in the hope of winning support to balance the scales in your favour - it leads to more substantial and long-lasting damage, especially when a child is used as a weapon between parents. 19 Steps to Effective Communication 1. See communication as an opportunity to praise, build-up, affirm, heal, support and give positive reinforcement, rather than to correct, criticise, tear down, hurt, wound, lash out at. Praise opens doors to further communication, while criticism shuts them down. 2. Remember that actions speak louder than words; non-verbal communication usually is more powerful than verbal communication. Avoid double messages in which the verbal and the non-verbal messages convey something contradictory. (Credibility gap) 3. Define what is important and stress it; define what is unimportant and de-emphasise or ignore it. Avoid fault-finding. 4. Communicate in ways that show respect for the other person’s worth as a human being. “Avoid statements which begin with the words “You never …” or “I think you …”. 5. Be clear and specific in your communication. Avoid vagueness. 6. Be realistic and reasonable in your statements. Avoid exaggeration and sentences which begin with “You always …” 7. Test all your assumptions verbally by asking if they are accurate. Avoid acting until this is done. 8. Recognize that each event can be seen from different points of view. Avoid assuming that other people see things like you do. (Perception) 9. Recognize that your family members and close friends are experts on you and your behaviour. Avoid the tendency to deny their observations about you – especially if you are not sure. 10. Recognize that disagreement can be a meaningful form of communication. Avoid destructive arguments. 11. Be honest and open about your feelings and viewpoints. Bring up all significant problems even if you are afraid that doing so will disturb another person. Speak the truth in love. Avoid sullen silences. 12. Do not put down and/or manipulate the other person with tactics such as ridicule, interrupting, name-calling, changing the subject, blaming, bugging, sarcasm, criticism, pouting, guilt-inducing, etc. Avoid the one-upmanship game. 13. Be more concerned about how your communication affects others than about what you intended. Avoid getting bitter if you are misunderstood. 14. Accept all feelings and try to understand why others feel and act as they do. Avoid the tendency to say, “you shouldn’t feel like that.” 15. Be tactful considerate and courteous. Avoid taking advantage of the other person’s feelings. 16. Ask questions and listen carefully. Avoid preaching or lecturing. 17. Do not use excuses. Avoid falling for the excuses of others. 18. Speak kindly politely and softly. Avoid nagging yelling or whining. 19. Recognize the value of humour and seriousness. Avoid destructive teasing. Summary As you look ahead to new relationships, you need to be able to break old and faulty communication patterns to allow for healthier interaction. The use of praise and positive reinforcement will reconstruct wounded and broken self-images and will build self-esteem, particularly in children. By becoming an effective communicator, you will also grow and become a better person which will positively enhance all your relationships.

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If Your Boyfriend Does These 8 Things, He’s In Love With You

Falling in love is a beautiful thing. But it can also cause you bit of stress. You want to let yourself fall, but there’s one question holding you back: Does your partner love you?
One day, you may learn to love selflessly. You may learn to love without needing that love to be reciprocated. After all, you don’t love because you’re loved; you love because you believe that someone else deserves to be loved. And being deserving of love doesn’t necessarily mean giving it in return.
But it’s easy to be afraid of loving someone who doesn’t love you back. You’re afraid of getting hurt. And that’s no surprise, especially if it’s the first time you’ve loved. As far as loving a woman goes, it’s pretty easy to tell when she loves you back. I’m not sure if women are better at loving or just worse at keeping it hidden.
Men, on the other hand, are taught to hide their emotions. They’re told that emotion is a sign of weakness. And because of this, they have a difficult time accepting emotions for what they are. Even when men do accept how they feel, they keep it to themselves. I’m sure women find this infuriating.
But just because he’s never told you that he loves you doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you. When it comes to men, actions really do speak louder than words. If your boyfriend does these 8 things, you can rest assured that he loves you:

1. He sends you a message almost every morning.

When the first thought he has in the morning is you, that’s when you know that he’s in love.
Love is a form of obsession — it can be very healthy and incredibly rewarding. When you’ve infiltrated his psyche to the point that he wakes up thinking of you, that’s when you know you’ve got him. Of course, not all guys are open about the way they feel — some are even doing their best to resist the urge to contact you and wish you a good morning.
But when you’re in love, you have only so much self-control. Even the strongest-willed man will break a few times a week and show you that you’re his weakness.

2. He checks up on you randomly just to see how you're doing.

People — both men and women — are egocentric beings. Women do have a tendency to be more giving and caring, but generally speaking, we’re our own favorite people.
Until, that is, we fall in love.
Once you fall in love, you begin to care just as much about this other person as you do yourself. Men can be especially funny when it comes to checking up their girlfriends … some will try and play it off as if they don’t care as much as they really do (we can be silly like that), but if he’s hitting you up multiple times a week, for seemingly no reason at all, that’s when you know he’s hooked.

3. He doesn't mind going out of his way to make your life easier.

You know how a woman will often complain about her husband being lazy and not wanting to help out? Well, she’s only complaining because, once upon a time, that same man went out of his way to make her life easier. He used to inconvenience himself just to help her out. He would pick her up from out of his way when she needed a ride. He went to the store and picked up whatever she needed without her having to beg or argue with him. He didn’t mind being worse off as long as she was better off.
If that’s your boyfriend, then chances are he loves you. How do you keep him from turning into a lazy husband, you ask? Well, let’s leave that for another article.

4. He lights up when he sees you.

Love is happiness. Love is joy. Love is a mind filled with great memories and thoughts of a wonderful future together. You can’t possibly have all that on your mind and not smile.
If he grins from ear to ear — if his eyes light up at the sight of you — he’s in love with you. If he loves you, you’ll receive just about all of his attention.

5. He asks you about your day, and then he actually listens.

I remember being in love and caring so much about my ex’s day that I even wanted to know what she ate (to make sure she was staying healthy). That’s love.
When your man cares about you so much that he wants to know what’s going on in your life — in the finest of details — wants to know what you did, what you saw, how you succeeded and failed, the adventures that you went on, he loves you. He wants to know about your day because he wants to be a part of it in some way or another — even though he wasn’t there by your side to actually experience it.

6. He asks you for your opinion.

And this isn’t just so that you feel like you’re giving your two cents. He wants to know your thoughts on the matter because he values your opinion. He values the way that you see the world and wants to make sure that his life aligns with yours as much as possible.
When a man loves you, he wants your input on his life because — maybe without even knowing it — he is trying to merge his with yours. And what better way than to start seeing the world through your eyes?

7. He gives you the better pillow.

He gives you the side of the bed you like to sleep on, even though it’s the same side he likes to sleep on. He gives you the bigger half of the sandwich, the last bite of cake, the movie theater seat closer to the center. He gives you the better half because he believes that you are his better half.
As kids, just about all of us were taught to share. But this isn’t just sharing; this is giving. To him, giving you more is just the same as if he were taking more himself. It’s better, even, because it makes him even happier.

8. He protects you. Or, at the very least, he tries.

He walks on the outside of the sidewalk, because if a car were to swerve, he would get hit instead of you. He feeds you. He checks up on you. He is always there when you’re feeling down or under the weather.
When a man cares for you better than he cares for himself, he loves you. He may not be a fighter, but seeing you in danger flips a switch. He turns from a teddy bear to a grizzly in zero seconds flat.

The article If Your Boyfriend Does These 8 Things, He’s In Love With You

first appeared on Dating – Elite Daily

Body Language

Body Language

Up to 93% of communication is non verbal and much of this is body language. Knowing how to read body language can mean that you don’t pick up the wrong signals, or miss the silent messages that someone really likes you!

Luckily body language can be very easy to learn, which is a good thing, as it is possibly one of the most important languages that you can learn. You will probably recognise many of the following examples from your own behaviour, or from those close to you. Once you know how to read these signs from people around you, you’ll get a good idea of the workings of their minds and thought processes.

Let’s say you are out on a date and want to take things further. Before you do so, you need to know if the other person is interested. Look out for these tell tale signs and you will never be left guessing again! 

Male body language:

If a man is showing an interest he will appear to be standing taller, by puffing up his chest and pulling in his tummy. You may see him correcting his appearance, straightening his tie (if he is wearing one) and generally preening himself. A sure sign that he is interested is hooking his thumbs in his belt. This subconsciously highlights his genital region and says that he is virile!

Watch out for body positioning. If he turns his body towards you it shows that he is interested, particularly if either of his feet are pointing towards you.

If he is standing with his hands on his hips, he is appearing to make himself bigger and ready to take things further.

The eyes are a great giveaway and are often referred to as the ‘window to the soul’. When someone is holding their gaze, even for a fraction of a second longer than is necessary, especially when combined with dilated pupils, it is a sure sign that you are in luck! A man’s intimate gaze is generally quite obvious. If his eye movements follow a triangle shaped pattern (that is eye to eye, down to the mouth, the rest of the body, and then back up to the eyes again) is another giveaway that he likes you. 

Female body language:

Women generally display similar preening and grooming characteristics to men, but there are other signals to look out for which show that they are expressing in interest in the person they’re talking to.

One such sign is the ‘head toss’, this can be done by women with both long and short hair and is used to capture someone’s attention by revealing their neck. Exposed wrists can also be a sign of interest, as can showing the palms of her hands while talking to you. An open palm is often seen as a sign of openness and sincerity.

As with male body language, if her foot or knee is pointing towards you (especially if her legs are crossed) this gives a clear sign of interest. Crossed legs are also seen as being a relaxed informal position. If she lets the shoe from her top leg slip off her foot and then starts playing with it – this is often seen as a sign of interest.

Don’t forget to look out for the eyes, as women are excellent at using the intimate gaze – that is holding your gaze for a moment longer than normal, and following the triangle formation. (Eye to eye, down to the mouth, followed by the rest of the body and then back up to the eyes again). This movement is known as ‘eyeing someone up’.

Another good sign of attraction is if she is coiling her hair around her finger and tilting her head whilst talking to you. And don’t forget to look out for that warm natural smile! 

Making the first move

Once you are getting the message that your partner may be interested, and you want some further feedback, it is time to use a technique called ‘excuse touching’. This is non threatening, non sexual behaviour that basically gives you an excuse to touch your partner and shows that you interested, and is a great way to give your partner the opportunity to respond. Excuse touching can be anything from touching their arm whilst talking, to letting your hands touch. If your partner feels the same way, they will often find similar excuses to touch you, or prolonging your touch.

If your partner is not responding to your advances, be aware that this probably means that they are not interested in taking things further. Likewise, if you are interested in the person that is excuse touching you, make sure that you respond – otherwise they may think you are not interested and will back off. You don’t want to miss out on a good opportunity! 

Look at these expressions of body language. How many do you recognise…? 

Body Language	Meaning
Brisk, erect walk	Confidence
Standing with hands on hips	Readiness, aggression
Sitting, legs apart	Open, relaxed
Arms crossed on chest	Defensiveness
Walking with hands in pockets, shoulders hunched	Dejection
Hand to cheek	Evaluation, thinking
Touching, slightly rubbing nose	Rejection, doubt, lying
Rubbing the eye	Doubt, disbelief
Hands clasped behind back	Anger, frustration, apprehension
Locked ankles	Apprehension
Head resting in hand, eyes downcast	Boredom
Rubbing hands	Anticipation
Sitting with hands clasped behind head, legs crossed	Confidence, superiority
Open palm	Sincerity, openness, innocence
Pinching bridge of nose, eyes closed	Negative evaluation
Tapping or drumming fingers	Impatience
Steepling fingers	Authoritative
Patting/fondling hair	Lack of self-confidence; insecurity
Tilted head	Interest
Stroking chin	Trying to make a decision
Looking down, face turned away	Disbelief
Biting nails	Insecurity, nervousness
Pulling or tugging at ear	Indecision

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Is it OK to ask for an expensive gift?

Is it OK to ask for an expensive gift?

My boyfriend of four months asked me whether I wanted to let him pick out my Christmas gift or whether I wanted to pick it out myself. I told him I trusted his taste and that he should get me whatever he wants. But the truth is, I'm really hoping that he'll get me jewellery. I think it's what boyfriends should get their girlfriends for Christmas. But I'm not sure if he thinks the same way. But how could I tell him that I want jewels? It's not the cheapest kind of gift. How can I drop subtle hints without seeming crass?
Laura
You've already blown your opportunity. If you really don't trust his taste, you shouldn't have told him you did. Now you want to manipulate him, right? It's fair to point out things you like in store windows and magazines and ask whether he thinks they're pretty too. Since this is a relatively new relationship, it's not really appropriate to expect costly jewels. You might want to reflect on what your expectations of this fellow are and whether they're realistic.
Why don't you give the guy a break and wait and see what happens? You might be pleasantly surprised. Remember that the only meaningful gifts we have to give are our time and attention. If they translate into jewels, great. But don't discard the attributes that give the relationship real value.

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So You Met A Girl? 9 Ways To Turn Your Texts Into A Date

The great thing about texting is that you can think it through and hide your emotions. Unlike in a conversation, when you don’t have much time to prepare an answer and the tone of your voice might betray your lack of confidence, texting gives you a great advantage. I see it as a fantastic tool to set up meetings and dates quickly.
In this article, I’m going to go over the best ways to get her to reply to your texts and make sure she shows up at that meeting.

1. Text her the same night of your approach.

The three-day rule is gone; get with the program. Waiting three days is more detrimental than beneficial because your first impression has already faded, and the girl probably settled on other plans with some other guy who approached her the same night you did.
I believe it’s great to text her right when or immediately after she gives you her number (while you’re still talking or just after you leave). This way, she’ll have your phone number, and you won’t have to do much explaining when you text her the next time.
Besides, you’ll make a better impression by texting her something cute right away. You can prepare some generic texts or, even better, you can make up one that is directly connected to the conversation you had.
Also, by texting her on the approach night, it will enable you to establish a connection in texting. This means she can also text you the following day and/or she’ll be more open to replying to your texts.

2. Be personal.

When sending the first text, always refer to something that has already been discussed. Something you already know about her, something you both talked about and connected over.
For instance, if she mentioned she has a pet, you can say “Say hello to Rover for me!” If you found a point of interest, cling to it: “Glad to know there’s somebody left in the world I can play chess with.”
Also, by mentioning her name (WHICH YOU SHOULD), you personalize the message and make it friendlier.

3. Text with a purpose.

If you got a solid phone number (namely if you talked for a while the previous night, and she seemed interested in getting to know you better), you could aim for a text date the following day.
Aim your texting at building trust if she looked suspicious about your approach.
If she somehow seemed to lack interest, your text should try to be funny and flirty.

4. Override the conversation.

In texts, you can be bolder than in direct conversation. So, make use of this advantage to show off self-confidence and to intrigue her.
When aiming for a date, don’t ask her if she’s available, but rather text “You and me…pasta tonight. Italian restaurant. George Street. At 8 pm.” If she doesn’t answer back in the next couple of hours just send a “?”
If she still fails to reply, text her (again after a couple of hours) saying something like:
“No problem if you can’t make it. My neighbor never gets tired of pasta.”
If she likes you even a little, she’ll start wondering whether your neighbor is a “she” or a “he.” She might just text you back to find out.
Besides, often times, just assuming the fact that her lack of replies is a rejection will make her text back. There’s something about women that makes them want to have “the last word” in everything, so she’ll text you back in some way.

5. Be decisive, and never give her the chance to change her mind.

Whether she already agreed to a date and you just want to double-check if it’s still on or you assume she’ll come (by the solid approach you had), yet she failed to give you a positive clear reply — you can text her to get that confirmation.
“I had an extra busy day. Did I say eight or nine tonight? Nine works better for me. Is that OK?”

6. Timing means a lot.

First, you need to text her pretty soon after your encounter — the same night, the following day — and you also need to have a date scheduled in the same week. Delaying texting or prolonging it will, in most cases, lead to boredom and rejection. Every beginning has its excitement; make sure you exploit it.
Secondly, don’t text her when you know or suppose she’s busy. Your text will not only bother her, but she’s also less likely to reply. If you don’t know her schedule, consider texting in the evening.
Another great idea is to ASK her, when getting the number, when a convenient time would be for a text. I often do this, then stick to that moment she agreed upon and send the first text. She basically has to reply because she told you she will in the first place.
Third (and also very important), don’t text her incessantly. Wait for a while to reply to her texts, and consider a couple of hours break between your own messages. Even when she seems excited about your texting, let her “boil” a little before sending another one. This will make her even more willing to hear from you and to meet you.
And, especially when she takes a lot of time in replying, do the same. I sometimes even go so far as waiting two days to text back. But I don’t care as much about one particular girl so this may not be as great for you.

7. Be short and give her something to look for.

A 100-word text is inevitably dull and hard to grasp. Stick to the point, and make it exciting.
If she said she likes pasta, the Italian place is great. If she mentioned a type of music she likes, ask her out in a venue that plays it.
Also, it is great if you manage to keep some mystery about you. Girls are extremely curious, so a great text option is to only hint at the place you’re taking out. When your approach was solid and you already built a level of trust you can write:
“I’ve got a nice surprise for you tonight. Meet me in front of X at 8 pm…Can’t tell you the place we’re going, but be sure to bring your dance shoes/a great appetite.”

8. How to push for an answer.

When the girl gives you no reply in about five hours, the worst thing you can do is to send her something in the lines of: “Why aren’t you answering??? I can see you read my messages,” “WTF is going on? Is it so hard for you to send a text back?”
A much more effective text is something like:
“I see that you’re busy. No worries, text me when you’ve got the time.”
In this way, you’ll show you are polite, far from needy and altogether a manly man. What’s more, she’ll believe you gave up on her. And even if she doesn’t like you that much (for now), she’ll most likely text you back just to see if she can turn you around, unknowing that you’re actually doing it on her.

9. Check your spelling.

It may seem obvious but, spelling is paramount in getting her to answer back. If you send her a text like”Gr8 2 meet U” or “Greed to meat you” (a little exaggerated, but you get the point) — the only message you’re going to convey is that you’re unlettered.
Stop attributing your grammatical errors to your phone’s thesaurus, and double check your texts to avoid making a fool of yourself. Besides, although you might think that symbols, abbreviations and smiley faces are cool, believe me, they are not when they’re overused. Don’t make your text an indecipherable pun; stay simple and neat.
There you have it, a quick and easy guide that you can follow in order to get her to reply to your texts.


Original Post from by Kyle C.  So You Met A Girl? 9 Ways To Turn Your Texts Into A Date

Establishing Online Dating Relationships: Safety First

Online dating can be fun. But don't neglect safety and common sense when you try to hook up with a mate. At minimum, take caution in the following areas.

Protect Your Computer

Take care of your equipment and systems before you head out into the Internet realm. You need to have a firewall and anti-virus protection for your email and for when you search websites and interact online. At the bare minimum, you may want these two solutions that are offered at no charge to home computer users (i.e. not for commercial use):

Free Firewall Download: ZoneAlarm www.zonelabs.com
Free Anti-Virus Download: AVG Anti-Virus www.grisoft.com

Protect Yourself

Take care of yourself, too, by choosing appropriate dating sites. Seek and choose a reputable online dating service.  How? Begin by asking around with friends, neighbors, co-workers and others you may know who have tried online dating, and see which places they recommend. In addition, search 搊nline dating services?and keep a notebook of their URLs or website links, the fees, rules and regulations, complete contact information of each and any other useful information that spikes your interest. Then compare each place.  Try only those places where you feel safe. Avoid the others.

So take care. Arm your computer ?and yourself- with the correct tools and knowledge!

5 Easy Body Language Tricks To Spark Attraction On A First Date

Body language is an essential ingredient of attraction. In fact, some studies have shown that 55 percent of our communication is done through body language alone.
When it comes to dating, sending out the wrong body language signals can scare off a potential mate, especially on a first date.
On the other hand, great body language can give you a boost in confidence and help you create instant attraction and deep rapport with your future lover.
Here’s some of the easiest and most effective body language tips and tricks to help you instantly spark attraction on your next date:

1. Mirroring

People are social, tribal beings. We relax when we feel we are among those who are like us. Mirroring a person’s body language is a way we instinctually and naturally build a rapport with others, and it is often done unconsciously.
By mirroring — essentially reflecting — your date’s postures, gestures, sitting positions, tone of voice and/or talking pace, you can help to quickly build a rapport, trust and connection. By mirroring, your date may feel more at ease, comfortable and understood, as long as you don’t make it too obvious.

2. Create Space On A High Note

This one may seem counter-intuitive, but it works like a charm.  The fact is, when we feel attracted to someone, we consciously or unconsciously try to move closer to them because their presence feels good to us.
Here’s the trick: When you’ve hit a “high note” in the interaction, for example you’re both laughing at a joke, take a slight step backward or lean back in your seat to create more space between you and your date.
Your date will unconsciously sense the space you just created and will  (consciously or unconsciously) want to move closer to you. This will create a bit of a chase dynamic, and increase their attraction to you.

3. Don’t Cross Your Arms

Arms crossed in front of the chest is a universal signal that the person is not comfortable with the given situation. It’s an unconscious attempt to block out what we perceive as a threat, and protect our vital organs from being injured. Keep your eyes open, and you’ll see it everywhere. You’ll see it in elevators, cafeteria lines or anywhere where people feel uncertain or insecure.
To your date, crossed arms can communicate nervousness, negativity and defensiveness. To them, it will feel like a shield. Instead, rest your arms at your sides or, if seated, rest your hands in your lap or on the table. This will make you seem much more open and friendly.

4. Show Your Hands

We love seeing people’s hands. Studies have shown that when we aren’t able to see another person’s hands, we have more trouble trusting them. We’re naturally on edge. This is a relic of our dangerous, ancient past.
Whenever primitive tribes met, they would hold their arms out with their palms exposed to show that no weapons were being held or concealed. This is where the custom of shaking hands comes from.
By showing your hands, especially showing open palms, you are subconsciously communicating to your date that you are open, and that they can be open with you. This will increase your attractiveness, and help to make them feel more comfortable around you.

5. Don’t Hunch Your Shoulders

Nerves and stress create tension in our bodies that often show up in our shoulders and neck area. Hunched shoulders during a date can communicate nervousness and discomfort, which may cause your date to start feeling the same way.
By keeping your shoulders relaxed, you will appear more cool and confident, making you more attractive. Before your date, do some shoulder rolls or massage your shoulder muscles to help relive any tension
The common thread when it comes to body language is not merely to project confidence, but also to relax and project relaxation and comfort. So the next time you’re on a date, remember these helpful tips so you and your date can get to know each other in an open, comfortable way.


Post from: 5 Easy Body Language Tricks To Spark Attraction On A First Date

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Predicting The Future Of Your Relationship

by Stephen Hussey


I was intrigued to read this recent New York Times article on the “13 Questions To Ask Before Getting Married”.

The idea of the piece is that we should be willing to have more of the difficult discussions with our partner long before we ever decide to marry them. Too many people leave these problems to arise after they’ve already made a lifelong commitment.
In the words of Robert Scuka, (as quoted in the article), “If you don’t deal with an issue before marriage, you deal with it while you’re married”.

The questions themselves cover everything from “Would you change our kids’ diapers?” to “How would we celebrate religious holidays?”, and “What’s the most you’d be willing to spend on a car?”
Kids, religion, money – basically, all the big stuff then.
One would hope these discussions come up naturally in the course of a relationship, but it seems a lot of us find it awkward to approach such topics, presumably for fear that they may reveal fundamental differences that we have to work through with our partner. It can be scary to discover that the one we love wants different things: Maybe they’re more dependent than we are and can’t stand time apart, or they’re less interested in sex, or they have no interest in travelling around the world with us in 10 years time.

But ignorance of these differences is not bliss. It’s a massive bout of pain waiting to happen later down the line. 

Finding Your “Marriage Deal breakers”

Reading the article, I found myself most surprised by the fact that I had a few deal breakers I didn’t really think about.
Whilst I’m flexible on certain matters (e.g. how much my partner and I share our money, whether or not I like my spouse’s parents), I felt much more rigid on others. For example, Question 7 – “Can You Deal With My Doing Things Without You?”, made me recognize just how much I crave a level of independence within any relationship, and Question 6 – “What’s The Most You’d Be Willing To Spend On A Car, A Couch, Shoes?” made me realize that I probably wouldn’t work well at all with a materialistic woman, given my general lack of interest in Ferraris and high-end home furniture (though if you’re offering…)
Then there were the other obvious topics, like Sex and Family. e.g. “Question 9 – How Important Is Sex To You?” (crucial for future compatibility), or “Question 2 – Will We Have Children?” (probably pretty important to be on the same page here).
The point of the article isn’t to dictate what your personal standards should be. Rather, it’s saying: you must communicate them.
For instance, Question 10 – “How far should we take flirting with other people? Is watching pornography O.K.?” is one for which I imagine every couple has it’s own set of rules (or lack of them). No-one is right either way, it’s whatever works for both people. But the lesson is to make sure you know what works for your partner before it’s too late.
So here are my discussion questions:
• What would you add/subtract to the list? (I was personally surprised the question “Where do you see us living together?” didn’t come up, which I would class as pretty important.)
• What are your top 3 dealbreakers from the list in the article?
• When is the best time to have these “big” conversations about the future?
Let me know in the comments below!


The post Predicting The Future Of Your Relationship appeared first on Get The Guy.


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Dating Tips For Women Of All Ages

I can’t tell you how many women have asked me the same question: “Why do I only seem to EVER meet guys that are completely the wrong age for me?”
Or to put it more simply (as one client asked me): “Where are all the great, single, 40-year old men hiding??”
Like it or not, we all know that age is a factor in dating. But so many people waste years moaning about where they are in life (I’m too old, I’m too young…) instead of doing something about it.

Often it’s not about age at all. We use that as our crutch, when really, if we’re truly honest with ourselves, maybe we just aren’t being pro-active enough right now and investing in the CRUCIAL STRATEGIES that would bring us closer to finding love.
So in this video, I’m sharing some down-to-earth, PRACTICAL tips for finding a guy no matter what age you are.

Get your copy of the 59 Secret Scripts to use with men…

The post Dating Tips For Women Of All Ages appeared first on Get The Guy.


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This Quiz Will Tell You If The Person You’re Dating Is The One

This Quiz Will Tell You If The Person You're Dating Is The One

 

Most people know what it's like to date the wrong person. It could be because your ex was a straight assh*le or maybe the person you thought was “the one” ended up hooking up with your best friend’s cousin’s landlord.
It’s never right to be in the wrong relationship.
But how do you know? Dating isn’t always easy, but this quiz might just clue you in.


Read more for  This Quiz Will Tell You If The Person You’re Dating Is The One here.


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3 Things To Remember If You’re Wondering How Much To Reveal On A First Date

by Lynzie Goehring

We all have our own baggage — skeletons, if you will — and navigating these imperfections in the tricky waters of dating is tough. Take me, for example. I have emotional scars from the abortion I wish I wouldn’t have had (but sometimes am very glad I did have) a few years ago. I have anxiety now and again, and am prescribed medicine to take when I need to just chill out.
My family life is not perfect. I’m 27, and although I have a full-time career that I love, I struggle with money and keeping myself afloat. So, do I spill these closet skeletal beans to him on the first date? Do I lay it all out on the table? Or do I feed it to him slowly, bite by bite, letting him in on another “not so pretty” fact about my life during each new Netflix and chill session?
Or do I avoid it altogether? Do I wait until we have gotten passed the awkward “getting to know each other” phase to confide in him my innermost demons?
Well, my lovelies, I can tell you from experience there is no right answer to this. But there are some guidelines I believe can help answer this question:

1. Honesty is the best policy.

We’ve all heard this one before. This doesn’t mean you have to say, “Hi, my name is Lynzie, and I had an abortion,” the second you meet someone.
What it means is, if these deeper topics come up in conversation, whether it’s the first date, or two months into the relationship, be honest. You never know what this thing you have will turn into. And if it does turn into something, you will regret not telling the truth when he asked you the first time. Trust me.

2. We all have baggage.

Believe it or not, your date has baggage, too. And maybe it’s just as heavy as yours. I asked several men about this while writing this article, and their responses were all the same: They have baggage.
They have issues they’re afraid of putting on the table, just like us. So rather than being hard on yourself and assuming you have more baggage than him, think of yourself as equals. We all have our own problems. And who knows, he might even have more skeletons in his closet than you do.

3. Don’t judge.

Would you want him to judge you for your past? Would you want him to judge you on current issues you’re going through? No, you wouldn’t. 
So when he finally opens up to you, whether its after you’ve told him your innermost secrets, or out of the clear blue sky, be understanding and compassionate. Because in reality, we are all just trying to make it through this life and deal with our own problems in the best way we know how.
Being judged, or judging someone else, just complicates things and hurts your partner, and eventually yourself. When you’re transparent with others, nine times out of 10 they’re transparent right back with you. This I have learned from experience, and it has been proven to me time and time again. So, listen, be patient and be kind. Because one day, you will be telling him (or someone new) your own problems, and you’ll want to feel acceptance, understanding and compassion.
There is a quote I heard recently that says, “If we all put our problems into a big pile, once we saw everyone else’s, we would take ours back.” I believe this is true. We all have skeletons in our closets. You have them, and so do I. He has them, and so does she. It’s the way we handle these issues — the way we move forward with our dignity in tact and our hearts not jaded, the way we respond to others when they share their darkest secrets with us — that really define how we handle our skeletons.
In a world full of people who are quick to judge, and are dishonest about their own past in the spirit of “being more attractive,” be the person who is compassionate, honest and caring, despite what you have been through. Let your skeletons make you more beautiful and compassionate, rather than cold and judgmental. Because in reality, is it not what we have in our closet that dresses us each day?

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3 Things To Remember If You’re Wondering How Much To Reveal On A First Date
 

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